Goodbye to Intercourse ~ By Mr More

Goodbye to Intercourse ~ By Mr More

 In the future I may follow this with a post of my own. But for now read what he has to say about sexual intercourse…

How a lie lead to a lot of naughty sex

My first girlfriend told me she was unable to achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse. She’d had two previous partners, and was convinced there was no way it would happen. She could bring herself to a climax quite easily, so I suggested that following intercourse she should masturbate. I was happy to participate in this. Contributing whatever stimulation she desired, and as a result we enjoyed a lot of satisfying sex.

I moved to London -she did not- and my sexual horizon quickly expanded. For a young, randy kid off the parental leash, sex was like crime: means, motive and opportunity. Thanks to the common excesses of showbusiness (my chosen profession) the means and the opportunities fell into my lap. Literally, in some cases. The motive went without saying. So I had lot of sex with a lot of women in the five years that followed my relocation to London. Much of it wonderful, some of it weird and most of it witless.

Seven years later, just when my brain had learned to overcome my balls, a woman I was involved with became pregnant. Sadly, this was a very calculated exercise on her part, as she herself admitted. I had, from the start, made it clear – I could not have made it any clearer- that I had no wish to father a child, with her or anyone else. (Indeed, I have never had that wish at any point in my adult life, and have always been scrupulously honest about this with anyone considering involvement with me.)

Having assured me she was using the contraceptive pill, my girlfriend had in fact lied. And for several weeks had been doing no such thing. She decided that becoming pregnant was a good idea. Arrived at this conclusion entirely in her own mind, making no attempt to discuss the subject with me. The relationship itself was already floundering and I don’t doubt that played a part in her rather desperate actions.

Being young, selfish and defiantly irresponsible, I suggested two options. If she was determined to have the baby I’d marry her, and parent the child through to adulthood. After which we could go our separate ways. Or she could have an abortion. After some deliberation she chose the latter. The relationship ended. I won’t dwell on the emotional repercussions of these events, because I cannot imagine that the consequences for me were even a fraction of those impacted upon that unfortunate woman. However, the determination that such a scenario must never happen again was ingrained in my mind, and was never far from my thoughts.

During my next relationship, this recurring worry led me to what some might consider a radical solution.

I decided to stop engaging in sexual intercourse.

Not surprisingly, my girlfriend was less than thrilled by this development, and jumped ship.

But my mind was made up. From this point onward, any and all sexual relationships I had would be predicated on two principles : I have zero desire to reproduce and I won’t be having intercourse. This is not -take my word for it- a chat-up line that brings a crowd of women kicking the door down to get at you. On the other hand, my oddball rules had the merit of inviting interest, usually followed by polite inquiries about what the hell was wrong with me. And of course, more than one lady took my declarations for a challenge, and thought to herself : I’m such a hot sexual handful, in the end he’ll agree to do whatever I want because I’ll make him so aroused he won’t be able to resist...

But resist I did.

Over thirty years passed and my resolve was unchanged. No intercourse!

I suspect this may be too big an ask for a lot of men, but my slightly odd personal history played a big part. As stated above, I had enjoyed rather a lot of varied sexual experience relatively early in life, and had no feelings of having ‘missed out’ on the carnal carnival. Furthermore, my very first sexual experiences were with a woman for whom intercourse was never the climactic experience. Time passed, lovers came (and came) and went. I became fairly well acquainted with the business of bringing women to orgasm by means other than screwing. I will also admit it was not the worst thing in the world to find yourself -occasionally- in bed with a woman who was hell-bent on driving you wild with desire. Let’s just say I got through it all in one piece.

In retrospect, I certainly wouldn’t recommend this approach to anyone as a viable lifestyle option. But I honestly have no complaints about the way things turned out. With intercourse off the menu, my sexual adventures were inevitably going to be addressed with a greater degree of imagination, care and attention to detail. I like to think that what was lost on the swings was gained on the roundabout. I’d found a solution to the problem of keeping sex as a recreational activity. Needs must when the devil drives. I’m pretty sure I belong to that small but significant percentage of people who find their sex drive running way ahead of most potential partners. I’d expect a few sex-bloggers view themselves in a similar way.

All bad things must come to an end, however. I am now, thankfully, in a relationship where the strictures of the previous three decades are no longer necessary. Paranoia’s finally off the table and everything else is back on the menu. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on the imagination, the care, or the little details either. There are, after all, many great ways to skin a cat.

naughty lies intercourse


23 thoughts on “Goodbye to Intercourse ~ By Mr More

  1. Thank you for sharing. I find it so interesting reading about different roads people have taken, what led them down those roads and how different things could have been !

