Games to play when the coffee is cold

Games to play when the coffee is cold

I had some really interesting comments – here and on Twitter – in response to part one of this saga from my past life. The first part was just a snap shot of the situation – so here is part two. Right or wrong, you will find out more about me and my decision in the following post – Games.

I have kept extensive diaries over the years so have chosen to write this in the present tense – even though it’s from memories rather than diaries, and it occurred over 20 years ago.

This happened in Part One

“Hi, am I talking to May?”

“Yes, who’s calling?”

“You don’t know me but your husband’s been sleeping with my wife, Susan. I thought you should know.”

Games after the coffee – Part Two

31st December

I can’t sleep – it’s five in the morning and it feels like a black cloud has engulfed my soul. I get a notepad out of my bag and begin to write this diary about what I am feeling. The shock, the pain, the devastation. I want to ring Seb but I know its too early in more than one sense of that word.

Daytime –

I feel compelled, a strong, obsessive need to tell everyone he is close to about what he has done. I leave my friend’s house early and head over to his best mates flat. Ben lets me in and makes me coffee. He looks at me open-mouthed exclaiming,

“Why – when he has you?”

I feel vindicated.

Moving on I drive round to his family’s place. Informing his mum and Aunt that he has cheated on me – the golden girl. The one who was accepted like a daughter into the bosom of their family fold. They comfort me and tell me to stay as long as I need. But the games are not over, there is one more waiting to be played out.

I know he will not be at home so I go over to our house. Stroking the cat on the way through to the living room. I flick on my stereo and set our song to repeat. I feel a slight bit of deranged contentment in knowing that when he comes home it will be playing over and over – he’ll take a moment to realise I have been there, and think about what he has lost.

Party Time

It’s new year’s eve, I wonder can I cope with a party? But whilst at the house, I grab a few more clothes and head over to Hannah’s place. She is hosting the new year’s eve bash and I can’t just wallow in my own misery. I will not be his victim.

Applying make-up we chat and I try not to make an issue out of what has just happened. A crowd of us head for the local pub before the party and Debbie’s boyfriend is all over me, asking where Seb is. I explain we are not tied at the hip and are spending this night apart. He is very complimentary –

“Wish Debbie and I could be like that,” whilst staring at my tits.

Yes, he always was flaky, she can do better.

Back at the party, I attempt to enjoy myself, but my heart sinks each time a song is played that is poignant to Seb and me. I wonder where he is and what he is doing.

I want to dance. Hannah joins me and suddenly someone is banging into the back of me. Her boyfriend’s arse hole mates are pushing Al my way. We look at each other and apologise. Even in my angst, I recognise there is something about him that attracts me. He reminds me of the guy from college I had that raunchy dream about. He’s camp and hot in a really geeky way.

1st January

Once again I can’t sleep – it may be all the coffee I am consuming but I have a million questions spinning around my head. I decide to call him. He answers sleepily, muttering a greeting before I shoot a barrage of questions his way.

He explains he never shagged her in our house – they used to go out after work in his camper van. It had only only lasted about a month, now it was over – he wished it had never happened.

After the call I lie on Hannah’s couch, the smell of last nights party lingering in the air, torturing my self with graphic images of the pair of them kissing, touching, having sex in the van.

Later, I find my self back at Seb’s Aunts place, and take a look at the local newspaper. I need to get myself a bedsit to be near work. All my friends live too far out for me to stay with them.

I arrange a couple of viewings.

2nd January

I feel very bleak as I am shown the rooms. I can’t picture myself living in them at all. To me they seem dark, dingy and lonely.

Back at his Aunt’s the phone rings – it’s him. Apologising, begging and making promises. I agree to go for a drink .

Sitting opposite he implores me to forgive him, to not waste all we have worked towards. He tells me it will never happen again. I want to believe him. He was never one to play games. I almost start feeling sorry for him when he explains how he never knew if I was committed to our relationship, and how he wondered if I still had feelings for Vic. He implies what has happened is my fault for not sharing my feelings.

