Her long shiny, wavy hair was silver-grey and her eyes were the colour of whiskey.
When I was young, my mates and I all wanted thatcougar experience– to be seduced by an older woman. Being particularly shy, I was surprised when it happened to me. That may also be why, I have never been able to forgether.
We got chatting in a bar when I was relaxing after a conference at work, and I eagerly went back to her place when invited…
She must have been over fifty — double my age. Her long shiny, wavy hair was silver-grey and her iris the colour of whiskey. She spoke softly, looking directly at me. My cock involuntarily stiffened. In reply, her nipples protruded through her white silk blouse, and the skin around her neckline became rosy.
Everything seemed magnified within the intensity of the moment.
Joining her on the sofa, I wondered if she’d noticed the bulge in my jeans? Our eyes locked — and her generous mouth moved to meet mine.
She opened her legs to welcome my hand as I slid it under her skirt. Bare thighs above stockings, smooth and radiating heat. Pulling her knickers aside, I explored her cunt.
Wet and silky.
At the same time, she freed my cock.
Sitting back, I allowed her skilled and gentle fingers to tease and pull the skin. Before she lowered her mouth and manipulated my shaft with her lips and tongue.
Then, she stopped.
“I want you inside me.”
She wanted me…
Any uncertainty vanished. I’d never desired someone so badly, buttressed by knowing she felt the same.
My shyness disappeared. It seemed as if she’d cast a spell over me.
I was alive, unabashed and confident, assertive for the first time in my life.
She was already leaning over the sofa cushions. Kneeling behind, I lifted her skirt to be greeted by ass cheeks covered in lacy frills. My eyes revelled at the sight. I wanted to prolong this vision but my cock took control. Discarding her panties I nestled my knob at her core and slowly pushed inside. She felt wonderful. Her cunt contracted around my dick, pulling me in further, refusing to let go. Slowly and deliberately, I fucked her. Wanting to savour every, single thrust.
The next morning I left feeling I could conquer the world.
I never saw her again, but now, I am the age she was then, and realise what an incredible gift she gave me that day.
It seemed to me everyone I’d ever known had something they wanted to hide. Until I met Phillip and Julie-Anne in 1983. Mr and Mrs Normal.
I’d not long moved into the village when I joined the social club. As a guy living alone, I thought it would be the best way to meet the neighbours and buy cheap beer. I was sitting at the bar when Philip introduced himself and asked if I wanted to join him and his wife at their table.
It turned out, along with their twenty-something twins, they were the family around which everyone in our small rural community seemed to orbit.
Married for nearly thirty years, their lives were an open book. Julie-Anne was at the front line for all local-based events. Organising the choir, village newsletter, not to mention the kiddies’ drama club. She kept herself trim by jogging, and nobody had a bad word to say about her. Phillip, with his even teeth and amenable manner, had done well for himself. Running his own very successful courier company business, from home. Not only that, he also gave up time to train the local under sixteen’s football team.
My large garden backed onto theirs. Having retired early it had been my life’s ambition to write a novel, and this seemed the perfect spot to fulfil the dream. However, I kept getting distracted as very quickly Phil and I became firm friends. He was adept at popping through my back-fence and luring me over to the local golf course for a tee or two. Sometimes the vicar would join us, and either way it was a very pleasant way to spend an afternoon. Phil was not short of wit.
You could say I was enjoying my retirement immensely. Never more so than when Mr Normal was away on business for a few days and his Mrs would pop round with a portion of leftover apple pie, for a chat over a cup of tea. I’d not chosen to tie the knot myself. Such a life wouldn’t have suited me at all, and I’d had no desire to hear the patter of tiny feet. But — if I had met a woman like Julie-Anne, perhaps my resolve may have broken.
Although marriage wasn’t for me, that didn’t mean I wasn’t up for a bit of romance. And all it entailed. So now and then I’d check out the singles columns in a magazine and if someone caught my attention, I’d contact them and leave my rural retreat for a taste of the city delights. This proved somewhat hit and miss, but reminded me — I wasn’t dead yet.
On one such occasion, I’d arranged a date in an upmarket city wine-bar. The lonely hearts column operated anonymously, via correspondence with a box office number — so we’d both agreed to be wearing a daisy in a buttonhole. Immediate recognition rather than embarrassingly introducing ourselves to any likely person sitting alone.
