I don’t do many reviews as I just am not great at the formal type that seems to be the standard format.
So occasionally I add a toy to a sexy evening with my man and write about how we got on. When I received the Pocket Pulse from Hot Octopuss that is precisely what I intending to do but my man has not really been feeling great lately.
I thought perhaps it would be best to pass it on for a guest review. I am a big fan of Floss. She has got to be one of the hottest and nicest bloggers out there. I knew from her writing style she would be the perfect person for a guest post And here it is…
Floss Does Life ~ Guest Review ~ Pocket Pulse
When May asked if we might be able to do a product review for her I was delighted, not least of all because the product in question was right up our street. We have explored with my toys and many bits of kink equipment, but we are still relative newbies when it comes to cock toys. Then there was May asking us we would review a guybrator for her, hell to the yeah, we were very excited.
Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse Remote was the toy in question. Suitable for solo play or play with a partner, I was all over taking control of this and giving Bakji’s willy-nob some seriously good vibrations and most definitely causing some excitations.
We’ve used a male masturbator and we’ve used a vibrator, this product is what happens when those two things combine forces. You can stroke and feel the vibrations all at once. The controls are self-explanatory which is a good job because I forgot to pay attention to those before I decided to use it on Bakji.
It looks sleek and sexy, and at face value I honestly thought this was going to be a great addition to our collection. I was wrong. Don’t give up on the product though, please keep reading and join me in a tale that Bakji and I are all too familiar with.
You can see my favourite dildo modelling the Pocket Pulse in the image above.
Does Size Matter?
No matter how the world moves forward, the question of ‘does size matter’ when it comes to the humble, yet delightful penis, is still one that many people feel they need an answer to. In our experience yes, yes it does matter. It matters a lot and not in the way you might think.
Once again, as with our attempts with certain other toys, we were prohibited from enjoying this toy completely by Bakji’s unrelenting and enormous girth. Honestly, I am exaggerating for effect, it’s true that he is girthy, I don’t think it should rule so many toys out for us, but it does. It sounds like we are bragging, ‘oooh look at us with our big willy, aren’t we amazing’, it’s getting ridiculous though and we are starting to get a little sad.
I had it all planned, Bakji was good and tied up. Leather belts bound his arms to his body and his legs together as he lay upon the bed, then rope was attached to carabiners on the under bed restraints and tied to the leather belts. He could move his head up and down, but that was about it. This is a fabulous position in which to tease and deny and the Pocket Pulse was going to help me do just that.
I must confess there was some sexy action prior to me getting the Pocket Pulse on the go. Facesitting, footjobs, tantalizing teasing with hands, words and probably more besides that I’ve forgotten about. So in fairness to the Pocket Pulse it was taking on a very erect penis, but that is the intended purpose, so I don’t think I was asking for too much. Alas I think I was.
Lube was already in action, things were slipping and sliding nicely, so it seemed like the perfect time to grab the Pocket Pulse and tease Bakji with some serious guybrations. Or not.
Pocket Pulse in hand I go to ease it on and it just really doesn’t want to go on. The image above is from the Hot Octopuss website and shows you just what should have been happening. This. Was. Not. Happening. So I got more lube, I got so much lube in fact that the toy nearly flew right out of my hand, but on the plus side this meant I could at least get the Pocket Pulse around his nob. Just.
I looked down and realised it really wasn’t enveloping him in the way it should! In fact, I was using both hands to hold it in place, there is no way on earth he would be able to use it hands free, the flexible arm that should hold it in place is no match for his steel like girthy hard-on! Using it solo would probably take so much concentration for him to keep in place, that I can’t see it would be a satisfying wank at all.
Not willing to give in I blamed myself for this mishap, I assumed there was now too much lube.
‘Yes that’s it, I’ll just use my hand for a bit and use up some of that sexy lubricant then the toy will sit happily upon his penis until such time as I remove it or he explodes in a jizz-tastic mess.’
There was no jizz-tastic mess though. Well there was, but only after I’d retired the Pocket Pulse. I promise I tried to make it work, I really did. I persevered, I tried to find more suitable positions, I tried to utilise the vibrations in perhaps unintended ways. But eventually I just looked down and realised this toy was not going to be our new best friend. We are not compatible with this toy. It’s sad, but it’s true.
Does This Mean It Won’t Work For You?
Despite the fact it wasn’t the roaring success I had hoped it would be, I do still think this toy has promise, especially for penis endowed folk who haven’t done much in the way of exploring vibrations to enhance sexual pleasure.
The Pocket Pulse looks good, has easy to use functions and with the remote option is ideal for couples, or for people like myself, who love a good dose of teasing! In theory it should also be good for people with mobility issues because once in place you can go hands-free and use the remote to control your pleasure. Retailing at £69.00 though those are just a few of the good points I’d expect to find in a toy of that price.
One of the issues Bakji potentially identified is that we may have ruined him by using the Doxy on him, which is pretty powerful in terms of vibrations and he felt a lower power just wasn’t doing the job. However, I think if he could have experienced it in the way the manufacturer intended then he may have felt a little differently. Your guess is as good as ours on that though, as we will never know.
One potential downside I identified with this toy, and it isn’t reflective of our size issue, is that it is quite loud. If you are looking for quiet and discreet this toy may not be for you. The noise is of the jarring and buzzy kind, so I found it quite distracting. I compared it alongside the Doxy, which as a mains powered vibrator is fairly loud, and there wasn’t much in it and the Pocket Pulse was definitely the one I was eager to stop hearing.
Overall I probably would recommend this to someone if they had the perfect girth to compliment this toy (more on that below) and were new to vibrating toys, or know they enjoy a less intense level of vibrations and if they could get it on special offer. I am hesitant to recommend buying at the full price due to the myriad of reasons it may not work for someone.
Pictures To Inform Your Decision
In the header image the pink dildo showcasing the Pocket Pulse was a perfect fit. The circumference of that dildo is 5 inches.
In the image on the left the dildo in question has a circumference of 4.75 Inches and that 0.25 of an inch makes a huge difference. The Pocket Pulse is loose and hangs at an angle, hands-free it would just vibrate out of position and likely wouldn’t provide the desired stimulation. Held in position it might do the job, but again would use the kind of concentration that made the experience a little less fun for me.
Below is an example of the problem we faced. Unfortunately I did not have a dildo to hand of the correct size, I will be correcting that gap in my collection soon though. The deodorant can that kindly volunteered its services is 6 inches in circumference and is a good example of the size I am used to working with.
You can see that the Pocket Pulse does not hug the ‘penis’ but leave gaps and the arm is barely lopping over the girth of the item. This is exactly what it looked like on Bakji. Once you add vibrations into the mix it just causes even the distance between willy and Pocket Pulse to increase and nothing good is happening at all.