I wasn’t going to write a post about Words to Live By as my man has written a brilliant article on that topic already.
But I wanted to enter this little photo into the Lingerie is for Everyone meme. I am wearing my favourite bra that you can find in many photos of me on this site. Can’t beat a bra that is sexy and comfortable. Particularly if you have big boobs.
I love the jacket I am wearing too. It is an original Daks – so very old yet in great condition. I wore it in one of my first ever photos that was picked for the Sinful Sunday roundup. People never fail to comment on the colours. It is quite striking.
While I was thinking about the above it occurred to me that I actually like the images I put out of me on my site. Some more than others but that is OK. Things were different when I was a late teen and I struggled with myself so much.
When ever they were out of ear shot he’d tell me I was ugly and he didn’t know what anyone saw in me. Sometimes he’d attempt to convince the guys to give me up, They both loved me though so thankfully that was not going to happen.
But I began to believe him. I was ugly. I was worthless. And for a while I quite hated myself.
It was difficult to fathom out why he was being so cruel. I felt I hardly knew him. Some said they thought he fancied me so was jealous. But that would have perhaps warranted a little jibing. He was darn right vindictive towards me. Then, only about ten years ago I thought of another possible reason.
My dad was a paediaphile. Not a recognised or convicted one. Anyhow, he taught the boys at my primary school football after classes. Perhaps my dad had dealings with this lad and this was why he hated me so? But I will never know and to be honest don’t want to.
During this time I would sit in my small box bedroom and sob. Listening to the Greatest Love – George Benson version. And these lyrics made an impact –
I believe that children are our future;
Teach them well and let them lead the way.
Show them all the beauty they possess inside.
Give them a sense of pride, to make it easier;
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we use to be.
Because the greatest love of all is happening to me.
I found the greatest love of all inside of me.
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.
And if by chance that special place that you’ve been dreaming of – Lead you to a lonely place – Find your strength in love
I knew the only way through the torturous bullying was to believe in my self and learn to love me for who I was.
Posy talks about how important it is for us to encourage young people to recognise their talents and feel worthy. So true and precisely the treatment I would have benefited from as a teenager.
The boy’s comments led me to feel truly dreadful, my self-esteem hit rock bottom. But by the power of music the song convinced me if I discovered inner strength I could change this. Clutching my teddy, who had been with me since I was three and still sits on a bed in my home, I would rock forward and back, singing along to the song. My teddy and the record became my support network.
Deviant, who has written a great article regarding her own support system, will be interested to read about how I came to rely on both these things to boost myself when life events got me down. This continued for quite a few years. The lyrics,
Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all
became my mantra, my Words to live By – and in a way they still are.