Daisy in place, and a comfortable five mins late, I entered Berries Bar and in anticipation scanned the clientele. Hoping… maybe this time, I’d find my match.
I caught the flash of yellow and white flower moments before they had turned, looked over, and spotted mine.
That’s when I realised it wasn’t just me who had a secret. Walking over to the iron cast bistro table, with heart in mouth, I sat down and said,
“Hello Phil, fancy meeting you here.”
It’s Normal to have a Secret is linked to the Wicked Wednesday meme
I’ve had a chequered history regarding “giving a speech” for various reasons and have concluded that being able to speak in public confidently, is tied up with how well you understand the subject-matter.
This may sound logical. And of course it is, but I also think that how a person regards themselves at that moment in time comes into play.
Let me explain, using my own history of talking in public as an example.
Primary School
When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I was gregarious. I would happily sing or talk in front of numerous amounts of people. However, by the time I was 7 years old I’d become extremely reserved around adults and other children. Often, kids seem to possess a natural confidence, but I believe events that happened to me around this age had a direct impact on how I started to view myself. I choose one special friend and basically pushed all other involvement aside for quite a few years. During this time, if I had to read out loud in class – and I was an excellent reader for my age – I felt so nervous that I’d stumble over the words in front of me. It must have been awkward for the teachers, as after a while I just was not asked to do this task any more.
Secondary School
I began secondary school and was separated from my special friend. Now it became clear that I would have to get my act together for survival purposes. I made a conscious effort to interact with other kids, and soon I was almost popular! And you know what, when I had to stand up and read out loud in class, I managed it. My self-esteem had been buttressed by being “liked” and this had a direct impact on my confidence.
Giving a Speech – Work Life
But reading in public is very different to making a speech about something in front of people. I realised at Uni that I could do this if I had a definite handle on the topic and spoke slowly. Many years later, when I was working in retail for a nutrition company, I often lead talks and discussions confidently as I knew my subject area better than most.
But what if I was put on the spot and asked to talk about something without prior knowledge or warning?
Well, that turned out to be a shambles!
I had just graduated and was on a weekend interview for an important fast track civil service job. The weekend was interesting in itself. Those chosen to attend had to stay for 3 nights in a place that must have been some kind of barracks. Then we were all subjected to various written tests. Psychometric and intelligence based. Plus several interviews with a panel of people and group discussions. All OK for me. Even the chatting in-front of a panel of 4 or 5 people about myself and my life – fine.
However, then came the finale! The whole group who were there for the tests – about 25 of us, and the panel, were all in an auditorium together. We were each given a topic and asked to get up on the stage and talk about it for three minutes.
My turn was near the end and as I watched all of them make such a success out of their few minutes of fame I started to worry. Then, I literally got stage fright. I can’t remember what my topic was but let’s say it wasn’t particularly difficult. But I felt unprepared and vulnerable. It is a long time ago, but I don’t think I made it through the three mins. My brain became a haze of nothing!
The experience of what it felt like losing my mind for a few minutes stayed with me for some time. Those of you who know me would probably say I am quite self-possessed and socially aware. I do not suffer from anxiety in group situations at all. So what happened that afternoon, although I laugh about it now, must have been a phobia coming to life.
A week later, we got the results of the weekend through the post. I had done so well on all the other tests, I was still offered the job, but not on the fast track. It’s a funny old world…
Looking back I am not sure how Jim and I fitted in our various travels but we did. Time seems to chase young people rather than when older we seem to chase time.
Many of you know that I curate, and edit alongside Posy Churchgate – with invaluable ad-hoc help from Mrs k and Liz Black – Tantalizing Tales (a Medium fiction publication.) But I don’t expect those of you who can’t head into Medium wonderland often, are aware what an amazing success it has been.
There’s no denying it – adult toys are getting more and more popular. Research shows that the taboos surrounding them are disappearing as more people express an interest in ‘sextech’. Sexual enjoyment is improved when we enhance our physical pleasure. But what role do sex toys really play in a couple’s relationship? Here is some research to shed light on the matter.
