The question I ask these days is not really how sexy I am, it is more – am I alive?
This is a bit of a negative rant. So you may want to avoid it and read this light hearted flash fiction series I have been writing instead.
Life has altered so much over the last 18 months. Many people are seeming to adapt to work and relationship changes. That doesn’t seem to be happening to me. I think the life I am being told to live is so secondary to what I enjoyed in the past that at present I am not yet wholly willing to accept it. Generally I feel less alive, less attractive, less alert, less sexual and less free than I was two years ago.
I don’t think any part of me, my life or what I am doing, is an improvement to what it was in the past. Yes – I’m older, but before I was finding clarity, tolerance, understanding and wisdom with age. But now, with the various restrictions, getting older seems to come with a letting go of ones hopes and beliefs.
I am sorry this reads glum. I am by nature an adaptable person. It wouldn’t have been possible for me to do the job I did before Covid if I didn’t possess this trait. But it really does seem what is being offered at the moment – for many people – is not anything even a chicken should adapt to. Did you know I love chickens?
The powers that be seem to expect us all to simply adapt, improve and move on. It is not that easy.
All I seem to do is ruminate. Oh yes the good old days! How boring is that. How boring am I! Funny thing was before this state of emergency I was never one for looking back. I was always constantly changing, evolving and moving on. Looking forward. But now the past looks pretty good to me.
When the world started with the lockdowns it was to make sure the older people didn’t suffer too much from Covid. However, many elderly have had mental and emotional problems related to isolation. I think if they had been asked in the beginning, what they wanted, most would have took their chances with Covid – just to keep seeing their families. Yes, I understand if we had gone down that route we may have found ourselves with a pandemic on our hands. Oh, we have that anyway.
I may be behaving pretty negatively as I have been below par health wise. One of the symptoms is my mind feels like it is coated in layer of cotton wool causing a more or less constant muzzie-ness. That feeling can add to depressive thoughts etc.
But… I am looking forward. And hope that I will have positive and perhaps even sexy posts to write in the very near future. We are literally moving and I am confident this will make a big difference to my health and mindset. I appreciate that so many of you, so many people in general, have struggled – for numerous different reasons – over the recent months. If you have adapted well, then you’re a better person than I. But I do have hope. So I’m still in the game…