I am happy to host another guest article discussing Vaginismus. This one delves into the Netflix series ‘Sex Education’ to highlight how important sexual knowledge is for everyone.Continue reading Sex Education is Empowering
“I was just a few weeks into a new relationship when the pain started. Whenever myKate Lloyd, The Guardian, August 2020
boyfriend and I started to have penetrative sex, it felt as if there were razor blades inside me.
At first I laughed it off, but soon I became terrified of intercourse. My body would freeze with
fear as my clothes came off.”
What is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted.
The symptoms include burning or stinging pain upon penetration, as well as intense fear or loss of desire when penetration is attempted.
It is a complex psychosomatic condition, and the causes can be varied, such as painful first intercourse, sexual abuse, fear of pregnancy, or a deeply rooted belief that sex is wrong. Vaginismus isn’t ‘only’ about sex, it’s about life. Penetrative sex is not the only thing its victims lose – let’s be honest, not all of us prioritize that – but a sense of intimacy or self-worth too. It can painfully interfere with regular gynaecological examinations, the use of tampons and period cups, or even childbirth. And if you have no one to talk to and share your experiences, the isolation can be unbearable.
Vaginismus Awareness Day
A new survey on vaginismus carried out by feminist sex shop and wellness brand Sh! has found that almost 70 percent of women with the condition suffer depression or a feeling of “being broken” as a result. Vaginismus, the painful, involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina during sexual or other forms of penetration, is a complex psychosexual condition that many women suffer in fear and silence. The good news is that, with the proper advice and support, the symptoms are treatable in 95 percent of cases.
Recognising the urgent need to address the problem, Sh! created Vaginismus Awareness Day in 2015. Now in its seventh year, the event has had great success in opening up the conversation around the experience of painful sex, and banishing the fear, shame and bewilderment that often accompanies it. This year’s online event – VAD – hosted by Sh! sex educator extraordinaire Evie Fehilly, brings together an expert panel of therapists, educators, campaigners and artists with direct experience of living with or treating vaginismus. The evening (7pm UK time) will provide a lively, inclusive forum to discuss the physical and psychological impact of painful sex, and to empower and inform all women and vulva-owners who experience it.
While no reliable statistics exist about the exact number of women with vaginismus, studies estimate that around half of all women suffer pain or discomfort during sex at some point during their lifetime – indicating that the number could be substantial. Sh!’s survey of 50 women with the condition in July 2021 found that 96 percent suffered pain during sexual penetration, while 70 percent struggled with vaginally invasive activities such as smear tests or inserting a tampon. A quarter of those surveyed said they avoided dating or relationships because of their condition. While a number of respondents said they received excellent help from health practitioners, others said the medical response was woefully inadequate. Some doctors told them they just needed to “relax more” during sex and one even told their patient to “drink wine”.
Sh! has a dedicated website vaginismusawareness.com with all the resources required to become better informed and find support and solutions for those with vaginismus. The site includes real-life stories and experiences of vaginismus sufferers, as well as available treatments.
Tickets for the Vaginismus Awareness Day online event are £3 and ALL proceeds will go to the Dilator Pay It Forward Scheme. [Those on limited income, please contact Sh! for a free ticket]
This is a guest post from Sh! However, I was very pleased to host the article, as I totally agree that there needs to be more education and information regarding vaginismus. May More
More about Sh
Founders of the UK’s first women’s sex shop in 1992, Sh! are pioneers in female pleasure, on a mission to help all women (and those that love them) discover their true sexual selves, whatever their age, sexuality, health or relationship status.
Sh! is a safe haven where women can explore their own unique relationship to sex; pressure-free, hype-free and stereotype-free.
Delivering tailored advice, trusted information, empowering classes and a unique range of pleasure-enhancing goodies, and understanding that healthy sexuality is key to self-esteem and happiness, Sh! prioritises honest conversations about sexual wellbeing, pleasure and body-image, within a comfortable, judgement-free vibe
A good way to begin your foray into BDSM is by carrying out some research and then coming together with your partner to share your findings. At this point you can work out what you both want to try and where your limits and boundaries may lie.
