erectile dysfunction

Experiences of Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is viewed by many as an unwelcome sexual complication.

Last year I read a post about a blogger’s experience with ED. By way of an introduction to his article he stated that not nearly enough is written about this sexual health problem. I entirely agree, so made a mental note to return to the topic. However, I don’t have any medical qualifications, although I do possess a psychology degree. With that in mind, for the purposes of this article, I will explore experiences of erectile dysfunction starting with my own.

First a simple definition of ED from Wiki.

Erectile dysfunction (ED), also known as impotence, is a type of sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis during sexual activity.

Experience one ~ May More

Many years ago – July 1997 – a boyfriend of mine would go soft while having intercourse with me. Now I am older I would be far more patient but at the time it happened I was a feisty young thing still learning about sex. The year was 1997 and I wrote it all down in a diary. Here are some clips.

Without further ado he retrieves a condom from his pocket, puts it on and roughly pushes his penis into my pussy. It felt so good. I could really feel him. He’s a good size for me. But then the unthinkable. I can sense it and can see on his face that it’s going down. His cock is getting soft. Of course he had to stop.

I made a joke and said “That means it’s time to go out – its far too hot in here.” I meant it, really, as it had been a very hot day. We both used the bathroom and were on our way.

By ten thirty he was eager to return to my house again…

I could feel his cock hard against me desperate to be free of his jeans and took that as a good sign! He threw me on the bed and started licking my already dripping cunt.

He started to fuck me from behind but after only a few strokes he lost firmness. Not to be put off I turned over and began to suck his cock to his moans of delight.

Deciding I would take things into my own hands. I mounted him and began performing the cowgirl dance. Stretching, grinding, breasts bouncing, bum cheeks soft and inviting for his hands to spank. In my head I thought this was bound to work. But no. You guessed it: ED again.

I can only excuse what I did next by explaining that I was at the point of feeling humiliated. Still sitting on him, though I had dismounted, I asked him if was he OK and invited him to talk to me about it. He just smiled one of his big grins at me and said he was “great”.

That’s when I did it. I couldn’t bare him being so smug when I was feeling like shit. All at once I slapped his face – hard. Unlike his bloody cock.

Wow – reading this back I cannot believe I exhibited such bad behaviour. Perhaps my age and the fact he refused to talk to me about it excuses the tantrum?

It’s interesting, perhaps to note that this was a young man– late 20’s. When psychological factors are in play age is clearly not a defining factor of ED.

Experience Two ~  Mr U

Erectile Dysfunction is new for me and something I didn’t expect as I’m relatively young and healthy. However, I’ve been told by my GP that it can happen at any age. It isn’t bothering me much – just something I need to overcome. My partners have been understanding and supportive. Although I feel that sexy play has been somewhat marred, it only effects PIV sex, only some of the time and there are plenty of other types of sex to enjoy.

I turned to an online pharmacy and, after answering some health-related questions, was sent S (aka Viagra, but a cheaper unbranded version). This was highly effective and, having spoken with my GP, have been prescribed more – it appears to be a psychological issue. Being able to perform – with a little assistance – may get me out of this head space.

So perhaps pharmaceutical products can help, even if in the short term they alter your mindset.

The next blogger tried Viagra. The source of his ED, however, is physical as opposed to psychological.

Experience Three ~ Sir Thomas

At 69, prostate cancer was detected – I opted for radiotherapy, since prostatectomy was more likely to cause impotency.

In the 2 years since the radiotherapy, the cancer appears to have gone. But sexual function and libido have just about died. At first, it wasn’t just inability to orgasm from sex, but sensitivity and feeling was declining. With the prostate having been zapped, its functionality has decreased so the volume of ejaculate is not much more than a dribble…

Sir T decided to tackle this in his own way. He devised a plan.

