apologise

Don’t apologise for your Kink ~ Talk about it

We all like to indulge ourselves. On a now and then basis it should be part of a person’s self care and certainly not something to be sorry for. But I would think types of indulgence are purely personal. After all what is one man’s meat may be another man’s poison.

Oxford dictionary

Vice ~ evil or immoral behaviour; an evil or immoral quality in somebody’s character.

Indulgence ~ something that you allow yourself to have even though it is not essential

So here’s my personal take on these matters.

Food

My man and I eat extremely well. We don’t spend loads of money on food but we are those scavengers raiding the discount area and filling up our freezer with prime meat and fish for the fraction of its original price. We always cook from scratch. Nothing added except for herbs and spices. I really can not remember the last time I consumed processed food. I know this keeps me healthy and I am thankful,

Mr More is an amazing cook. Eating is essential but each time he makes us a meal it feels as if I am being indulged. And as this happens every day I sometimes have to pinch my self. But rather than feel guilty after eating we often add up the cost of the wonderful cuisine we’ve consumed. I think that an indulgence sits better if it hasn’t cost anything or indeed very little – such as the food we buy.

Another thing we do at meal times is turn them into a bit of an occasion. We will have a bottle of wine. Light some candles and put on background music. Phones, computers and the such like are switched off so we are free to enjoy our indulgence fully.

Alcohol

Speaking of wine… I drink too much. Wine definitely feels like more of an indulgence than food as it is can be expensive and not so good health wise. I suppose I could say it’s my vice. I’ve lessened my intake over resent months and hope to keep up that good work.

Drugs

Drugs have never been an issue to me. My More was in a punk band as a very young man and had taken most recreational drugs by the time he was twenty. But that is a thing of the past.

Personally I have never been too grounded. I could have been easily lead astray but thankfully when I was young I had some very sensible friends who kept me on the straight and narrow. I wrote this post a while back to Nero and it reflects my thoughts about drugs.

Sex

Now we are getting somewhere. Sex is such a cool indulgence and it is free! They do say the best things in life are free.

I think there should be some kind of parental or educational advice given to young people that informs them they are not crazy or weird for wanting kink involved in their sex lives. All kinds of sexual pleasure should be talked about as soon as the parent feels their child is emotionally mature enough to handle such concepts. Perhaps on a need to know basis.

From a very young age I had fantasies which I would have been ashamed to admit. When I started to have sex I would sometimes think of some dirty story in my head where I was being used and abused to help me climax. To the young me it seemed I was doing my partner an injustice. Shouldn’t I just be concentrating on the moment with them? And what kind of message does it put across if an independent girl like me tells my lover that I want to be hit, fucked and restrained? Would they take advantage of that? Or think I was a slut? So mostly I kept my ideas to myself and often ended up partnering the wrong – really vanilla – guy because I was trying to be “normal” sexually.

Don’t apologise for your Kink

Don’t get me wrong I love me some vanilla now and then but need kinky spice too. But it took me a long time to accept this – I think I viewed it as a vice I should apologise for when really with the right person it is a wonderful indulgence that can be shared to strengthen a partnership. Two consenting adults should never apologise for participating in kinky fun.

By not finding the kinky road earlier I wasn’t being true and actually damaged my self-esteem somewhat. Trying to stay with someone long term who does not share the same sexy likes as you – and won’t even try them – is demoralising and a path which leads to disaster. Unless of course you agree upon having play partners too.

One thing I would tell young people today is make sure you are sexually compatible with your chosen mate. Sexual chemistry is very important as is being able to discuss wants, needs and fantasies (even if you have no desire to change them into a reality.) Of course,  communication is key.

I will never forget when I first lay next to my man and told him some of my pervy thoughts. It was such a relief when he simply matched them with some of his own and we discussed what we wanted to do with our new found knowledge about each other’s filthy minds. Yes, that was a fine and gratifying indulgence.


(First published 01/12/2019)

Updated March 2021 for Tell Me About – Talking About Sex

Talk about Sex

Apologise #392

16 thoughts on “Don’t apologise for your Kink ~ Talk about it”

  1. I think “normal” is an unknown, sexually — you’re right in that most of us, when we’re young, try to *be* ‘normal’ when it comes to sex, but at the same time we don’t have any understanding of how wide the pendulum range of ‘normal’ swings.

    1. Yas i felt like i was weird thinking about things out side of the sexual box – but them i realised you could get out the box lol
      May x

  2. I agree so much that we need to encourage young people to talk about sex in its many different shapes and forms. I have always tried to do that but it ended up reinforcing the idea that there was something wrong with me so I hope that things start to change. You are right that you should not be ashamed of your kink but that is so often easier said that done. Thank you for joining in with Tell Me About Sexual Health. missy x

  3. So much yes to this post, May – I felt myself agreeing with so much. We are actually quite alike when it comes to quite a bit you have spoken about – more than you realise I think. I’ll pop you a dm to explain x

  4. Great post May!

    My rule on drugs was simple: never pay for them. If someone offers then sure, cheers mate, but if I ever felt the need to buy them then… nah, that never ends well. I’ve seen a few people get ‘hooked’ into a cycle/lifestyle that as not good for them.

  5. I absolutely share that last indulgence with you, where my filthy fantasies match those of my husband, and we indulge in those together. As for food, I indulge in that a bit too much…
    Great post!

    Rebel xox

  6. It’s so important to teach people of all ages that kink is OK and the being into all that weird stuff is fine. However I would say there is a bit of rush from doing something taboo.

  7. Never apologize for your kink. Just because it may not be something another person is into doesn’t mean that it is wrong in any way. I’m glad you touched on this too May. I love wine and at times have had to cut myself back due to overindulgence.

  8. You’ve hit on a very important thing here, which is being honest and open with yourself first and foremost. If you don’t accept yourself for who you are, then it becomes very difficult to convey that to others, starting with your partner.
    Good post, glad to hear things are going well!

  9. Wow, I just learned quite a lot about you! Thank you! Maybe it’s my current state, but I linger over every word when the topic of food comes up. A nice dinner, good food, company, they are not entirely free, but surely among the nicer parts of life. Thanks, May!

    1. Hey Francesca. I am really sorry I didn’t reply to this when you sent it the other day. For some reason it was in my spam and only just found it. Yes I love food – free or not lol x

  10. Considering I just opened a rather decent bottle of wine, it was an opportune moment for this to land in the inbox.

    I really miss working from home when I had the time to cook properly, it’s a very relaxing and healthy thing to do.

    Definitely don’t apologise for kink, it takes long enough to find it and so easy to be made to feel guilty about enjoying / needing it. I agree that repression can be damaging. There’s a lovely ease when kink is no longer a vice but a languid indulgence.

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