Rather than retaliating I ponder over events in my mind. There are things Seb does not know about. The most important one being that he was right to feel my distance, I do periodically sleep with Vic. The connection between us has always remained strong. I certainly am not the lily white victim I’m portraying. I consider for a moment telling him. To even out the blame. But no, I cannot see how that will improve anything and I don’t want to be seen as a cheat, I am too righteous for that!

3rd January

Once more I have been awake most of the night thinking. I feel it’s for the best to get back with him. I am sure I still love him and he feels the same. He just made a mistake. We all do. I drive round and he is in the kitchen making breakfast. He looks up sheepishly. When I tell him my decision he hugs me. We start kissing fumbling for each other’s buttons like teenagers. Falling on the couch he asks me if I am sure. I reply by straddling him. His cock slides deep inside me. I want to fuck until I can erase the other women. I grind down stimulating my clit with every movement. We both cum and I feel insecure.

4th January

Back to work today. I couldn’t stop thinking about if he was going to see her. In a moment of weakness, I ring her husband. I kept the number from when he called me. He is happy to chat and says he’s certain it is over. During the conversation, I realise I have to let it go or it will eat me alive. I can not spend every moment worrying that he could be with her or someone else. At that moment I make a pact with my self to leave it in the past, for my own sanity.

Once home I need to have sex again. The funny thing is, in the early days once the initial lust had worn off, we never really had much sex. Seb is very vanilla and I had a very open first boyfriend and do get bored with the same old sexual routines. But now it feels as if we are back at the start of our relationship. I am hurt and vulnerable. I need reassurance that comes from fucking. Also, there is a slight twist going on in my head. I almost find it sexy that he fucked with someone else.

16th January

Yesterday we sold the camper van.

Games Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked
Games #302


This post – Games to play when the coffee is cold – ends about a year or so before my actual diaries begin on my other site.

11 thoughts on “Games to play when the coffee is cold

  1. I was wondering what was going to happen. I loved the way you handled the news, especially the parts about telling his mom and aunt and putting your song on repeat. That had to be a mind trip for him. I am glad you put the timeline at the bottom, as I was wondering when this was compared to the diaries on your other site.

  2. Pretty fucked up all round, but I’ve been there too. At various times I’ve been him, I’ve been you, and I’ve been that guy you cheated on Seb with. It’s all just hormones messing with our brain chemistry in the end.

  3. Did you ever end up telling him that you were also cheating on him? If so, did he tell your family? I cheated on a boyfriend in college (like you, with someone else I was in love with); we tried to make it work after I told him everything, but it just ended up being a super long breakup. When he told me that he’d told his dad that I cheated on him, I was *so* upset; I would have felt completely betrayed had he told my mom… but then again, he felt betrayed, so I guess that would have made it an eye for an eye. I think it’s awesome that you are so honest here. It’s hard to be really honest, even in hindsight.

  4. Somehow I love that you got back together again and I hope you eventually stayed together and that he didn’t cheat on you again!

    Rebel xox

  5. I love this diary, the inner monologue, the self righteous but honesty in admitting such

  6. I have to say you triggered a cascade of memories and fears for me with the first post and this helps put everything in context. I sometimes feel like writing about my past will be seen as purely salacious, but while I am highlighting the erotics of a situation I’m also trying to work out why I’ve lived the life I have. Perhaps to make sense, but also to clear the decks so I can try to move forward in whatever life I have left. I didn’t keep diaries just some poems, and photos but I’m also revisiting places reading up on historical things. I was so insanely busy experiencing things back then I rarely pressed the pause button. Thanks for this May.

  7. It was nice to see a continuation of this story. When I first started reading it had jumped to Party Time and I had missed the first part. When I went to reread I found the start. Wow, you did not screw around, May, telling his mom and aunt. That was wicked with the music, yes games.

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