Possessions which were not mine in the first place.

Possessions which were not mine in the first place.

When I realised the wicked Wednesday prompt was belongings I knew I would write something from my heart, from my life instead of wrapping this complex theme up in a humorous made up tale – oh I did that too!

Seriously, belongings ‘is’ – ‘are’ a serious matter. Over the last two and a half months I have thought deeply about this topic. Why? Well, not so long ago I had to say goodbye to probably more that half the things I owned. Many were precious items that if a sudden disaster hadn’t struck my life I would have probably beaten up a bugler burglar to keep them in my possession. But as many of you know our home was struck with a toxic mold and we had to move fast. Health became more important than things. However, knowing this does not stop me from missing the bits and pieces I will never see again.

I could list them here as they are on my mind – often at night – but that would be cruel – to me. And I am striving to move past the loss, as all they were are things.

So why does it hurt so much?

Much of the stuff that had to go was also because we didn’t have anywhere to store bulk items. We didn’t know where we would be living – my man had to act fast to pack what he could. There was a deadline to meet. And all the while he had removed me from the health risk while still putting himself in the firing line. Things had to go because we had too much stuff, and also some of it was damaged by the toxins in the air.

Back to the hurt. My hurt stems from the fact many of the items I lost were originally my mums or uncles. People who are dead and meant a good deal to me – but I must remind myself it is no use holding on to dead peoples possessions simply because I can no longer have the pleasure of their company. Instead I should learn to cherish their memories. Relish the fact they appear in my dreams and while alive provided me with a sense of self – and self worth. My mum would say – have your health and throw all your possessions away. She was such a dear.

The funny thing is I enjoy not having much around me – I like space and clutter can aggravate me. Perhaps I should make more of the photos I’ve saved. Create a collage then I can look at those I still hold dear, and let go of the fact I lost what was never mine in the first place – their possessions.

Seems like plan.


Please take 7 mins – apparently that is how long it may take you to read – this true story about when I may have met my dad… It covers an eureka type moment I experienced recently, when a piece of my life puzzle fitted into place 😉


possessions
Belongings

11 thoughts on “Possessions which were not mine in the first place.

  1. Oh May – I can so relate to this. Even the fact that it was your man who had to do the clearing/disposal part of the process, you weren’t able to have that 1 last look.
    But everything you’ve said about the memories being the most important element is true, and the comments you’ve have back are so wise and bring in new perspectives.

    I shall try to apply them to my life – because currently my home is bursting at the seams with “things that were never mine” but meant something to precious loved ones I have now lost. My youngest remarked that it would have been nice to know which bits were actually important to my parents and which were just “stuff”, that info would help me sift through what I should keep to jog my own precious memories.

  2. May, I have had to downsize and relinquish my things several times on the last decade. It is never easy. And living with two kids under the age of 10, if the item is precious I have to protect it or recognize it is just a thing and not as important as the loved ones around me.
    Oh and we just added a puppy who is in teething mode. They are just things. But they aren’t. They are memories and as long as I still have those that is enough. If I go the way of my folks it won’t matter anyway. I won’t remember why they were important. (Dementia/Alzheimer’s sucks)

  3. I think “things” are physical reminders of cherished memories; it is less the loss of the thing and more the re-grieving of the loss of something else (a loved one, a special event, a meaningful time in our lives) that causes the hurt you describe.

    And there is a big difference between actively/consciously choosing to let go of a possession when you are ready to do so, and being forced into it by circumstances beyond your control.

    1. Yes – I expect when you choose to give something up there is a journey u will go on from when u make that decision to when the possession leaves – so to speak. I expect I hadn’t started that journey when decisions had to be made quickly. Thanks for reading Feve x

  4. You are right that the memory of the people close to us who have passed away is important. But, unfortunately, the trick is that these things that “do not belong to us” are often a trigger that launches our memory in the right direction, forcing us to remember dear and close, but now such distant people.
    That is why these things are so dear, and their loss is so bitter.

  5. You are so right, their possessions were never ours in the first place, but you are also right that it holds value to us, because it was theirs. I didn’t keep any of my mom’s furniture, except for three small side tables, which Master T doesn’t like at all. I do wear one of her rings, and a necklace she always wore, and I still have a lot of her things in boxes, which I am not ready yet to sort through. Thinking of losing some of her things and never seeing it again, makes my heart ache, so I get how it hurts you. But, in the end, they are all just things…
    And the photo idea? Brilliant!
    ~ Marie xox

  6. I used to be very attached to things and gradually let go of “stuff”. The only things I really cherish are photographs and those are digital anyway. The clean and clutter-free enviroment really helps my mental health. For me..things kept me anchored to the past when I should have embraced the now.

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