Should BDSM Bondage come with a side order of Sex?

Should BDSM Bondage come with a side order of Sex?

BDSM Sex – To some people, these two concepts are indistinguishable and deeply connected. While to others, this may not be the case at all. What do you think? How sexual is BDSM to you? Can things like bondage and pain play be done without any sexual component? Liz Black.

I have started with Liz’s question as I think it is well worth answering  in its entirety.

There are many posts on my blog in which I discuss  BDSM or sex. Sometimes these involve a date night retelling, at others my own personal musings, and occasionally I have pondered over issues the question above raises.

Adding BDSM Practices to my life

I was a long time coming to terms with what I thought was a taboo need in me. And before I realised pain and pleasure did exist in the kink world side by side, I would frequently masturbate about really racy, sometimes violent and often non consensual scenes I found on line. I believe the fact I was not fulfilled sexually led me to look for things that would over stimulate my mind. That changed once I was enable to incorporate  kinks into ,my life.

At the beginning of my BDSM journey any kind of bondage seemed to cause me to feel horny as hell. I think part of that was down to the absolute hotness I felt about finally getting the type of sex I had yearned for. Not only that, the anticipation of the impending pain, wrapped up in the desire of being with someone I was extremely sexually attracted to, never failed to make me wet. So of course I wanted to end the session with sex of some sort and an orgasm for both.

To Come or not to Come

But, often my body was so hyped that when it came down to it I could not climax. But this didn’t take away any of the enjoyment I felt from the play. So much so it was usual for me to run the event through my head the following day. Then, masturbate with these thoughts vividly in my mind.

As my man and I became more used to each other I began to achieve the often needed release at the end of a  BDSM activity. And I must say that worked well for both of us. A warm satisfaction would settle over my body. Not to mention my mind felt clear and content.

 

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BDSM Sex ~ BDSM practices

Pain as Discipline

However, as time has gone on I am beginning to think I would like to feature BDSM practices as a form of discipline or as an act in it self without necessarily having to continue into a full blown scenario that ends with sex and orgasms. There is a growing need in me for experimentation. A caning as punishment. Perhaps temperature play or a rope session without sex on the menu too. I  brought this up a while back with my man. We started to have occasional spanking fun, often over his knee. I like that. Without the promise of  sex for afters.

This worked to a certain extent. Enough for me to realise I do like the pain as something separate to sexual activity. But my man admitted that spanking or whipping me is such a turn on that it becomes necessary for him to be jerked off in some way. Maybe that is something we can think of working on in the future when the end of lockdown has freed us to be ourselves again.

I learned from the few times we included the pain with out the pleasure of climaxing,  that afterwards I felt very relaxed and at peace. As if my worries and fears had dispersed and all was fine in the world. Worth persevering simply for that feeling.

bondage bdsm practices
#417 Bondage ~ BDSM Sex

 

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Discipline and Bondage ~ BDSM Practices

22 thoughts on “Should BDSM Bondage come with a side order of Sex?

  1. I’m only reading this now, late as ever…I’m on your side with pain. I think it can totally stand on its own. It does feel good to have made it through a session, like coming in from the cold. If he needs sex afterwards, nobody is holding him back. 😉

  2. Some of the sexual connotations of behaviour within BDSM are related to the effect of the connection between us and our own unique response to the stimulus and effect on our minds and bodies. The BDSM experience for me doesn’t have to be with someone who I am sexually attracted too. Sometimes not being attracted to that person amplifies my own power imbalance and I submit more readily or I may be more humiliated by being undressed or objectified by another. My attraction to that partner can be more powerful than one that is predicted on a sexual attraction.

    It may be that I become sexually stimulated by the encounter but it’s equally possible that I might be given peace and complete escape.

  3. You have raised some interesting points May and I can agree about the feeling after a spanking. Sometimes it is nice to do something without sex as the outcome and for me it is often the e optional connection, that could an emotional release too, that I a, seeking ?

  4. It’s interesting that you often couldn’t climax because your body was so hyped! I find that it makes me so much easier to climax.

    It’s also interesting that you might want to have a go at featuring BDSM as a form of discipline. In fact, it makes me all excited for you. Experimentation can be wonderful in my experience. I love the freedom that comes along with it, just having fun even if it turns out it’s not your thing. Also lol at it being such a turn on for him haha.

    Would it help if the mindset is that it’s for him and not about your sexual pleasure?

    1. Ah yes experimentation – I have done a lot as the years have gone by but usually wanting the result of a climax. I don’t find it difficult to come as a general thing – but when all my nerve endings are on edge from play, and my head is in a space of it’s own – I am feeling like I am teetering on the edge and just can’t slip over.
      xx

      1. It would be very interesting to see how this would develop, once you don’t get the climax anymore or it will depend on when he’d allow you one. But omg, it must be so frustrating teetering on the edge but being unable to slip over! So interesting. x

  5. excellent post. I enjoy the evolution and realization that your desires were not as taboo but more a desire you felt deep inside THank you for sharing this wonderful post

  6. Fascinating. I personally couldn’t imagine not having sex afterwards but this is based on the assumption my dick would be aroused after a bdsm session. Hard cock = orgasm required, in my book.
    But this is all theoretical since I have not indulged in any bdsm play with my wife.
    Despite her enjoyment of the genre when it comes to her erotic library, she insists she has no desire to try it in real life. Which brings me to your comment “I would frequently masturbate about really racy, sometimes violent and often non consensual scenes I found on line. I believe the fact I was not fulfilled sexually led me to look for things that would over stimulate my mind.”
    Thanks, you’ve kinda confirmed what I’ve long been fearing: that my wife is not sexually fulfilled and that I’m not the one to satisfy her. Whilst that is personally depressing its also kind of a relief too. Its like on TV when Dr House can finally identify the disease thats been causing all the pain for the previous 50 minutes. Unfortunately as we know from that show, identifying the disease doesn’t always guarantee a cure.

  7. I get why your man wants a release afterwards. It is all visual arousal spanking someone while you get all the physical sensations and endorphins. An orgasm seems not really necessary for the spankee.

  8. That is the nicest feeling, being spanked and then feeling so relaxed afterwards. There definitely is something to be said for BDSM without the sex 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

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