alcohol may more

Alcohol – It’s your round…

Many regular readers know of my very personal journey. Adopted as a baby  – I decided after giving birth to my first child I would have to find my roots.

I am not going to cover old ground you can read about what happened when I met my birth family here…

This tale is all about Angus, the middle brother.

Content Notice – Alcoholism and Suicide mentioned.

Meeting Angus

Having researched my birth family tree I then needed current addresses so I could contact them. It was harder getting hold off such details in those days so I hired a whiz-bang chap online who said he could find anyone. Well, the only address he came up with was the one for Angus.

Angus was the first blood relative I ever spoke to. We talked at length on the phone – very special moments for me – and that was when he told me. He was an alcoholic.

When I met him alone about a month later we went out for a drink. He took me to his local pub. Everyone knew him. Everyone like him. Many people bought us a drink. And it was sitting in that pub that he told me why he was an alcoholic.

Odd One Out

Angus said he was the odd-one-out in the family. All the others, including me, have brown eyes, a darker complexion and are very tall too.  We’re actually descended from some of the original Romany Gypsies.

Angus had the most clearest blue eyes you’d ever seen, very pale skin and was smaller than the rest of us. He said from a young age he felt everything too much. They were a very close family and all the kids looked out for each other but he knew he wasn’t as strong, mentally or physically, as the others.

Deciding at sixteen he’d experienced enough of life he tried to kill himself. Giving it his best shot, so it was never seen as simply a cry for attention. The doctors and family recognised Angus wasn’t stable. He received psychological treatment and all the family and his friends rallied round.


He realised that if he had died many hearts would have been broken. Knowing people loved him. And why wouldn’t they?  Angus had the sweetest most compassionate nature. By the time I met him he was a carer for the elderly and perfectly suited to that career.

After recovering from  the suicide attempt he knew it would hurt too many people if he tried again, so to get by, he began to drink. Within a very short time he was an alcoholic. The kind that can carry on with their jobs. The kind that you can sit in the bar chatting with. Having two, three, four drinks and they never seem to get any drunker. Meanwhile you are practically falling over.

Angus never married or had any children.

He told me that nothing would stop him drinking.

He would drink until he died.

And that was precisely what he did.

Just a year after I met him he was admitted to hospital as his organs began to fail. His sister, (my half sister), took him back to her home and cared for him until his death a few month later.

Timing is Everything

If all this had happened just a year earlier I would not have been fortunate enough to have met him, a beautiful, kind soul. Indeed, I can’t be sure I would have met any of my family as it was only Angus’s address that was available online.

Finding out he had gone felt very strange. Sad that his time was up and also I had no more time to get to know him. But glad he had told me this was his decision. What he wanted.

I am going to leave it there as I don’t know too much about what being dependent on alcohol is like. Don’t get me wrong I drink far too much. I enjoy a drink. But I can stop.

Alcoholism is more common than we know. In a strange coincidence, the month Angus died, a close friend’s sister died for the same reason.

One reason Angus felt odd was because he looked different from his family. Genetics are strange. When I had my second daughter I recognised immediately that she has his eyes, clear and blue.

So Angus is never far from my thoughts.

Originally posted in April 2019 and linked to SB4MH and Wicked Wednesday.

Updated 11/07/2021 4thoughts topic of addiction


17 thoughts on “Alcohol – It’s your round…”

  1. I’m glad you got to meet him. I often wonder what triggers a person to continue to drink. I think we all start the same, as teenagers or peer pressure. And something happens that hurts us and we become addicted, dependent on the feeling that the alcohol gives us. Then our bodies physically need the booze, its too painful to go without. Sad really, there are only 3 things that happen to an alcoholic.

    1. Sometimes I think one of the main reasons I had to meet them all then was to know him. He took his life but he was such a wise individual – until u walk in someones else’s shoes you just don’t know how they feel x

  2. I have always made it a policy never to drink at home alone. I know if I do it will become a habit I likely won’t get out of. When out with others I stop drinking when everyone else is drunk and yet I’m still sober. I very rarely get ‘drunk’ myself. My wife and I don’t drink at home, unless we have guests. When we’re out (with others) she drinks heartily; if it’s just me she just has one glass of wine.

  3. How utterly tragic, May. The things going on in his head must have been soo hard for him. I know that had to have been hard for you having just found him.

    1. Thanks Cara – some people literally are tortured souls – almost too precious for earth – it seemed like he was one of them. Don’t get me wrong I believe life is a gift x

  4. Oh May, this is so sad, losing him so quickly after you have found him. But, like you say, genetics is a strange thing, and you still have ‘his’ blue eyes close to you…
    Thanks for sharing this part of your history with us!

    Rebel xox

  5. I too was torn May, between the beauty of the tribute you’ve written to him and the sadness contained within the words. I think it’s wonderful that your daughter has the blue eye gene. I am a sucker for an unusual eye and that bright clear blue is incredibly attractive on people. Some people are just too fragile for this world – I am sorry Angus was one of those.

  6. Wow May, you have my heart strings pulled. I understand this from your viewpoint so well. I’m still putting together my post as my brother in- law is a functioning alcoholic. We know it is just a matter of time. So thank you.

  7. This is both wonderful and heart wrenching at the same time. Thankyou so much for sharing. It’s good that you have a memory of Angus not far from you.

    1. Thanks so much for commenting – never forget him when i see her, just glad she is a stronger person than he

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