Before I began my blog I thought I was submissive. I like my man to tie me up, whip, fuck and use me sexually for his pleasure.
Then as a blogger, I began to read so much about lifestyle submissives. Incorporating being a sub and a Dom into your everyday life. I realised, in that context, I am not really a submissive at all.
But it got me thinking about why I enjoy being a sexual sub. I came to the conclusion that in everyday matters I often take control and make the decisions. So when it comes to sex I just want someone else to do that for me…
You decide what you want from me. Take your pleasure and I will get mine from your domination. And please hurt me along the way a bit too – because I really need to feel the release from filtering out the pain – it helps me forget that I am an adult who takes responsibility for everything I do.
Then I started to wonder if I would like some of the control taken away from me on a daily basis. Or tasks that I need to learn or do for our partnership. With the premise that if I got stuff wrong or stepped out of line I would be punished. Such a regime may actually do me good, setting boundaries. In fact I do sometimes say to my man,
Give me a good spanking tonight, it will bring me back to reality.
I believe it too. Sometimes I get too big for my boots in our relationship.
So what conditions do I need met to consider a D’s lifestyle ? To take the s out of the bedroom into every day life. Well, it’s complicated.
I’m bright and to keep me in line I need someone with a higher IQ. Initially I was attracted to my man because he is extremely intelligent. I ‘m also attracted by risk takers. However, such people are often not very good with money. Naturally, my man is a risk taker. He thinks life is for living and learning and as a consequence almost appears to have a personality glitch where money is concerned. He does not overly care about financial security, he also does little to secure it.
The thing is even though I don’t find men that are fussed and concerned about money particularly attractive there was a time in our relationship when because of certain talents he was earning quite a bit and I wasn’t. For that duration, I found it easy to behave a little like a lifestyle submissive. Often I dressed sexily and was ready with a cocktail when he came home. And to be honest I would quite happily have taken his shoes and socks off to wash his feet. I admire him greatly anyhow, but when he was providing for us, taking that concern away from me, I bowed to him. Respected his ability to put bread on the table, so to speak. I see that everything in life is transactional in some way. It’s a power exchange.
For a while, I have been the one with money in the bank and actively finding ways of earning more. My man has some intellectual and artistic projects he has worked very hard on. However, they don’t bring in money. But the horizon is looking brighter. The job we do together is expanding. This is a positive thing as we have recently landed a few higher paying clients because of his skills, not mine. I recognise that and am feeling more positive about our financial future. And this does have a knock-on effect for me. It is at these times I am more likely to exhibit more of a submissive nature on a daily basis.
Probably how I feel has evolutionary roots. The provider and protector fulfills the need in me to be looked after. And yes, please let me be seen as an independent woman too.
Future Power Exchange & Triggers
I very much want to be protected and directed. It’s in my nature. But for me to allow it, as discussed already, there would have to be a certain set of circumstance. I read about many bloggers who have turned to this way of life after years of being with the same person and it has almost given their relationship a new lease of life.
My man and me have only been together for 5 years – so still fresh. We appear well suited until the subject of money is raised. Working together 24/7 means we need some light relief. This is why we arrange date nights. I am also not averse to some submissive role-play. That is as long as it does not entail being a little. I can’t even read stories about the man being called “daddy.” I expect I am triggered by such posts because of my past, so the connotations make me squirm. But that is my problem. I am not judging others – some of my favourite bloggers enjoy this dynamic and that’s fine by me. Two consenting adults can play out whatever they wish.
Well first I do not really like labels as I think they are restrictive. So, I use the term submissive just as a definition rather then a tag. But I do think that a submissive lifestyle would suit my man and me to a certain extent. It works for me that he is intelligent and adventurous. And on his part he thrives when I am attentive and adores being a man. He takes good care of my sexual and food needs and surpasses me on most levels, intellectual. So I would just have to work out the money/power dynamic, in my head or in real life, for this to actually work.