When I saw the gorgeous prompt from Kisungura in red lingerie this week for Masturbation Monday I had to add my last Smut Marathon entry to the meme – Barefoot and Bitless.
The original inspiration for this round of the competition being the provocative header photo of a red slip by Molly Moore.
Barefoot and Bitless ~ Smut Marathon Round Seven
A converted horsebox was home ~ Barefoot and Bitless
Audio ~ 28/11/19 Post Update
I have now given new life to this story as an audio production. It has been updated slightly too, as now I don’t have a word limit, and a few changes were made for audio-ease. Have a listen and a read.
You can find the original written story on the smut marathon site.
And So – the marathon
We were only allowed 800 words. Mine started out with loads more – going into detail regarding her character. There was a linking horse theme all the way through.
Much to my amazement four out of the five judges voted for me plus loads of the public so I came through the round in second place. Violet Fawkes was top of this round.
As we are in the knockout stage we all start with a clean slate in the next round.
I used a very jarring style of writing – short sharp sentences – as I really wanted the reader to feel uncomfortable as they read about this domestic abuse. Not a lifestyle choice anyone should stick with and my character left, albeit barefoot 😉
The main criticism I received was indeed the uncomfortable nature of this story.
I voted for Cara and Marsha and there were loads of fabulous stories. The standard was amazing.
My other smut marathon posts are here.
Guest Author
May More
I read this a few days ago and loved it but wasn’t able to comment for some reason. I have remembered to come back because your story was really powerful and stuck with me so I have been thinking about it. It was uncomfortable but also very erotic and I was drawn in to it straight away by the style of your writing. The line we walk is so thin between what we want and what we don’t and you have left me thinking about that a lot. This is a brilliant piece ?
Missy thanks you so much – I am really happy you mentioned about that thin line between yes and no I suppose – that is really what I was trying to convey x
This was magnificent! A good piece of fiction is a good piece of fiction…despite how dark and uncomfortable it might make the reader, perhaps even because of it. Erotica is inherently more permissive in what is considered acceptable ‘rules of engagement’. I applaud you for taking full advantage of that leeway. The story was sexy and dark and depraved, which is what made it so riveting. You definitely deserve top placement in the marathon. My money’s on you to win.
Thanks so much and so glad you liked my dirty smutty story 😉 High praise indeed but I am still learning, there are many writers better than me in the SM. I think the competition has taught me loads and I have grown as each round has passed. x
I really loved your piece for all the reasons you stated, it made me uncomfortable and yet the tension and the dynamic despite being wrong was also engaging in a sexual way.
Molly
You’ve woven erotica and coercion so cleverly together I felt guilty for being turned on and full of admiration for your writing skill!
I thought this was a great story, edgy and yes uncomfortable. I actually voted for it myself xx
In my opinion it’s the discomfort of this piece and the way you have written it that has drawn people in. You have done well, May, This is a good story and you deserved every point you got!
Rebel xox
Well your opinion is one I that I value so I am very glad you thought it was a good story 😉 x
Ooh goodness . . . uncomfortable but had me feel rather aroused in places . . . guiltily so LOL !!!
Xxx – K
Amazing and moving story, well done!
I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath in this one until the end when I finally released it. Wow.
I both love and hate that it started out so passionate and then ended up in such a bad place. But after what she’d been through, it makes sense to me that she would leave everything — even what was hers. That home was supposed to be an escape and it became a prison. I’d have left it too without looking back and completely barefoot. Whatever it took.
This is so powerful and so well told. The short sentences did exactly what you intended them to do, and it definitely helped move the story for me.
I can see how you came in with such a high place in this round. Very well done.
Ah thanks, Kayla that means so much coming from you – it was a difficult story to write but when i saw the prompt it was the only story i wanted to write. Just because we are writing erotic fiction should not stop us from tackling uncomfortable or taboo topics x
It is true your piece was uncomfortable to read, but I agree with Mrs Fever that you struck a clever tone with your writing, sexual for sure, but not exactly sexy because the abuse was a taboo for me too. The sacrifice your heroine made was huge but the fact that she was not broken or beaten down by the abuse and subjugation was a victory. The end was when I became sure I recognised your writing May, because despite dark subject matter, there was still some humour, some lightness. That’s very trademark @more_matters!
Thanks, Posy – I do try for some humour or “never the victim” in my writing – glad u can see that x
Prompted writing can be difficult in and of itself; writing within additional constraints, and to try to please a specific demographic (of audience and judges), can be beyond daunting.
While I recognize that this type of scenario is a turn-on for some, it is not for me. But the way its written is still quite visceral; it’s sexual without being sexY (for me), and while that type of writing can easily become detached and/or clinical (or cause me, as a reader, to become disinterested or critical), you succeeded in avoiding both.
That’s rare.
And this is not a criticism, it’s just an observation:
HE moved in (with just his kit bag) to HER place. A trailer she bought with her inheritance, no less.
But at the end, it is SHE who walks out. Leaving him, and her inheritance, behind.
I realize you had to write within constraints. Perhaps with more room for expanding back story or detailing character motivation, this wouldn’t have thrown me. But as it stands, it’s a disconnect.
The thing I liked best? The hook.
Starting out with “bound and gagged” and then having the story be essentially semi-to-completely non-consensual M/f, it leads the reader to think SHE is the one who will be bound and gagged in the end. So I love that when you hooked back to “bound and gagged,” it was HE who was in that position.
The fact that the gag was with her panties was icing on the cake. 😉
{I recognize that you were not necessarily seeking feedback of this nature, but given your story’s origination as a marathon piece, and my failure to engage in providing feedback on that site recently, I wanted to take the time. 🙂 }
I sooo appreciate your feedback and am very happy that you did not feel detached or disinterested. Very happy 😉
I do understand the disconnect you felt and why, and when writing I considered that but I have done as she did – in a less dramatic way – a soul is more important but I didn’t have the space to put that across.
Glad you liked the panties bit – added that at the last min with a smile on my face 😉
Your piece was great. I think discomfort is a good thing in fiction. It’s a reaction that makes us think, which is important in my opinion. Well done, May on your placement. You earned it
Thanks Cara – your piece really made me think about what is erotic – have been back to it a few times – all back to zero again now! x