The plan involves daily half dose (50mg) of Viagra, cock ring (to impede blood outflow from any erection), pornographic stimulation, penis pump, masturbation once or twice a day, aiming for ejaculation as often as possible. All of this is backed up with ‘male enhancement’ supplements. The aim is with increased blood flow and nutrients to stimulate healing of the prostate, penile, vascular and nerve tissues.

Well after 3 months, I can report a modicum of success. Prostate tissue is functioning again at about half previous volume of ejaculate. Erections are improving, though not ‘hard’ yet. With 100mg Viagra, erections are just full enough that penetration might be possible.

Good news for Sir Thomas. But what about those who have low libidos for one reason or another?

Experience Four ~ Mr Anon

Personally, my libido has plummeted due to taking medication for depression and anxiety over the last 6 years. I then suffer from situational ED. I seem to have mental blocks around maintaining arousal and performing and making sure I look after my partner, which leads me to forgetting about the “sex is fun” part. This overthinking feeds into my GAD (general anxiety disorder) and I then have intrusive thoughts about letting my partner down: I should be better than this, why do I even bother, how can anyone find me attractive? That can kill an erection faster than Geology and hard math.

I really feel for Mr Anon. He seems to be in something of a catch 22 because all he is going through really does take the fun out of sex.

After reading all of the above experiences– and some more I intend to expand on in another post – I look back at the younger me and am a little ashamed of how I treated Al. My self-centered – “oh poor me” – attitude was out of order. It got me wondering just how this scenario might impact a woman who is in a committed relationship with someone suffering from ED.

Experience Five ~ Jae

As a 35 yr old (at the time) active and sexually experimental woman, there was no way I was going to let ED take over our pleasure. I wanted my sex life back with him and I wasn’t going to let him fester in his slump.

Thus began the time experiment and I began with the evenings. His drive is usually higher at night so I chose a night when the kiddo was away and teased him. It worked and no ED in sight. We both were able to get what we wanted and went to bed satisfied.

The next test was morning. I am very fond of morning sex and that is when my drive is highest. I woke him up with a bit of foreplay and he responded, initially. Once it got to PIV things rapidly declined. He lost his hard on and I couldn’t orgasm because I felt guilty.

The last piece of this frustrating puzzle was afternoon sex. This one is tricky as it only happens on weekends and when the kiddo is away or outside playing. This is our perfect time slot. We are both wide awake and our libidos match up quite well. We tend to have more quickies this way and the upside to it is that it doesn’t give S much time in his head, which means no ED!

All power to this couple. By working out when was the most likely time for ED to occur they can move away from future failings.

I am going to finish with a quote from Jae…

Erectile Dysfunction is a complicated bugger and it can strike at any age and anytime. The goal is to not let it take over your sex life. When I stopped beating myself up about ways I may be lacking, he stopped stressing over whether he could keep his hard-on.


Erectile Dysfunction ~ Sexual Health

Erectile Dysfunction ~ Sexual Health ~ Many thanks to those that contributed including Jae Lynn and Sir Thomas.


This post, written by me,  has been sponsored but the content has not been influenced in any way. This is an important topic

30 thoughts on “Experiences of Erectile Dysfunction”

  1. It’s so good that this is out there. I didn’t know much about this as I’ve just been living my lesbian life… lol, but I can imagine this can become such an insecurity issue for both sides, especially because it’s not often talked about.

  2. A great post May. And well done to those who contributed. It’s great to see the comments as well.. And of course Elliott always manages to raise a smile. It is a very serious subject and well done to you for airing it.

  3. A great and very interesting post May. Something that needs to be discussed. Thanks for linking to For the Health of it.

  4. Thanks for posting this. I have written a bit about it on my blog how burnout and stress affected my erection as well. And for me it is so strange that I only loose an erection with PIV sex. A handjob or even a spanking keeps me hard. It’s surely some psychological thing going on with me…..but then we do a lot other kinky stuff right know.