Deciding you’re going to add some twists and turns to your sex life is just the beginning. Next you should look into what equipment you might need and where you can purchase such items. When my man and I embarked on our journey, at first, we made good use of everyday objects we came across. Let me explain…
Bondage and kink enthusiasts
I’d had to wait such a long time to explore my submissive side, when the time finally came I hardly knew where to start. What do we do? What kind of stuff do we need? Fortunately, my man and I brought our vivid imaginations and some practical skills to our sexual adventuring. Our first “weekend away” took us to a remote farm and within an hour he had me tied up to the solid oak beams in the hay-loft. Farmers, it seems, leave baling twine everywhere. I was well-trussed, upright with my arms and legs spread, wrists and ankles fixed tight to knot-holes and hooks. Some delicious spanking followed, and he used his belt, hands and mouth on me before letting his cock loose. At last my sexy dreams were coming true – and I was coming too.
Back at home, my man produced a home-made flail and we made good use of my cast-iron bed-frame, with four of my nylon scarves tied to the posts at each corner. The classic ‘X’ position became a real favourite. I know he loves to see me spread-eagled and waiting for him. I usually dress up for the occasion, in the kind of fuck-me-now lingerie which gets us both horny and eager.
On another trip to the countryside, we found ourselves in a conservatory complete with a wrought-iron bench. We couldn’t resist this opportunity. After some thought, I stripped off and let my man position me length-ways for his pleasure. This time he bound my ankles to the bench and my hands behind my back using some of my stockings. We always travel with a bag of sexy bits and pieces. The finishing touch was a stocking pulled tight over my head, leaving my mouth exposed. Partly blindfolded, I adored the feel of the cold iron pressed hard against my skin as I was used for his pleasure. Needless to say he fucked my face and soaked me in hot cum! Again…
As mentioned above, during these early days we generally used items we already owned. It is amazing how many – what once appeared ordinary items – can be used to enhance a bondage scene for kink enthusiasts. But as time went on we branched out and found some online sex toy outlets who provided great products for a good price. Although we did buy my collar from the local pet-shop, choosing a nicely-padded black leather job with metal studs. My man revealed a particular fondness for tying my hands behind my back with some hemp rope. Or above my head to a hook in the ceiling.
One of the great aspects of our countryside jaunts is the number of opportunities there are if you’re hanging around farms and fields. Given the right weather, a five-bar gate is the ideal frame for fun and games with ropes or twine. Hay bales, of course, make a nice yielding bed for a well-bound girl and a soft landing if you happen fall to your knees in search of a cock to suck.
If you use your imagination there’s plenty of domestic opportunities to be exploited. I’ve been tied to more than a few dining tables and chairs. Not to mention upright posts and one particularly sturdy coffee-table. Never underestimate a bean-bag or a pile of cushions either.
As time has gone on we’ve added to our bondage toy-box with shop bought products, household items and clothing, such as scarfs and belts. It is best to keep all the equipment safely in one place. A case in the wardrobe for instance. This ensures you know exactly where to find what’s needed to inspire and contribute to a sexy bondage session. Not to mention, you don’t want to leave any of it laying around for your mother in law to find!
Advice for would be Kink Enthusiasts is a sponsored post written by me.
Lined to these memes…
When I was about eighteen a friend of mine got hold of an ancient porn movie. One of those from the era when porn was all about men with huge cocks and women with a perm where their slit should be. The film told the tale of some chick who could only orgasm when a guy’s dick was in her throat. Yeah, you get the idea, at the point when most of us gag she would climax. I suppose one could say a typical guy’s fantasy. But then again, handy for the gals if their man craves a lot of blow jobs (I don’t think I have ever fucked one who didn’t) and tends to fall asleep after shooting their load.
Anyhow, my mates all laughed at the movie, even the guys, but it fascinated me. I knew it wasn’t true but it also gave me hope: the idea was out there that not everyone gets off the same way. I already knew I was one of those people and set myself the challenge to find out what turned me on. Let me explain…
When all my girlfriends began chatting about ‘self-care’ and learning how great it was to give yourself an orgasm, I tried too. Even purchased a few sex toys to help the cause, but no matter what I did, how I titillated my clit, the big O never happened. Don’t get me wrong – my cunt would feel a little more tender and, well, warm. But, how do you know what an orgasm is if you’ve never had one? I was sassy enough to realise this gushy warmth was not the feeling pleasure-seekers were… seeking!
I became convinced that if I had a boyfriend things would be different. They weren’t. It has to be said I didn’t give up easily. Jack fucked me, a lot. Steve licked my clit every night for a week. Ben practically got his fist inside me while doing a real number on my nipples. No joy. Then Mark and Matt decided what I needed was a MMF threesome. Why not I thought as I found myself in a man-sandwich with me as the filling and being filled.
