Over on my sister blog, Before May Mattered, I have just posted the next diary instalment. These diaries are real. They were written some 20 years ago, knowing a lot less than I do now. In some ways my thoughts and ideas were already formed. For instance, I was cynical about the way the world operated regarding politics and the reasons for war. Even at such a young age I was correct where these beliefs were concerned. Continue reading Sexual Behaviour is simply a matter of Choice – Living Forwards→
From a very young age I can remember TV shows were rife with effeminate men. The spectacle of Marc Bolan gyrating around the stage in pink silk trousers that showed the form of his penis was a familiar image on children’s television. This vision was glamorous and (apart from the contours of his cock) non-threatening. I grew up learning to love the look of such men- the way they moved and personified confidence; almost as if they were defying traditional sexual boundaries, but doing it in an incredibly sexy way. Continue reading Effeminate Men Rocked the World in the 70’s→
The sense of smell is an amazing thing. I have always known it is one of my strongest senses and on occasions, where men are concerned, it has overridden my moral judgement. I believe some perfumes/colognes are laced with artificial pheromones which could be a reason for choosing to wear them. Personally I think there is nothing like the natural smell of a clean guy. Everybody has their own unique odour, which is masked by perfumes. Often it will be sometime before you actually know what your new lover really smells like. Continue reading Smells of Men. The Past Smells of Men. Before May Mattered→
My sexual needs are somewhat deviant but I have never been involved in a threesome or group sexual activity. I suppose I have been a serial monogamist – somebody who jumps from one long-term monogamous relationship to another, usually making the break when sex within the pairing has become stale or boring. Towards the end of a lengthy relationship I would invariably become so horny I would cheat on my partner. The nearest I came to having sex with more than one person was sleeping with two men on the same day but at a different time – and unbeknown to each other.
There are two things I know about anal sex. The first is that nearly every male whether they are heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual, have a fascination with it. The second thing is that anybody who receives anal intercourse and anal play in general, should be careful regarding how the act is carried out, following necessary precautions or advice to ensure that your anal cavity is not harmed in anyway.Continue reading Anal Play, Anal Sex, Butt Plug Exploration→
Queen of Hearts, the Magician, and the three card trick.
(Or the Story of Me and Him)
Three of Hearts
I opened the door, you stood there looking beautiful, all shiny and new
You looked at me, smiled, my heart swelled and I began to shine too
We talked about evolution, troubles in life, past loves and heartbreak
Together we were not sure what we had, but we recognised it wasn’t fake
I said see you soon, you walked away, in the blink of an eye, 17 years flew by.
Two of Hearts
We sat opposite, under the umbrella, laughed, brushed lips and drank wine
You were so sure, with me just glancing at you and thinking you were fine.
We held each other close, hearts beating fast, and danced with words of tomorrow
The reality proved different and showered us with pain and sorrow
I said see you soon, you walked away, in the tear from an eye, 3 years flew by
Ace of Hearts
Finally, the present has arrived wrapped up in love and delicious sin
Our life and hearts are overflowing with each day; our souls are akin
This time was always waiting, I believe that when I look at your face
Every day, every hour, every minute I spend with you are moments of Grace
Last thing in the eve, our bodies entwine, in the blink of an eye, night flies by Continue reading Queen of Hearts, the Magician, and the three card trick.→
If you have been reading my posts you are now aware of how I want my man to behave in the bedroom – or in our case, out of the bedroom – but how would I like him to behave in everyday life? Well, I need someone who won’t tolerate any nonsense from me. As a rule I try to get away with anything possible and have what I fondly describe as “princess syndrome.” Put simply this means I would rather have someone else do the mundane things on a day to day basis, even help me off with my boots and fluff around making sure all is good in my world. Continue reading Alpha Male – misunderstood and misrepresented→
Gender DysphoriaWhen I was ten I began to read widely. Anything to take me away from everyday life, even if only into my head. I devoured books that offered a reality unlike my own. The Tarzan series by Edgar Rice Burroughs was a favourite. I was taken with the backdrop and the characters. I fell in love with the books but I did not fall in love with Tarzan. No, I wanted to be Tarzan. Jane was OK but that sissy life was not for me! I had a ripe imagination and began to play-act being just like him in the woods with whatever friends I could persuade to join me. Continue reading Gender Dysphoria – For the Love of Our Children→
Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself fighting hard to get a relationship off the ground? Is it because of the lack of emotional compatibility?
