Many talented bloggers have shot up over the last year. Jupiter Grant is one of them so I was very happy when she agreed to write a sex toy review for me.
In keeping with the style of my blog her review is informal, hipp-tastically HOT and witty.
When the lovely May More contacted me with an invitation to write a guest review for a sex toy, I leapt at the chance.
I’m a bit of a sex toy addict, as my credit card statements will attest, and as someone who’s had May’s blog in her bookmarks for quite a while now, I was totally flattered to be asked.
May sent me a list of what she had available for review. I was intrigued by the Satisfyer Vibes Petting Hippo as soon as I read the name. On seeing the design, with its rounded “snout” protruding at a very g-spot-enticing angle, well, I can’t deny that I felt a little flutter in my lady-basement ?
The Satisfyer Vibes Petting Hippo comes in a hygiene-sealed box, because we all want to know that our new toys are clean! The packaging isn’t flashy. The toy sits in the moulded plastic housing we’re all familiar with. The charging cable, safety instructions and very basic user manual round out the contents. (And when I say basic user manual, I mean it! I couldn’t help but giggle, though, at the diagram that showed me exactly where I was to stick the Hippo, just in case I were in any doubt!)
The high quality soft silicone is lovely and smooth. It has a delightfully soft, spongy and flexible feel to it whilst still remaining sturdy. The charging cable plugs into any USB port and, much to my fascination, it attaches to the Hippo’s bottom (if you will) via two magnetic dots. This means that the toy’s inner workings remain protected from the outer elements. Thus, it can, like all good Hippos, hold up well in a watery playground.
I couldn’t wait to try it out but was disappointed to read in the specifications that a full charge takes 3.5 hours, for approximately 50 minutes playtime! That seemed rather excessive – especially when I was just itching to get that snout snuffling away at my g-spot asap. But I supposed that such a hefty charge time probably meant that this baby packed a punch!
Fortunately, most manufacturers of USB-chargeable sex toys provide you with a little bit of juice already on board, realising how keen you are to take your new toy for a spin, and Satisfyer are no different. After an hour, the charging lights had stopped flashing. The Hippo was ready for its maiden voyage to g-Town. Lights dimmed, some sultry mood music playing in the background, and a towel down to protect the bedsheets (always gotta be ready for the elusive squirting O); I was wet and ready for the first test, a solo-flight to Hippo Heaven…
The first thing I noticed upon switching on the Hippo was how noiseless it is. When Satisfyer proclaim this toy to be “whisper” quiet, they’re not lying. You could comfortably use this with someone in the room next door. The only giveaway would be your own moans of pleasure.
Being a nipple fiend, naturally I had to give the boobs the first go-over and, wow – I immediately felt the thrumming all the way down between my legs, as though an electrical wire were connecting nips to clit. Well done, Hippo, that’s one point to you straight away.
I then ran the snout of the Hippo up and down my labia, and over my clitoris. On the lowest setting at first, and the deep vibrations got me very wet, very quickly. Even without any lube yet, the toy slid smoothly and comfortably over my skin, and between my pussy-petals. The Hippo has a pleasant weight, and it glides easily. It feels magnificent on the clitoris; those deep, rumbling vibrations really hit the magic spot and, had I allowed myself, I would have had a head-board-banging clitoral orgasm in no time. But no, the Hippo’s big claim is as a g-spot vibrator, so I wanted to test it inside first.
Lube and go
When I lubed-up, set the vibration settings to the next level, and inserted the head of the toy into my vagina, I couldn’t help but moan. The vibrations immediately stimulated my clit from the inside. The g-spot is, after all, part of the same pleasure zone and collection of sensitive nerve ending. I don’t think I have ever experienced a sensation quite like it from any other vibrator; no external contact with the clit itself, and yet lots of clitoral stimulation.
The unique design of the Hippo’s “snout” seems to enable it to easily find the front wall of the vagina and that sensitive g-zone. I found that unlike other g-stims I’ve tried, which can venture a bit too far into Her Vag-esty and thus miss the prime location, the Hippo manages to hone in on the optimum spot very quickly. As a result, it did not take long at all for me to get that “foo-foo-fire” feeling and the sensation of needing to pee.
What I discovered, as I manoeuvred the Hippo around, was I didn’t require a whole lot of vigorous movement or thrusting in order to get towards climax. The slight bend in the body of the toy was, for me at least, at such an angle that with a simple North-South wiggle of the Hippo (which is made super easy by the ringed handle, giving superior grip and cramp-free play), I could hit both the clit and the g-spot to whimper-inducing effect.