“Sorry lads,” I said as I let them out the door later that night.
I began to wonder if the problem was the fact that I still lived with my parents. It wasn’t as if they were constantly in my face; they went away most weekends which is how I’d managed to behave like a slut for several months on the trot. But I wondered if perhaps my subconscious was playing tricks on me. So I packed all my belongings, hugged mum to stop her crying and moved out. I’d just started work as a doctor’s receptionist and my older step-brother said I could rent a room in his flat. I jumped at the chance as it was the cheapest option by far. He was ten years my senior and, in my eyes, rich. His apartment was massive, so I even got my own bathroom.
“Little sis,” he said, “glad to help you on your way in life.”
And he really was, particularly when I decided it wasn’t a man I needed and started to date girls in an attempt to pop my orgasm cherry. His eyes were on stalks when a procession of nubile, gorgeous young things would come and go.
“How’d you do it, Cam?” He’d ask.
I wasn’t sure but I did know most people were up for a challenge and that’s what I was giving them. Even though nobody succeeded we all certainly had a great time trying. And time flies when you’re having fun.
Fast forward to me at twenty. Still at my brother’s place. Still at the surgery – god I hated that job, sick people are not conducive to an evening of sexy fun. And still waiting to ring that bell in the bedroom. Although one thing I had discovered, after getting in on with the absolutely gorgeous Jennifer, Alison Phillipa and Sue, was that I was more attracted to men.
My brother had some hot friends. I’d noticed them and I was sure a few of them looked my way. Perhaps partly to do with the fact he told them about Cam’s challenge. Although it did appear some seemed a little intimidated by me because of this and steered clear.
There was this one guy called Karl. He often stayed over, on the sofa, after a night on the town with my bruv. There was something about his high cheekbones and slightly lopsided smile that made my cunt tingle just a bit when he looked at me.
One afternoon my brother had gone to the supermarket and I’d just showered. Thinking I was alone in the flat my bedroom door was half open. I was humming a little tune, towelling myself down. I looked in the dressing-table mirror and realised Karl was watching me from just outside my door, which I had my back to. Immediately I felt invigorated, stimulated and sexy as fuck. I took hold of my moisturiser and began my normal ritual of massaging the cream into my skin – all… over… my body. My nipples became alert as I rubbed and squeezed my tits, slowly moving my hands down to my waist and across my taut stomach.
Glancing at my reflection again I noticed Karl’s hand was rubbing a clearly defined bulge while my own slipped between my thighs and moistened my already sopping wet slit. As my fingertips slid back and forth our eyes met in the mirror. It was clear he was immensely turned on. His look was one of pure lust. My heart began to beat faster as some strange kind of electricity seemed to be cruising my veins – something I had never experienced before. Then as Karl’s hand disappeared inside his fly and it seemed just by watching me he couldn’t hold out any longer, I began to come. Shuddering and moaning. Hand between my legs. Hardly able to remain up right. A kind of knee trembler. Finally…
It seemed rude not to invite him in. I was so elated and after all he was the one to fulfill Cam’s challenge. The least Karl deserved was a blow job.
After – we cleaned up, I thanked him, he thanked me and then went home.
Now I knew what my thing was. My kink perhaps. I liked being watched. I didn’t just like it I loved it. Couldn’t get enough of it. My brother’s mates were happy to oblige, but I soon became more discerning. I choose only those with a twinkle in their eye and a manner which I recognised. That of a happy voyeur.
A few months later I decided to leave my job and set up as a cam-girl. Great money and knowing someone was watching me, wanting me, without being able to touch was just the apple in my pie.
Anyway got to go. Some of us have work to do – all eyes on me!
Images from Shutterstock.com
Camilla’s Challenge is a sponsored post – written by me – linked to the memes below…
I recently wrote how being kinky is not perverse and what may be normal for one kinkster won’t be for another. The following article is not written by me but it does delve into being kinky.
It is a guest post exploring different kinks and how to find someone suitable to share them with.Continue reading Learning to Become Comfortable With Your Kinks
The demand for information about sex dolls grows every week. How real are they? Not to mention would a sex doll make an amazing companion for a lonely person? At least until they feel able to challenge themselves with a living doll 😉 The following guest post looks at these issues… May More.Continue reading Reasons why a sex doll is an amazing companion