I have written a funny little tale from the point of view of a Cockney(East London) guy. What shall we call him? Phil, perfec!
For my readers who are not form the South East of England here is a little translator.
‘air = hair ‘er = her ‘ave = have ‘ere = here John = Toilet Jiffy = quickly Bosh = great Geezer = man Adam and Eve it = Believe it Laughing gear = mouth
I expect you can take it from there 😉
Elegant is as Elegant Does
So, you could say she was elegant – well the posh fuckers from Chelsea wouldn’t call ‘er that. But, anyone from these parts would say she was elegance itself – if they’d seen ‘er. But I knew deep down she was a fucking dirty slut.
Tottered in, she did, with red nails, red lips and red ‘air piled up on ‘er ‘ed. Fucking what!
Well, me you see, I’m a good looking geezer, broad shoulders and a nice smile. I bin told I’m a dead spit of David Essex, when ‘e was young like. So, there it was, looking at me from the moment it walked in. Body-con dress with ‘er tits spilling over the top. Joy to me eyes, she was. Well you don’t see many of ‘er type down at the East End’s ol Bull & Bush.
You know, I’d ‘ave bin straight in there if it weren’t for Eddie. He started chatting ‘er up saying somefink like –
What was a looker like ‘er doing alone in a place like this?
But all the while she stared across the bar, with a kinda pleading look – at me. Like she was saying,
“Wot you doing over there, get over ‘ere and buy me a drink.”
So I did. Strolled right up to em both and told Eddie she was my bird and what the fuck did he think he was doing chatting her up. Init.
“Eh sorry mate,” he said and bloody scarpered off to the John.
We both laughed and then she looked at me under ‘er false eyelashes. Well, I think they were fake, never seen any that long before – beckoning me, with her drawn-on eyebrows, towards the car park. I put me drink down and led the way. There’s a wooden shelter right down the other end – away from prying eyes. She followed me and immediately started pawing at me chest, unbuttoning me shirt.
“Fuck” I said, “get a bloody grip, down on your knees like the fucking whore you are and suck me dry.”
Pushing ‘er in that direction she didn’t need any more encouragement. Me knob was out in a jiffy and her laughing gear was all over it. Lucky cow. Sucking, slurping and blowing. I couldn’t Adam and Eve it. Fine ol time we were ‘aving. There was me about to shoot me load right down ‘er throat when she pulled me cock out and let it spurt all over her face, and cleavage. Bosh – job done.
There’s a light out back and it was shining right at ‘er – rare treat it was, seeing a bird wif cum dripping down ‘er chin.
I shook the last drop from the end of me dick on her face as she gets a mirror and tissue out from ‘er ‘and-bag, to clean ‘erself up, like.
“Well that was bloody lovely,” I said, “glad I met you, what’s ya name”?
Then all very elegant like, she replied,
“Sharon, and that will be 50 quid to you – a bit of a discount cause you were so quick.”
If you like that tale you may like this one as well
Love it! I could totally hear him speaking. A”bosh- job done” is hilarious 👍
Ha! Brilliant.
You got me with this one. Totally did not see the end coming. Brilliant bit of writing
Mollyx
Ha! That twist. Well done, May. I loved that ending
Oh, this was such a delight to read, May! I always love reading pieces written in dialects I’m unfamiliar with and any chance to learn a new piece of rhyming slang!
Thanks Jo I had a lot of fun writing it 😉 x
It’s a bargain 😉
Nize job done May!
Thanks Jor – that made me smile 😉
In spite of May claiming to be so frazzled of late, what a story! Loved it. Nice dialect.
I am ok as slept for a week! 10 hrs or more a night. Glad you like it – was just a bit of fun really x
Brilliant! Light, witty and quite authentic. Great sexy action May! x
Thanks Posy – I met guys like this – was never the redhead though 😉
Splendid May! Loved every word of it. And I didn’t know that ‘John’ was used for toilet but I looked it up and see it is as English as the day is long, so ‘elp me guv’nor! CPxx
So glad you liked it – fancy not knowing about the John – you are more sophisticated then the geezers I have mixed with, init! 😉 x
Ha! I was just thinking “yeah, all very nice for ‘im but wot’s innit fer ‘er?” (try writing that with auto correct!) (and yes, I already know innit should still be in it) and then you dropped the twist at the end. Very nice!
And the tone of your writing took me right back the late 70s early 80s and the pages of Club International and Mayfair magazine.
Thanks Nero – it was quite a challenge as I was nearly changing every word but wanted to give the reader a chance- as it needed to flow. It was fun to write. Come to me in a jiffy, it did, while in the John 😉
50 quid well spent
As I was reading, I figured she was either his girlfriend or a bar hooker; now the ending has me wondering if she wasn’t a local working girl doing an outcall. 😉
Accents can be difficult to maintain in writing. You did a great job in maintaining an unbroken flow. Dickens’ Magwitch comes to mind. 🙂
I did play with the idea that she was his girlfriend – but then just thought I would let you guys decide. Glad you thought I did a good job of keeping it flowing, with the accent. Sometimes I think I am channelling some “geezer” from south east London – Maybe I was him in a previous life 😉
Paul Raymond perhaps! 🙂
Hahaha the twist in the end made me smile! I’m sure you can link this for the Kink of the week prompt too 😉
Rebel xox
Hey thanks Marie I hadn’t,t even noticed x