Sexual Intercourse and Virgins…

Does Virginity Matter? When do you lose it?

SM BLOG

Sexual Intercourse – Not for Virgins?

I got an email the other day from a reader on the topic of virginity. It certainly got me thinking. Virginity is a strange concept. What actually is it? If a definition had to be assigned the words used would be along the lines of, “someone who has never had sexual intercourse”.

As a heterosexual teenager I remember great emphasis was laid to bear upon intercourse. It was thought that you had not had “sex” until you had intercourse.  By the time I did at the age of 17, I had sucked cock; given hand jobs; had my cunt licked; had my tits played with until I came; been fingered both vaginally and anally. All these acts seem to me to be far more intimate and personal than the act of sexual intercourse. Yet I was still considered a virgin. A word that seems to sum up the image of purity. That wasn’t me.

Taking all the above into consideration, it may appear a trifle hypocritical that after a month of dating my first serious boyfriend, I refused to have sexual intercourse and therefore lose my virginity. He was not one to give up easily and persisted with his cause. He told me he had lost his virginity already to his previous girlfriend – in fact he hadn’t, he was a virgin too. If I had known this I may have succumbed sooner. It would have felt like a new venture we were undertaking together. It was obvious his male ego had to be buttressed by this lie. He needed for me to think he was the experienced one.

After 3 months I surrendered and the date was set. His parents were out, his big brother made himself scarce and we retired to his bedroom – a place I was never allowed as his parents were strict Catholics –  and looking back I cannot recollect what it was like. I do remember us both stripping bare and fondling. I was nervous. The easiest position for inexperienced teenagers is the missionary. Indeed we assumed this stance and he began to force his cock into my nubile cunt.

Whether it was because I was feeling slightly anxious or because as I later discovered he was very well endowed, it was not an easy fit. My hymen was intact, quite a shock to me really. There was blood and not much enjoyment on my part. He persevered and soon got into a rhythm. Once he had orgasmed we were on our feet rearranging his room and retreating to the lounge for his parents return.

My boyfriend was very happy about the new state of affairs and embarked on a quest to try everything: How many times in one hour: Tying me to the bed: Any position he could think of: Outdoors: In my School grounds: Coming on my face: Me in sexy lingerie. I would not allow anal and funnily enough he never spanked me. I am sure he would have if I had asked but at that time I was not aware this was something I would enjoy, although I enjoyed similar fantasies in my mind.

So how did I feel about it? I was confused. I knew people who had lost their virginity as young as 13 but they were not in my peer group. My friends at 16/17 were still just at the occasional date stage and mostly were involved with snogging and being touched up. I really felt I could not confide in them. I was alone, or so I thought. It felt like I had not been ready for sexual intercourse and certainly I did not feel emotionally mature enough to handle the feelings it evoked in me.

At this time I view myself as just an observer, rather than actually being involved and sharing the intimacy of our carnal exploits. I felt on the outside, removed. I liked my boyfriend, thought I loved him, but on my part I did not feel greatly attracted to him. Perhaps because of this our love making felt quite mechanical to me while he proceeded down his list of must do deeds.

A year went by and my friends caught up and I saw it all as more fun rather than a burdensome secret. I also began to see the bonus of having lost my virginity to my steady boyfriend. Putting aside the lack of attraction I still have fond memories of him and our ventures into sex. He was happy with me being myself. I know of girls who held onto their virginity, refusing their long term boyfriend and then when the relationship had ended found themselves losing it in a one-night stand.

Read about me growing up here

As I grew into an adult -and right up to the current day- I came to view SEX as all sexual acts, not simply intercourse. This also accommodates whatever form your sexuality takes. Many times in a relationship I have chosen not to participate in penetration. Don’t get me wrong, I love to fuck and to make love but there are so many other ideas a couple can entertain in a fulfilling way. I would rather explore all the options rather than just sticking to intercourse. With this is mind surly I lost my virginity way before I had sexual intercourse?

The story told, you can see mine was a relatively painless journey into the unknown. Losing my virginity was something that was always going to happen.

But what of those that do not? How would it feel to find yourself over 40 and still technically a virgin? Read my next post to find out.

(I have Just opened the facility of commenting on my posts. I would love to hear your views on this subject. You are not obliged to leave a name or email – just your thoughts)

Published article here

3 thoughts on “Sexual Intercourse = Loss of Virginity or a Technicality?

  1. I think certainly partaking in any explicit sexual act constitutes “having sex”. So yes maybe you did lose your virginity earlier than the technicality of having intercourse, A lesbian may never have sexual intercourse but shares in sexual acts with her girlfriend.One wouldn’t view her as a virgin.

    1. Thanks. I agree with you. I also think that just enjoying sexual activity is “sex”, even if you don’t orgasm. Some of my most highly charged, most pleasurable sexual action have ended without climaxing.

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