The Research Speaks
A wide-ranging, statistically representative study examined the frequency of vibrator use among heterosexual men. The results seemed perplexing at first: men who had never used them reported higher satisfaction levels than those who had. Researchers reached the conclusion that men who had used vibrators because they felt they would improve their partner’s experience or at their partner’s suggestion believed using a sex toy reflected poorly on their sexual abilities. Seeing as nobody wants to feel they’re bad in bed, the fact that their sexual satisfaction remained low is understandable, even self-explanatory.
Common Misconceptions About Sex Toys
At the core of the above problem is the prevailing misconception that only men who can’t satisfy their partners resort to male sex toys. In fact, these men are more likely to want to increase their partner’s satisfaction. Another misguided belief is that only women who can’t experience pleasure with a partner use toys. While this may be true in some cases, it’s far from true for all women who use them.
Some men feel threatened by their partner’s use of a sex toy, like it could replace them, or that their partner will become dependent on the toy for orgasm or arousal. Men who use toys with a partner do not risk feeling unsatisfied or inferior by any means. Research also shows that men who regularly use dildos or other toys on their partners experience more powerful orgasms, better erectile function, and greater sexual desire compared to men who have never used them.
The Role of Sexual Orientation
A study by Vanessa Shick, Ph.D. showed that women who didn’t identify as heterosexual used sex toys more often. There is a pronounced difference, in fact: 86% of bisexual and lesbian women reported having used a toy compared to just over half of straight women. What’s more, non-straight women experienced much more sexual satisfaction after use. Women who identified as queer or lesbian and used vibrators experienced less pain than those who didn’t use any.
Buying a Toy is Healthy for a Relationship
Even the act of purchasing a sex toy can be linked to more and better communication. If you’re shopping for a toy with your partner, being open about your needs is essential. A lot of couples decide to include toys for the effect of novelty – to keep things exciting or make them more so. Others will forgo them in favour of trying new positions or locations to have sex. A study showed about three-quarters of couples try different positions to make sex more fun.
Introducing Toys to Your Partner
Communication is the be-all and end-all when it comes to introducing toys in the bedroom, regardless of whether you’ve never used any or are trying a new kind of toy. Here are some tips on how to introduce toys to your partner.
Build up Excitement
To create anticipation of something positive in your partner, tell them why you feel they’ll enjoy using a new toy. You could share visuals to make it easier for them to see themselves using it. Talk about how much you want to share this new and novel experience. Make sure they understand what you want to do. Think about their pleasure apart from your own, no matter whether you’ll be using the toy at the same time, they’ll be using it on you, or only you on them.
If they agree and you get the toy, ensure they’re enjoying themselves by communicating. Just ask if they’re enjoying it, how they feel, etc. A few simple questions will get you far.
Avoid Unpleasant Surprises
Your partner won’t necessarily react positively to a sex toy as a surprise ‘present’, especially a very large dildo or something overly complex. If neither of you have experience with these things, get something for beginners. Some toys will take you time to learn how to operate, and sexual satisfaction will diminish.
Safety is Crucial
Don’t cut corners here – cheap toys are not only low quality, but also dangerous. PVC and jelly are porous (bacteria-infested, impossible to clean) or contain harmful chemicals. If you’re going to be sharing the toy, use protection. Dildos with real feel skin are perfectly safe for your body. These dildos have the advantage of being ultra-realistic with squeezable balls, multiple vibrator modes, and squirting function (liquid, lubricant, or semen simulant). They are a great way to ease premature ejaculation.
If you share toys without disinfecting or using condoms on them, you run the risk of contracting an STD provided your partner has one. Yes, the transition isn’t always smooth when you put on condoms and then take them off or disinfect the toy every time, but it’s better safe than sorry.
Be Open to Exploring
Couples who are disinclined to explore new modes of intimacy tend to struggle with maintaining libido and passion. What’s more, relationship satisfaction suffers in the long term. A 2016 study found that people who reported sexual and relationship satisfaction also used sex toys together more frequently. They also did other things together – trying new positions, taking a shower together, scheduling a date, or scheduling sex.
Final Thoughts on the Role of Sex Toys in a Relationship
It’s perfectly reasonable to shop for toys together as long as you would like to explore. That has never been easier as every single toy you can imagine is available for purchase online. That’s very comforting for people who are shy about taking this step. With time, you and your partner will learn what each of you like and enjoy. You’ll also find out what you need when it comes to pleasuring yourself. This can be vastly different from what you like when you’re together.
This guest post was written and sponsored by Hot Cherry.