Emotional Compatibility Matters
Stimulation is so important within a relationship
Ok, have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself fighting hard to get a relationship off the ground? You are sure it has the makings of a meaningful partnership so you invest time, encouragement and most of all love in the person concerned. Your mind is set and any doubts that flutter past are waved away because you are convinced you are doing the right thing with the right person. And maybe for a short while you are, but what happens next confuses you because it is unexpected, it creeps up, slaps you in the face.
As even though in your heart you feel you love this man, you also know he is very lucky to have you loving him, because you believe in yourself and your capabilities. So, after a flying start – where affection and time are lavished on you – an empty vacuum opens up, you become bewildered as to why this could possibly happen. He still smiles at you in that way, wants to make love to you every night and checks your phone! Continue reading Emotional Compatibility Matters in a Long Term Relationship→
Virgin at 41 update – Robs story continues…
Virgin at 41 update, from Robs diary entries. Robs true story continues here. I know he would appreciate any comments or advice.
If you want to read the first post about him click here.
Virgin at 41 update
That elusive shag has been right on my doorstep, under my nose for a good few months now. Right here in my village!
She latched onto me, whilst waiting for a Chinese a few months ago, couldn’t have been more blatant. I had just moved to the area, and I kinda wasn’t interested/ready, so grouchily I just batted her way.
I see her about now and again, sometimes blank her, sometimes stop and have awkward conversation, my body language closed, but her body language is very open, her eyes light up when she sees me. If I gave her even a modicum of encouragement she would be all over me like a cheap suit. Often I am driving down the road and see her out walking. I scotch down, head below the steering wheel like a headless driver, hoping she won’t see me.
Anyway, I was in my local shop tonight, and up she popped, I was a little less gruff, less awkward and she started talking. I wasn’t really listening but I offered her a lift to where ever she was going. She didn’t hesitate, nodding her head approvingly as loud, grungy, rock music roared from the stereo; although she was slightly unnerved by my aggressive driving. I dropped her off and she gave me her number straight off… guess it’s up to me now. Continue reading Virgin at 41 update – Robs story continues→
A good fucking is what a girl like me needs. I thrive sexually on a lot of attention. Thankfully my man understands this and delivers. Here is one of the many times I was hoping for a good fucking and got one…
Just when you think it can’t get much better, you can’t get much more into the groove – you do. You both do and you are left reeling at the good fortune that you manged to find someone so in touch with you, so aware of everything you do. Is it luck, fate or karma?
So there we were on holiday in a south Mediterranean location without any date night clothes or indeed makeup except for red lipstick. I apply the said lipstick and dress in white lacy knickers and bra and a white shirt. We eat and drink our champagne, this time a bottle of the local sparkling dry white wine, which incidentally was extremely cheap and of astounding quality.Continue reading Good Fucking – and other hard core delights→
WHAT MUST IT FEEL LIKE TO FIND YOURSELF A VIRGIN AT 41 YEARS OLD?
I am always very flattered when I receive mail after someone has read one of my posts. A few weeks ago Rob wrote very candidly to me about his past. With his consent I am now sharing his message with all of you.
Does sex matter? Reckon it does.
I am Rob, a 41-year-old guy and a VIRGIN – yes that’s right still a virgin at 41. There I said it took a little bit, (took some cajones though and mine are like beach balls at the moment).
It’s incredibly frustrating, lonely, crushing – the adjectives are truly endless. I have never been kissed or, touched. Certainly not shagged, how the fuck can you work with that?
This site drew me like a beacon, not because of what you do or are into, more about the CONTEXT, frank discussion without fear of embarrassment.
Imagine having your sexual desires, needs repressed, not explored for 25 + years?
I got an email the other day from a reader on the topic of virginity. It certainly got me thinking. Virginity is a strange concept. What actually is it? If a definition had to be assigned the words used would be along the lines of, “someone who has never had sexual intercourse”.
As a heterosexual teenager I remember great emphasis was laid to bear upon intercourse. It was thought that you had not had “sex” until you had intercourse. By the time I did at the age of 17, I had sucked cock; given hand jobs; had my cunt licked; had my tits played with until I came; been fingered both vaginally and anally. All these acts seem to me to be far more intimate and personal than the act of sexual intercourse. Yet I was still considered a virgin. A word that seems to sum up the image of purity. That wasn’t me.
Taking all the above into consideration, it may appear a trifle hypocritical that after a month of dating my first serious boyfriend, I refused to have sexual intercourse and therefore lose my virginity. He was not one to give up easily and persisted with his cause. He told me he had lost his virginity already to his previous girlfriend – in fact he hadn’t, he was a virgin too. If I had known this I may have succumbed sooner. It would have felt like a new venture we were undertaking together. It was obvious his male ego had to be buttressed by this lie. He needed for me to think he was the experienced one. Continue reading Sexual Intercourse = Loss of Virginity or a Technicality?→
Sometimes you just cannot account for things that make you laugh out loud but leave you embarrassed to your core. Such a thing happened to me last year while my partner and I were employed in a little holiday sex.
