Well, I had a bit of misfortune recently that has left me laid up in bed or resting for at least the next few weeks, possibly more. When you are an agile, able bodied, independent woman like me and you find yourself reliant on someone else 24/7, you feel humbled and subservient and somewhat frustrated.
My relationship with my man is bound up in many things: chemistry, desire, compatibility, engagement, spontaneity, attraction, captivation, need. We care about each other greatly and show this in the time we devote to each other, but not usually by having to physically take care of the other person on a day to day basis.
His total selflessness in the way he is looking after me has made me feel very meek and reflect on my good fortune of having him as my man.
I am not worthy.
When I first met him many years ago I knew that in some areas I was, as the phrase goes, batting above my weight. Such a situation could find me attempting to push the limits, needing to maintain a level of control. But at this time we had different lives to live. We parted amicably without knowing if we would ever meet again. However, it remained in my memory that It was not common for me to have met someone like him. I felt I slotted in with him so comfortably, while still maintaining high levels of adrenalin-fuelled feelings.
I certainly believed it was our destiny to find each other in another time, another place. Without him I would be a lesser person. Without him I would not challenge myself. Without him I would not experience immensely blissful times dotted with pure exasperation.
When I look at him, or the components of him, I am filled up inside with warmth and delight. When I listen to him I hear music. His scent fills my nostrils and desire rises in me. I touch him and I am often lost in another world where just the two of us exist.
These last few weeks have felt almost torturous for me at times. Not only am I captive but I am not allowed to feel his belt on my skin; his hand as it lands firmly on my face; his cock as it intrudes into my cunt before I am properly awake in the morning. At night I sniff the air and smell him, wanting to push my body against him and let him take control of me, in the way only he has been able to. I am not allowed.
I can now look back and see how lucky we have been. We have indulged ourselves in sexual hedonism tinged with deep desire and love. How many people are fortunate to get all that within their coupling?
Laying here I long for this illness to be over. I don’t think in general I took my life for granted, but once I am well and able I will be sure to savour every single moment. Living matters!