  2. I think we forget that it’s not just men who persist in the face of a no-
    “more than one lady took my declarations for a challenge.”
    On my swinging profile I state “No does not mean ‘convince me'” but you’d be surprised (or perhaps not) at the number who try. But I’m sure that’s a post I should write for my blog rather than clothing up your comments section May! X

  3. I don’t understand the mentality of some females. Thank you for sharing and from reading the comments it has been a healing experience. I totally agree. It is almost like a confession for me at times!

  4. I read this shortly after it was posted and had to have time to think about it before commenting.

    It’s not that I found anything shocking, though the pregnancy trap was a shockingly deliberate act that 30 years ago was still liable to entrap the partner into marriage and support. I found your solution very intriguing. It’s not an uncommon question to me as to why I don’t have sex. The focus of that question is invariably related to intercourse and not the far wider definition of sex.

    I always say that I have plenty of sex – it’s with the mind. I do admire this solution of yours, it interleaves the sex of the mind with a physical sexuality that defies so many misconceptions.


  5. I love the way your mind works to turn a negative into a positive and move on -finding new pleasures as you go (seems like you & May are ideally suited!)
    I love how you bounced back from lows that could’ve floored you. I see how many will’ve wanted to break your resolve; But ultimately you & they have benefited from the skills acquired on your new ‘path’.

    So much admiration for your writing and the mindset your words reveal – thanks for sharing.

    1. Glad that you get that – it’s amazing how often a setback reveals an opportunity. This wasn’t something I ever expected to write about, but having been lured into May’s world it was bound to surface sometime. The incentive to share is much greater when so many people respond so positively – it’s very much appreciated. 🙂

  6. Wow…what and interesting read. I’m amazed! I don’t think I have that kind of resolve, and I am impressed that a highly sexual man could do this…for 30 years, no less! I do think it is very interesting to point out that it made you more creative and that you didn’t give up your sex life…just intercourse. Sometimes we don’t give the rest of it enough credit!

    1. Spot on Bridget. It’s not something I’ve ever written/spoken about publicly before and it’s been great to read people’s reactions. And yes, there’s a lot more to sex than we first think… 🙂

    1. Thanks for that Julie. It was a small hurdle to jump. We can all choose how to deal with setbacks, and for me the only way was forward. And I know from your blog that’s how you roll, so your input is very much respected. ?

  7. Yeah, it was a bad thing, but she was just a foolish youngster who didn’t bother to think. Truth is I wasn’t that bothered about limiting my sexual options. Once I was clear in my head about what I wouldn’t do, I just focussed on what else I would. Plus, over the years I’ve had some really poor treatment courtesy of the medical profession. I’d take a lot of persuasion to let them near my gonads with a knife!:-)

    1. Thanks – but honestly, it really wasn’t that difficult. I’d pretty much OD’d on intercourse by that time and it felt like just another interesting side-road to explore (I’ve always been happier on a side-road)

  8. I cannot fathom the thought process that would make someone want to trap someone like that. It only breeds resentment so why even go down that road?

    An interesting approach to combating that possibly though. I can’t say it isn’t one I wouldn’t take myself considering the circumstances. I will say I’m glad things have come around that you don’t need to avoid like that. I can imagine you did develop many other methods of having a good time by going that way though.

    1. Truthfully, I can’t believe there was a thought process going on at all. She was just a mixed-up youngster. It’s weird, but I sometimes think it worked out for the best, tho. I just became a different, peculiar version of myself. I never cease to be amazed at what’s locked up inside us all, waiting to get out.

  9. It isn’t fair to anyone to take that kind of action, and I am sorry that you were her victim. And, I am glad you are now in a good relationship where intercourse is back on the menu ?

    1. I was shocked at the time, but the older wiser me would say the aborted child was the victim, if anyone. The girl wasn’t thinking straight at all. In a funny way I got to explore a slightly different aspect of sexual behaviour I might have missed.

      1. I absolutely agree with you about the victim, and I’m glad to see that fact acknowledged.

        Your solution — though seemingly extreme to others — makes perfect sense to me. There are so many ways to derive pleasure that have nothing to do with PIV.

  10. There is something so incredibly mean to falling pregnant on purpose and against the wishes of another. This is just not done. I just don’t have words for it… and am sorry that you had gone through this. Yes, a radical decision not to have intercourse again, but totally understandable after what had happened. And of course, while reading this, I had to think about all those other skills you have acquired along the way to keep the women coming back 😉

    Thank you for sharing this!

    Rebel xox

    1. Strangely, it didn’t seem that radical at the time. My life has been a bit of roller-coaster, and by twenty-five I was past being amazed at how weird stuff can get. After a few more years I saw no-screwing sex a bit like the way sex-bloggers talk about their ‘kink’, perhaps. Like it was my “chosen thing” rather than a limitation.
      And my skill set did indeed improve 🙂

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