We were having a joyous period – good things continually raining down upon us- and a magical holiday on a Greek island was one of these happenings.
From our studio room you could view the sea, but the bed itself was over-looked (through the window) from the top of the building outside. When I say over-looked I mean that someone standing on the said roof could see straight into our bed room and indeed view the double bed in its entirety. But why would anyone be on the roof top in the middle of the day when it wasn’t used for anything except for satellite dishes and solar panels?
By midday the temperature on the beach was soaring. The only thing to do was go back to the room, have some lunch, a glass of wine, an afternoon siesta and some raunchy holiday sex.
My body was turning an attractive golden brown and under instruction I was stretched out taut on the bed. My man tied both feet to the corner posts at the bottom of the bed. He came up to the top and kissed me while tying my hands above my head onto the bed board.
I do appreciate that some people reading this may struggle to understand how and why I can put my body under the restraint and control of a man. It is not something I do lightly. It demands a high degree of trust and intensity that strengthens the bond and desire that flows between us. I do it for him, but it is also what I want -and need- from a relationship. It gives me the gift to be totally myself with my man; I wonder how many of you can own that? Continue reading Holiday Sex – Embarrassing Sex?→
Living Matters – June 2016
Make it Matter
Well, I had a bit of misfortune recently that has left me laid up in bed or resting for at least the next few weeks, possibly more. When you are an agile, able bodied, independent woman like me and you find yourself reliant on someone else 24/7, you feel humbled and subservient and somewhat frustrated.
My relationship with my man is bound up in many things: chemistry, desire, compatibility, engagement, spontaneity, attraction, captivation, need. We care about each other greatly and show this in the time we devote to each other, but not usually by having to physically take care of the other person on a day to day basis.
His total selflessness in the way he is looking after me has made me feel very meek and reflect on my good fortune of having him as my man.
I am not worthy.
When I first met him many years ago I knew that in some areas I was, as the phrase goes, batting above my weight. Such a situation could find me attempting to push the limits, needing to maintain a level of control. But at this time we had different lives to live. We parted amicably without knowing if we would ever meet again. However, it remained in my memory that It was not common for me to have met someone like him. I felt I slotted in with him so comfortably, while still maintaining high levels of adrenalin-fuelled feelings.
I certainly believed it was our destiny to find each other in another time, another place. Without him I would be a lesser person. Without him I would not challenge myself. Without him I would not experience immensely blissful times dotted with pure exasperation.
When I look at him, or the components of him, I am filled up inside with warmth and delight. When I listen to him I hear music. His scent fills my nostrils and desire rises in me. I touch him and I am often lost in another world where just the two of us exist.
These last few weeks have felt almost torturous for me at times. Not only am I captive but I am not allowed to feel his belt on my skin; his hand as it lands firmly on my face; his cock as it intrudes into my cunt before I am properly awake in the morning. At night I sniff the air and smell him, wanting to push my body against him and let him take control of me, in the way only he has been able to. I am not allowed.
I can now look back and see how lucky we have been. We have indulged ourselves in sexual hedonism tinged with deep desire and love. How many people are fortunate to get all that within their coupling?
Laying here I long for this illness to be over. I don’t think in general I took my life for granted, but once I am well and able I will be sure to savour every single moment. Living matters!
Today we ventured a bit further from the idyllic village where we are fortunate enough to be staying for the next few weeks. We had been to this beach once before and were surprised to find it occupied, as a local man had informed us that it was almost always deserted and you could bathe naked there.
To reach the beach we had to cross the cliff top where the terrain was full of rocks and brambles. The journey proved worth the effort as the shoreline was completely vacant, not a body in sight.
We laid our towels beside a tree for shade and began our picnic. This consisted of bread, cheese, tomatoes and lemoncilla. As the beach was still void of inhabitants we stripped bare and swam in the sea. It was glorious to feel how buoyant my large breasts became in the sea water. Weightless.
Warm and Relaxed
Laying out on the towels it was inevitable, in such a relaxed, charmed atmosphere, that we began to fondle each other. I always get great pleasure in looking at his cock when we are in our usual habitat, but here as I reached out to place it in my hand the allure seemed amplified.
With my long slim fingers I gently stroked its length and circled the tip with my thumb. As it began to swell he leaned over and caressed my nipples.
