Losing Control ~ Guest Post

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I can’t tell you how pleased I am to be hosting this gritty true tale from Gypsy Tangerina.

Introducing Gypsy Tangerina

I guess I’m a lot of things. A father of two. Though, not sure what gender I am now. I’m on a continual journey of exploring my sexuality which has been very fuzzy for the past 5 years after a fairly long period of being a straight guy, (or at least pretending I was even to myself.)

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Gypsy Tangerina

These days Gypsy covers most things in my life.

Always between places.

Always on a journey to find out more about who I am.

Facing fears and demons.

Spreading love and positivity.

And tangerina because I’m mad about all things orange.

My story is about losing control. About a thought that ran away into arousal, at a time when I was very confused about everything.

Losing Control ~ Gypsy’s True Tale

I was sixteen. Working on the back of a potato harvester, a huge red painted machine towed by a tractor. It rattled and clanked its way along the rows and I worked.

Head down under the canvas.

Avoiding the rain that hammered down outside and dripped on to me.

I removed the clods of earth, from in among the potatoes, that came up into the machine.

There were seven of us in the gang.

  • Malc, (who hated most people), walked behind, picking up what the machine missed.

  • “GI Jim” and Karl who tied and stacked the sacks.

  • The two plump Cole brothers stood one side sifting out huge handfuls of wet sticky earth.

  • On the other side were Wesley and I. Both young lads and the only ones skinny enough to work that job.

Wesley kept me sane most days. He had a sense of humour and wasn’t scared of anyone. Slim and pale, but about 5 inches shorter than I was. He stood on a wooden block to reach the belt and was always smoking Superkings. Long white fags sticking out of his puckered mouth. Unruly black hair over his eyes. Blue ripped jeans and a scruffy white shirt that looked like his dad’s.

As the machine moved along Wesley and I darted our hands in and out of the potatoes, elegantly picking out rotten ones and bits of earth the guys on the other side missed with their clumsy lunges. It was like a ballet.

Like a game.

Beat the machine,

seven hours a day,

five days a week,

all summer long.

And that summer was wet. I would’ve walked away if not for Wesley and his stupid sense of humour. His hands dancing around mine. Licking in and out of the spaces to get the rubbish I’d missed. It was hard work as the ground gradually turned to fudge cake around us. Wesley just cracked jokes, smoked fags and started throwing mud at me. I threw it back. The brothers scowled at us. Then, we would put things down to catch each other out.

I watched his slim pale fingers at the end of the row as he rolled a small lump of mud into a ball. The way they moved was so elegant and graceful. I knew he was making something to put down when I wasn’t looking on the next run for me to find, but as we rocked into the next row I missed the drop, it went past me. As we started the new row I soon saw it. A huge fat cock with balls made out of mud, and tiny potatoes for testicles. I picked it up and waved it at him, putting it on the ledge at the side. Laughing as we settled into clearing the belt – and – that’s when I felt it.

I couldn’t stop thinking of him shaping that cock with his beautiful hands.

Caressing the shaft to make it smooth.

Pressing his thumb into the rim of the head to make it bigger.

Rounding the tip with those porcelain dainty nimble fingers.

Whether it was the thought of that image or the vibrating of the machinery against my groin. Anyway, I became aroused over the idea of a boy for the first time in my life and panicked. I held my crotch out of sight against the machine which made it worse. I couldn’t look at him any more because I felt like I was not in control and it was him and he was a boy and…

…and because of that, the last three weeks of the job were quite hellish. Wesley assumed I didn’t like him and fell out with me.

Looking back I often wonder what it would’ve been like to kiss him. To feel those fingers gently caressing and shaping my own cock. Feeling it change shape in his hands.

It took me another twenty years to accept those feelings from back then as real. It took me another ten to write them down.


You can find Gypsy on Twitter


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14 thoughts on “Losing Control ~ Guest Post

  1. What a wonderful writing voice you have, Gypsy. So evocative and intimate. I could feel myself there with you. It’s sad that it took you so long to feel okay with who you are, but I’m so glad you are finding your way now, and are willing to share that journey with us.

  2. The cruelty of youth! We’re too young to know what we want, nor how to get it if we do know. I could have lost my virginity a lot sooner if I’d only taken the required leap of faith sooner than I did.
    You have a great writing style so keep it up, I’m sure you have more stories to tell.

  3. It’s lovely to see that you can now live the life you want and be who you are. Thank you for sharing this special story with us!

    Rebel xox

  4. This is wonderfully constructed, eminently readable in different ways with May as a perfect host for it.

    Gypsy Tangerina has only very recently become visible on the periphery of my TL, I wish I’d paid attention earlier.

  5. I loved this story, I’m glad you’re able to live your life the way you want now. Take care, and keep sharing ✊??????

    1. Thank you Shelly. I think I will. May very kindly offered to share something for me. I started a blog a few years ago and killed it after the second post because at the time I didn’t think I was ready to start writing things.

      (Also it was a time when I wasnt so settled in my identity and the damn Gravatar appeared on my work training folder. ?)

      The story kind of fell out of me last week in a flurry of typing. It’s a very real memory of the first arousal but it is z memory I only acknowledged as what it was ten years ago when I had been in counselling for 5 years. There are others that when i piece them together across the trail of my life that show me I didn’t just wake up a decade ago and decide I was this way but instead repressed every strange dream, feeling and experience that suggested I was straight.

      To write it down has given me a little more strength to start exploring that huge period of repression and making sense of it.

  6. I really enjoyed this. The way you wrote about it was evocative and you really captured the beauty of the summer and of your friendship. It was so realistic the portrayal of the way the confusion and uncertainty hit you and I feel honoured that you have finally been able to share your story with us. Thank you ?

    1. Thank you Missy. Reading all the positive comments has strengthened my resolve to write more. I think I’m going to start my own blog. ?

  7. This was fabulous! The weaving of the details and the sketching of the characters had me settling down for a story like when I was a kid at school. It was not a story for kids of course, but your youth, your inexperience was pivotal to how it built up and, sadly, collapsed without the end it could’ve had.

    How refreshingly honest you’ve been. It’s clear you are an up-beat person, despite struggles of identity and sexuality over the decades. I’m delighted you felt able to share and your ‘guesting’ partnership with May feels a good fit. I hope you can be persuaded to share some more puzzle pieces from your life with us on another occasion.

  8. I love your writing Gypsy. It made so many thoughts spin through my head as you brilliantly described that muddy summer all those years ago on the potato machine. You descriptive powers brought it all to life so convincingly. It can’t have been easy to write about the turmoil of your emotions then and the years it took to make sense of it all but I for one am grateful that you did. I really hope you write some more. CPx

  9. Thank you for hosting this story, May.

    Gypsy… it’s easy to see you like orange and I like the name you chose, Tangerina. Your story is enthralling and you have a talent for storytelling. I loved the descriptions of your co-workers and the tasks done. The format you used is interesting and I felt so many things as I read. I’m glad you are finally finding your voice and hope you bring May more stories.

    1. p.s. I do have to say that when I saw the photo of the potato machine on a sex blog I thought ‘What the fuck?!?!?!’ Perfect.

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