The climax built steadily and, oh my word, what a blissful climb it was! When the moment (and I) came, it was a full-bodied peak of a blended orgasm that had me groaning and writhing on the mattress. Not a squirting orgasm, but it was sharp and warm and shimmery. I was able to have another big one again within a matter of only thirty-odd seconds. However, after those two peaks, I needed a little break to catch my breath.
After about 10 minutes, I sent the Hippo in for another reconnoitre in Pussyville, and this time matched it with some direct clitoral stimulation by way of 1) a mid-sized re-chargeable wand and 2) a little rabbit-ears only vibe. I alternated between the two toys, whilst keeping the Hippo pressed against my g-spot, thrusting gently in and out. Each different toy I used on my clit gave its own unique set of sensations in concert with the Hippo. All of them were immensely pleasurable.
As I got closer and closer to another climax, I began to thrust the Hippo in and out quite vigorously, on its highest constant setting (the toy’s 12 vibration settings include pulses of various strengths, but I find I need the consistency of a regular and persistent vibration to get me off). The combination of direct and brisk clitoral contact and the deep vibrations inside me had me literally panting and shrieking. I have never come so close to squirting. Had my partner been in control of the reins, I am confident that I would have been spraying the bedroom with my own intimate spritzer!
However, as ergonomically designed as the Hippo is, I struggled to maintain the vigorous rhythm I needed to really push me over the final cliff-edge. But although I didn’t manage to come at all during the second try, I think this was more due to my own over-stimulation than any flaw in the design or competence of the Hippo. And, despite being orgasm-free, I still felt satisfied nonetheless, as the entire build up is really satisfying from go to woah.
The Second Coming
H couldn’t be there in the flesh, sadly, but he was getting me hot with some sexy messaging. I was throbbing as he described in luscious detail what he wanted to do to me. I could feel the wetness starting to trickle between my pussy lips. In between messages, I grabbed the Hippo (thank god I’d fully charged it after the previous night’s road-test!), laid back and started to masturbate. I sent him a photo of the current proceedings. He immediately took sexy control, texting hot and dirty words and scenes to me while the Hippo buzzed against my g-spot and my clit.
The handle really does make the Hippo easy to use; so often with g-spot vibes, you finally manage to get the sweet spot, but the slightest move, a slip due to an excess of vaginal wetness, or pre-orgasmic tremor knocks the vibe off target, making you lose your moment. But I can happily confirm that the Hippo’s handle and ergonomic design makes it easy to use and keep trained right where you need it, one-handed if necessary. ?
Again, the build up was luscious. I had a series of “mini-orgasms” before I put down the phone, picked up the nearby wand and went for the double-whammy of simultaneous g-spot and clit stimulation. Hippo on the inside, wand pressed firmly to clit. When I came (twice again) just seconds later, I saw stars, and thrashed my head on the pillow in ecstasy. As I lay there afterwards, flushed, sweaty and satisfied, enjoying the trembling of the aftershocks deep inside me, I declared it to have been a pretty damn successful second coming.
I have always found self-proclaimed g-spot vibrators rather hit and miss. But I was very pleasantly surprised by the Satisfyer Vibes Petting Hippo. It’s unusual “snout” is ideal for reaching that sweet spot without a whole lot of awkward manoeuvring. And the deep vibrations will make your whole body quiver. If, like me, you enjoy g-spot and clitoral stimulation at the same time, the Hippo’s design makes it easy to achieve without leaving you with RSI.
Though I’ve not tested the theory, I suspect that the Hippo’s design would also work well for P-spot stimulation. So its appeal is not just limited to vagina-owners.
Though I haven’t yet had the Hippo wielded by another’s hand I suspect that those in the driving seat of the Hippo (she said, mixing her metaphors) would also find it easy to grip, and a great fun way to get your partner off. I mean, just sticking that cute little Hippo face into an orifice is worth a giggle or two!
To paraphrase the commercial for the classic family game, I’m Hungry! Hungry (for the) Hippo!
The Petting Hippo Specs
22.9 cms (9″).
Silicone Flex Technology.
Magnetic USB charging cable included.
Re-chargeable Li-ion battery.
Charge time: approx. 3.5 hrs.
Play time: approx. 50 mins.
Many thanks to May More for inviting me to guest review the Satisfyer Vibes Petting Hippo. Needless to say, the opinions expressed in this review are my own. I have no affiliation with Satisfyer.
Jupiter Grant xx
All photos copyright Jupiter Grant
You can check out my other sex toy reviews – some written by me and a couple from guest bloggers.