The Alpha Male – Misunderstood?

The Alpha Male – Misunderstood?

If you have been reading my posts you are now aware of how I want my man to behave in the bedroom – or in our case, out of the bedroom – but how would I like him to behave in everyday life? Well, I need someone who won’t tolerate any nonsense from me. As a rule I try to get away with anything possible. Having what I fondly describe as “princess syndrome.” Put simply this means I would rather have someone else do the mundane things on a day to day basis, even help me off with my boots and fluff around making sure all is good in my world.

Confidence is Key

Now this may be what I want but it is obviously not always good for me. Within a short space of time the guy is eating from my hand and I have zero respect for him. I need a man who knows how to handle me and is not afraid to do so. Not a metrosexual, or one that I see as weak and unsure of his place in the world and the scheme of things. I require a confident, assertive man. It’s a case of need rather than want. I need this type of man or I will attempt to take advantage. Or take over the running of our relationship.

I was handed an alpha male at 16 but wasn’t sure how to behave. Or what to do with the feelings he evoked in me so I opted for a more secure bet. That was then. I don’t want the predictable option any more. We are only here once. Time is precious and I want someone exciting and real to spend my time with; someone who will challenge me and not always say yes; someone who knows how to deal with me. That is not to say I don’t want him to be caring, indeed to the contrary – I need to know that he cares about me on a daily basis otherwise it would be impossible for me to put my body under his control in the way I do.

Media Views

On a more serious note, I think that many women are led to believe by peers and the media that they need a man who is passive and not forthright regarding their wants. In reality, if they had the chance to compare or think for themselves, they would prefer a man who is self assured, and direct. Honest about their wants and needs. Over the decades social engineering has led people to think it is wrong for men to be assertive and confident and they should rather exhibit more sensitive and compliant traits.

Indeed, women who choose alpha males are often stereotyped in films and television dramas as being less stable, more promiscuous and having hostile, sexist attitudes towards their fellow females. They are typically depicted as preferring short-term relationship and indulging frequent, uncommitted sexual activity. Obviously this is not so. Many of the most successful, long-term relationships are where the man and woman involved are content to portray their masculine and feminine roles and appreciate each other for these very traits.  A study by sociologists at the University of Washington found that couples who follow traditional roles reported greater sexual frequency. A regular sex life is known to be healthy for your mind and body.


It does appear that in recent years men have been emasculated and are frequently confused as to the behaviour expected of them. At some point this century, assaulted by a politically correct herd, many decided it was time to stop being masculine and demonstrate their inner docility instead. Simply put, being a man has become unfashionable.

Don’t get me wrong, choice is key. Alpha, is about a man being assertive enough to choose to be himself,  rather than his attitudes  being dictated to by media forces.

My man is certainly an alpha but was confident enough to fulfill one of my fantasies by dressing up in stockings for me. He carried it off with an alpha male’s natural confidence and passion.

However, being overtly masculine is often viewed as sexist, so what remains of a man divested of his gender identity is arguably sexless.

It may be that many relationships would be more successful and fulfilling if the guy was able to engage his wants and needs without having to play to the false image society has recently created for him. One may argue that the good points of a beta male is that women no longer need to see the topless poster hanging in the locker room or hear the whistle from the labouring wolf. But I feel this comes at a cost. Instead of overtly showing their enthusiasm for the female form, many men resort to hidden stashes of hard-core internet porn. Men and women are gloriously different and this should be celebrated.

Alpha Male Truths

So what or who is the alpha male? A man who has confidence in his masculinity and presence is often referred to as an alpha. In my opinion a true alpha male has some or all of the following qualities.

  1. He is in control of his character, in that he knows his strengths and recognises his weaknesses.

  2. He is secure in his life and enjoys helping and educating others in order to empower. Not fearing competition.

  3. His demeanour oozes confidence and optimism.

  4. He continually seeks to improve his brain and understanding of the world around him.

  5. He is very passionate in life, knows what he loves to do.

  6. An Alpha male is a natural leader. He can be relied upon to provide direction when needed, as he has a natural ability to solve problems.

  7. He understands that growth will happen when you step out of your comfort zone and he will readily do this. Also he will also encourage his woman to do the same. Giving her the space she requires and accepting her without judgement.

  8. He displays upfront honesty about expectations. You will rarely have to worry about where you stand with him. He will be honest with you because he will expect the same in return.

Media Lies

The media will characterise him as:

  1. A man who needs to gain as much power and control as he can and steal both from a woman.

  2. A man who will deny his woman the chance to make her own decisions. Instead he will need to direct her life to increase his sense of status.

  3. An aggressive and domineering man.

  4. A man who is demanding and self-centered.

  5. An impatient and bad listener.

  6. Ruthless, intimidating, and confrontational.

  7. Arrogant, stubborn and over opinionated.

If you consider the media’s continued efforts to shatter positive views regarding alpha males it becomes clear that social engineers have an agenda in which it has invested much time, effort and money over the years –  to castrate the masculine male.

Families Suffer

Devoid of alpha males, communities and families become easier to brainwash and control. The continual breakdown of the traditional family unit can perhaps be attributed to the emasculation of males and the consequent inability to supply the family with a traditional husband and father role. Rather than a family taking care of its own needs the state has to intervene more and more, exercising additional control over the children, defining and determining their place in the world and ensuring they never rise above that pre-ordained position or think for their selves.

It is time the alpha male is once again seen as a positive role model for young boys to look up to and for women to choose. It is time traditional values were recognised as a positive way to behave in society. As the proud norm and not as a dying, outmoded, diffident choice.