    1. that was similar to my experience with the guy I mention in this post. Now a days that is fine – I am not fussed about PIV sex – but then I was – maybe an evolutionary thing – I had not had kids at that point. TY for commenting;-)

  5. Rock And Roll

    I’m sipping at the well of sex,
    I shudder as my tongue connects
    With your soft and scented skin,
    I slowly taste you, toes to chin.
    I’ve learnt that joy is to caress
    You with a loving tenderness.
    Now I’m old my manhood swells
    So rarely that you’d think that knells
    The end of sex and joy with you,
    Instead I find my love renew.
    Gone is the need to yearn for spasm.
    The striving for my own orgasm
    Once made me blind to all the joy
    That we can have if we just toy.
    Performing all those loving lays,
    The touching, lovely songs of praise.

      1. It’s great that you are able to highlight this topic. I think it does need talking about and penis owners need to talk about it too. I can recall a couple of times when MrH was stressed ot exhausted that this has happened.

        I can understand why in that moment a smug grin activated the hand slap protocol..

  6. I have friends who have gone through prostate cancer and the treatment for it. One of them was a very good friend of mine and he confided that he had lost his ability to erect. It was devastating to him! He felt like he was no longer a man. I think in some respects it’s similar to how some women feel when they have had mastectomies! No logic to it, but deep down a lack of self.

    1. That’s how I was thinking about it, since I’ve had a mastectomy. The effects of radiotherapy are weird too and I can see it would have altered sensation for Sir Thomas. I continue to have a loss of sensation 18 months later.

  7. Nice post, May. Penises are funny things and seem to have a mind of their own. I was fortunate not to have experienced that, and at my age still marvel, and feel lucky, I can still get it up.

    I am shocked to learn that Pons wears nothing under that apron when cooking!

  8. Thanks for the quote May. By talking about these issues, I hope we can help other sufferers and partners, to try and lift the stigma.
    I am currently researching some scholarly papers on the physiology of erections (and conversely ED). I will try and get a summary posted in the next few weeks (but it will take some time to decode al the scientific and biochemical jargon).
    One of the recent discoveries is that there is a 2 stage process. Stage one, at which Viagra works, requires both mental and tactile stimulation to trigger the Nitric Oxide release that initiates erection.
    But there is a second stage involved in the continuing erection. This seems to be the point where a lot of ED lets us down. One of the trigger factors in stage two is blood flow shear. I was reminded of this at the path lab this week when the technician was having trouble with my blood flow from my arm, and reminded me that I must remember to drink plenty of water to help hydrate the blood cells. This is the point where excess alcohol can contribute to ED.

    Well, enough for this comment. Look out for my detailed post.

  9. The first time Master T’s cock went soft during sex, I did what many other women do too: I thought it was because of me. I didn’t know how to react, but he didn’t seem phased about it. He just said ‘next time’. A couple of times more (it doesn’t happen every time with sex) he did the same, and I gradually came to understand that it’s just a part of him. And if he doesn’t make a big deal of it, why should I? So I didn’t. He always makes sure I am satisfied, and if he can’t penetrate me, there are other ways to just enjoy each other’s company, also in a very intimate way 🙂

    Rebel xox

    1. I so agree with you Marie. As far as I am concerned there is a lot more to sex than PIV or even having an orgasm. The younger May here still had a lot to learn x

  10. I have an older friend who is writing and performing in a piece called Mourning Glory and has said he wants to raise the issue in the same way that the Vagina Monologues helped open conversations.

  11. I dated a guy that had ED for awhile due to medication and we worked around it. He still enjoyed stimulation. We also tried lots of kinky things that kept it interesting. It was one of the kinkier relationships I have had.

    1. yes I can imagine – I don’t actually need PIV sex at all really – seemed to at the time with Al – he was very kinky too. Thanks for reading 😉

  12. ED can be devastating for both partners and needs to be discussed a lot more since both parties can descend into shame, guilt, rejection and blame. Understanding what brings it on often brings relief, whether that’s a medical solution or a psychological solution.

    Patience is definitely required.

    A valuable discussion, I look forward to part 2. ??

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