Polyamorous relationships, good for the whole family?
Polyamorous relationships appear to be rising in popularity – they are trending and trendy. The question is, can this lifestyle last a lifetime?
I have been writing my sex blog for a few years now. The main reason I embarked on such a venture was because I very much enjoy writing but also it had become clear to me that many couples do not seem to be benefiting from a healthy, fulfilling sexual bond. Indeed I had been involved in my share of incompatible pairings. I felt I had discovered enough to put my experiences on paper and hopefully others could learn from, or just enjoy, my musings.
Honesty and Monogamy
My man and I have a monogamous relationship which is buttressed by honesty. This is an attribute that is sometimes in short supply in a one on one partnership. Being honest with someone you love may lead to uncomfortable situations or hurt feelings. Nobody really wants to cause emotional pain to the one they love.
Now pain via a good spanking is a different matter 😉
Because of this it is probable that monogamous couples do not share their most intimate desires or even recognise when there is need for a change within the relationship. But one cannot live in fear of change or the fear of hurting another’s feelings. Rather say what is on your mind, than let a positive union turn into a negative or cheating one.
The honesty between me and my man means I am fairly confident that if either of us desired additions to our relationship we would discuss it. Our past history backs this assumption. When we first met twenty years ago we embarked on an association where honesty was central. From the moment I met him I knew we needed to be on an equal footing. Being honest was the way to achieve this. A mutual friend had told me he was still close with his Ex. A few weeks into our lesion I noticed scratch marks on his back. I was young and was not coming from any moral high ground myself. Indeed, I was occasionally sleeping with my first love; plus needed to run the course with another man – as the sex was still electric; and an older guy from work was wining and dining me.
Honesty isn’t always easy even in Polyamorous Relationships
I felt a strong connection with my man so decided to put into play something I hadn’t tried before. I was honest and told him all about my “other men,” and that I still wanted to see him. He reciprocated and we thus enjoyed open dialogue and a friendship that oozed chemistry and promise. Not to be fulfilled at that time, but I truly believe it provided the backbone for our relationship today. If we hadn’t had that honesty then, we would not be lucky enough to share the bond we have now.
It is known that people living within polyamorous relationships habitually face the likelihood of jealous feelings. To deal with potential pitfalls they must use blunt honesty, even when it is not nice or convenient. Meaning that all parties know exactly where they stand. So it could not be said that my man and I were involved in such polyamorous relationships, as the other parties we were seeing did not at first know they were one of many, or even have the chance to agree to such an arrangement. However, I do feel we were stepping out of our comfort zone. That’s the only place growth of any kind will occur.
Cheating Leads to Bad Karma
Amicably we went our separate ways and I settled down with a guy to have children. I soon realised that we were not particularly sexually compatible. After about four years I found myself in a virtually sexless co-habiting partnership. We had morphed into just friends. I threw myself into the care of my children and tried to put sex to the back of my mind.
This situation is not mentally or physically healthy for an individual. I thought if I had an affair I would be letting myself down and putting the whole family in jeopardy. Deception is not karmic. As far as openly getting involved with someone else – I didn’t even consider broaching that conversation with my partner. Apart from the fact he would have called me a “whore” or something similar, there was another reason – I was a believer that such behaviour was not acceptable within a family unit with young children.
Since that time I have looked at the curious ways that families actually survive. Mine eventually broke down. I am clearly not meant to be in a sexless relationship. Such a lifestyle is not emotionally or physically healthy for an indivdual. If we both had been bold enough to explore the unconventional polyamorous route, perhaps the relationship could have survived until the children were teenagers.
Polyamorous Relationships and Children
Within the nuclear-unit breakups are so prevalent that the children are used to having more than one set of parents. Step parents or new partners become common place and in some cases can enrich the child’s development. Almost all children have friends with multiple parents. The presence of additional adults is not nearly as socially outlandish as it would have been 40 years ago. This makes it easier for kids from poly families to blend in with kids from divorced families. So there is less likely hood of poly kids being stigmatised.
Similarly, just like other family setups, exactly how having poly parents affects children, depends largely on the way in which the adults conduct themselves in their relationships. Polyamorous families can create healthy, stable, loving environments for children when the adults provide that kind of environment. Poly families are not perfect per se. Their children will experience some of the same problems common in other blended families. But by employing flexibility and honesty, multiple-adult families may be very beneficial for the children. Happy adults mean happy kids.
Surly one of the most important things in life is to behave in a manner that is considerate to those we love and nurtures the children involved. Whatever bonds we choose to create – be it with one or more lovers – it’s our responsibility to conduct ourselves judiciously.