Spontaneously he jumped up, grabbed his shorts and suggested I follow him. I ran after him to an indented, even more secluded part of the beach.
“Lean against that rock,” he instructed.
Belt your Bitch on the Beach
I placed my hands against the rock face, my naked body still dripping from our swim. I could see him removing the belt from his shorts and knew what was coming next. The delicious warm leather struck my arse cheek with two or three blows in quick succession. Without deliberation he followed this with a strike to my shoulder. I took a sharp intake of breath. The sea crashed on the pebbled shore behind me, the sun beat down. I felt so alive.
He put the belt down and i turned to face him. I could see his cock stiff and ready.
“Suck it bitch,” he ordered.
I crouched and started licking his penis. It wasn’t long until it was fully taken in by my lips and submerged in my mouth. The taste was delightfully salty from the ocean. He held my head and thrust for his pleasure. Then he stopped and looked down at me. We laughed at our venture and headed back to our towels where we spent an agreeable hour or more reading and sunbathing.
If you liked “belt your bitch” read here why I am writing this type of blog.
Date Night can take your relationship to a more intense level.
Date Night Matters
So it’s date night. Or date day. We started date night accidentally right at the beginning of our partnership. We had known each other for years so were well aware of where we wanted to take the sexual side of our relationship. The chemistry between us and general compatibility were very high and so we were both inspired to take the sex, and consequently the relationship as a whole, to a more intense level. Date night grew out of this desire.
With this in mind, on one of the first occasions we got to spend time together alone, he had set up a whole scenario which involved cable ties, ropes, whips and other such paraphernalia. After the course of events had been taken through to its natural conclusion we were exhilarated and excited about what we had achieved. (Read about it here). We were also somewhat exhausted mentally and physically. We were always going to have a lot of sex, but knew these special nights would have to be limited to keep them that way. I have children who are just starting to make their way in the world – I’m not in the throes of youth anymore, and neither is he.
Giving Your Time Matters
Life can be busy but we value each other and our relationship highly enough to make the time and effort to indulge the sexual pleasures we enjoy. We never fail to feel closer after a date night and may savour that time by talking about what went on for days. The evenings are generally more distinctive than the date-days as added time and effort are put into them.
Once we have set aside a night – usually about every 3/4 weeks – I start to plan my makeup and what I am going to wear. This will depend on whether we are meeting out or staying in. Often he will tell me put e how he wishes me to dress. I enjoy adorning myself just for him more than if I was going out to a bar or restaurant to socialise. This is reflected in the great deal of effort I put into my appearance – right down to plucking eyebrows and painting nails. I am not a plastic woman and am indeed fortunate for my age to have excellent breasts, very good skin and lips, good hands and nails and long legs. I would never dream of subjecting my body to false boobs, nails or hair. Indeed if I did my man would run a mile!
Date nights make me feel valued and appreciated. He always makes the effort to cook an excellent meal and plans the setting and the equipment to be used. He indulges me with compliments and champagne. Date days can be even more exciting as they are often spontaneous and the experience can be far more urgent and explicit. These encounters reaffirm in my mind why we are together. For him I submit because in my mind he deserves me to.
How do I tell my partner about my fantasies? This question is one that I am sure has passed across every adult’s mind at some time in a relationship. I feel it is extremely important to be able to express yourself sexually and fulfil your fantasies with your partner, but you can’t just expect them to know what you yearn for unless you have discussed it. How do I tell my partner about my fantasies? Well communication is paramount in any sexual relationship but particularly so when “kinkier” events are played out.
The following scenario occurred on a regular afternoon in my life. The incidents that happened were highly charged and pleasurable to us both. I trusted him to deliver what I desired and he trusted me to take it. This trust was not blind, it existed because we spend much time talking about our fantasies and what we both require within our sexual relationship. If we can do that, you can too. So how do I tell my partner about my fantasies? A good place to start is to ask them first exactly what they want sexually and what occurs within their fantasies. Then you are free to explain what you long for in return. Remember they may be pondering the same question in regards to you. Such a conversation can be difficult to initiate but so rewarding in the long term. It shouldn’t be just a one off dialog either. It’s a topic a couple should return to often if they are going to keep their relationship satisfying. Don’t be afraid to ask, after all it is far more frightening to be in a relationship that is just not stimulating you, than to ask a question that momentarily may make you blush.
“Do you want me to wear lipstick?” I ask him.
“Yes that’s an idea”, he replies, removing his t shirt. We had just come in from the garden where we had been enjoying lamb/pepper kebabs and wine for lunch. Now both hot and a little bit sweaty we had moved into the bedroom to indulge ourselves.