It is time to choose for ourselves, think for ourselves and stand up proudly for our families and our children.

First posted in 2017 – updated February 2021

rope alpha male

10 thoughts on “The Alpha Male – Misunderstood?

  1. This is an interesting g post May and, like you, I am attracted to alpha males. I agree with Liz that it comes down to choice though and believe strongly that we should all be able to explore the facets of gender, sexuality and relationships that we wish. One size does not fit all and whether that is for or against being an alpha male, it is forcing everyone to be the same which is wrong.

    Your post also made me smile. I know that there are aspects of D/s to your relationship although you have always said that you could not live it as a lifestyle. The way you wrote about what you need above could have been written by many a submissive and for me, it has been a way of getting exactly those things and giving HL the space to be naturally alpha. Missy x

    1. I totally agree about choice, and state it in my article – a man should have the freedom to choose how he wants to behave but also not feel pressurized by politically correct views in any way. Be confident in his own skin, whatever that may entail. I genuinely feel that the social engineers have made it difficult for some types of good male to be the kinda man he wants to be. And that is wrong. x

  2. All men and woman should be allowed to behave how they want to and choose which partner suits them best. It’s funny how your original post was from 2017 and the situation today is even worse in this regard than it was then. At the moment, males aren’t even allowed to exist anymore.

    In my opinion, everyone should decide for themselves what fits best in their relationship. I know I’m a submissive woman and that’s why I match best with a dominant man. It makes me feel comfortable, it suits the dominant and we complement each other. I take care of him as he takes care of me. And yes, I’ve had friends who wanted us to reverse our roles, but in our case that’s just impossible.

    So yes, please, more Alpha Males for me, both in my life and in the media.

    1. I think the important thing here is – as u say – choice within a relationship. The true alpha male should surely be able to adapt to being the person at home looking after the kids, if need be. And still be a confident male encouraging his partner. Rules can change, it is attitude which is important I think. Kids need strong role models to look up to- male and female – – i think that gets pushed aside at times
      May x

  3. Interesting post May.
    I read a couple of posts on and the thrust of them seem to be that women must allow their male partners to be the ‘hero’ – giving him space to play the alpha male role, otherwise he becomes lazy in the relationship, taking his partner for granted, no longer showing her affection or feeling attracted to her.
    They would seem to be supporting your point of view.
    In my relationship we prefer the more traditional roles, although as I’m currently going out to work and my partner is not, he is doing the cooking and shopping. For our situation right now, that works, plus it means he is able to be my ‘hero’ – my ‘hunter-gatherer’. He’d prefer to be the one working though – old habits die hard.

    1. Oh my man cooks practically every night – and that’s cool with me – it is more about attitude. The ability for the man to let his partner breath and be allowed to grow but still offering that confidence and stability for her to be able to rely on – in difficult times
      May x

  4. Great writing May, I agree with everything you said!
    It’s fascinating because I was the Alpha in our relationship when I first met my wife, and that is what attracted her to me. I was a guy with a small degree of (I emphasis small) status, power, and money (self made). After almost 3 decades together our positions have been reversed completely (much like as in ‘A Star Is Born’ but without the drinking).
    By everyone’s estimation (including my wife’s and her friends) I am a great guy and a perfect husband. I have supported her in her growth and given her the space she needed to become the corporate high flyer (and rich) she is now. She’s on top of the world, Ma!
    The only problem is that it’s cost her her libido. It’s something she’ll never admit to anyone because that might shatter their idea that she has the perfect life.

  5. I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, it is my opinion American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women? American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of some American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    1. This is too sad. Not all of us American ladies are this way by the way. I cook everyday, I get up early with my Alpha man and make him breakfast and pack his lunch for work, occasionally I’ll lay his clothes out while he’s in the shower. I cut his hair for him, shave him when he lets me. Lol. I do the laundry, clean the house, make the menus for the week, we do shop together because that’s just time we get to have to talk about anything and people watch. I happen to adore doing things for my man. Little things, like getting dressed up before he comes home just for him, we aren’t going out, I just know he’s coming home and I wasn’t to surprise him by being dressed up for the occasion. (Side note, not always in lingerie either ladies, although I do occasionally do this, I seriously mean a dress or skirt, high heels, makeup and fixing my hair. It makes him smile that wolfish smile we love to see on a man’s face and that in turn makes me very happy. ) Cutting his hair, setting up surprises for him (like a dinner party because he got the promotion, or just his favourite kind of ice cream when he least expects it, notes in his lunch box or brief case or wallet. Little things that let him know he’s appreciated, thought of and loved everyday. It’s not hard, and I love doing it, though bless him, he’s so not used to it. All he dated or married before were “alpha bitches” primarily.
      I have had the benefit in life however to habe been exposed to real lasting relationships in my youth that had a huge impact on how I treat men. My grandmother and grandfather had a relationship that lasted. They were 16 and 17 when they married, my grandfather went to Germany, my grandmother got a job. He returned after the war and got a job he stayed ay until he was diagnosed with cancer at 68. But being little when I lived with them, seeing how they interacted, how my grandmother got up at 3 each day to not only make my grandfather breakfast but you cook him a real meal for him to take to work for lunch. Iron his uniform and lady it out for him. Get my great uncle up, that still lived with them and get me ready for school. She was always doing little things too, like making him shirts or pants as she was a seamstress, or cooking his favourite pie or cake. Anyway, sorry I ramble, but I learned to follow suit. I’ve always been domestic, I love doing things with and for my man. There are some women out there that still do this. And are good to a man that’s good to them. So perhaps you could look within to see why some women you were with mistreated you, what type of woman are you attracted to and how do you treat them?

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