What is the? Role of Sex Toys in a Relationship

What is the? Role of Sex Toys in a Relationship

There’s no denying it – adult toys are getting more and more popular. Research shows that the taboos surrounding them are disappearing as more people express an interest in ‘sextech’. Sexual enjoyment is improved when we enhance our physical pleasure. But what role do sex toys really play in a couple’s relationship? Here is some research to shed light on the matter.

The Research Speaks

A wide-ranging, statistically representative study examined the frequency of vibrator use among heterosexual men. The results seemed perplexing at first: men who had never used them reported higher satisfaction levels than those who had. Researchers reached the conclusion that men who had used vibrators because they felt they would improve their partner’s experience or at their partner’s suggestion believed using a sex toy reflected poorly on their sexual abilities. Seeing as nobody wants to feel they’re bad in bed, the fact that their sexual satisfaction remained low is understandable, even self-explanatory.

Common Misconceptions About Sex Toys

At the core of the above problem is the prevailing misconception that only men who can’t satisfy their partners resort to male sex toys. In fact, these men are more likely to want to increase their partner’s satisfaction. Another misguided belief is that only women who can’t experience pleasure with a partner use toys. While this may be true in some cases, it’s far from true for all women who use them.

Some men feel threatened by their partner’s use of a sex toy, like it could replace them, or that their partner will become dependent on the toy for orgasm or arousal. Men who use toys with a partner do not risk feeling unsatisfied or inferior by any means. Research also shows that men who regularly use dildos or other toys on their partners experience more powerful orgasms, better erectile function, and greater sexual desire compared to men who have never used them.

The Role of Sexual Orientation

A study by Vanessa Shick, Ph.D. showed that women who didn’t identify as heterosexual used sex toys more often. There is a pronounced difference, in fact: 86% of bisexual and lesbian women reported having used a toy compared to just over half of straight women. What’s more, non-straight women experienced much more sexual satisfaction after use. Women who identified as queer or lesbian and used vibrators experienced less pain than those who didn’t use any.

Buying a Toy is Healthy for a Relationship

Even the act of purchasing a sex toy can be linked to more and better communication. If you’re shopping for a toy with your partner, being open about your needs is essential. A lot of couples decide to include toys for the effect of novelty – to keep things exciting or make them more so. Others will forgo them in favour of trying new positions or locations to have sex. A study showed about three-quarters of couples try different positions to make sex more fun.

Introducing Toys to Your Partner

Communication is the be-all and end-all when it comes to introducing toys in the bedroom, regardless of whether you’ve never used any or are trying a new kind of toy. Here are some tips on how to introduce toys to your partner.

Build up Excitement

To create anticipation of something positive in your partner, tell them why you feel they’ll enjoy using a new toy. You could share visuals to make it easier for them to see themselves using it. Talk about how much you want to share this new and novel experience. Make sure they understand what you want to do. Think about their pleasure apart from your own, no matter whether you’ll be using the toy at the same time, they’ll be using it on you, or only you on them.

If they agree and you get the toy, ensure they’re enjoying themselves by communicating. Just ask if they’re enjoying it, how they feel, etc. A few simple questions will get you far.

Avoid Unpleasant Surprises

Your partner won’t necessarily react positively to a sex toy as a surprise ‘present’, especially a very large dildo or something overly complex. If neither of you have experience with these things, get something for beginners. Some toys will take you time to learn how to operate, and sexual satisfaction will diminish.

Safety is Crucial

Don’t cut corners here – cheap toys are not only low quality, but also dangerous. PVC and jelly are porous (bacteria-infested, impossible to clean) or contain harmful chemicals. If you’re going to be sharing the toy, use protection. Dildos with real feel skin are perfectly safe for your body. These dildos have the advantage of being ultra-realistic with squeezable balls, multiple vibrator modes, and squirting function (liquid, lubricant, or semen simulant). They are a great way to ease premature ejaculation.

If you share toys without disinfecting or using condoms on them, you run the risk of contracting an STD provided your partner has one. Yes, the transition isn’t always smooth when you put on condoms and then take them off or disinfect the toy every time, but it’s better safe than sorry.

Be Open to Exploring

Couples who are disinclined to explore new modes of intimacy tend to struggle with maintaining libido and passion. What’s more, relationship satisfaction suffers in the long term. A 2016 study found that people who reported sexual and relationship satisfaction also used sex toys together more frequently. They also did other things together – trying new positions, taking a shower together, scheduling a date, or scheduling sex.

Final Thoughts on the Role of Sex Toys in a Relationship

It’s perfectly reasonable to shop for toys together as long as you would like to explore. That has never been easier as every single toy you can imagine is available for purchase online. That’s very comforting for people who are shy about taking this step. With time, you and your partner will learn what each of you like and enjoy. You’ll also find out what you need when it comes to pleasuring yourself. This can be vastly different from what you like when you’re together.


This guest post was written and sponsored by Hot Cherry.

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Mmm Mondays: Role of Sex Toys in a Relationship

6 thoughts on “What is the? Role of Sex Toys in a Relationship

  1. Great Post!
    We have used a variety of dildos in the past. Over time we stopped because my wife didn’t think the dildos felt real enough. Recently we came across dildos made for a more real feel, so we’re back to using them. She likes me to use it on her when she goes down on me – she has a threesome, group sex fantasy. That’s prompted the use of vibrators and wands also.

  2. People always have a lot of phobias for various reasons. But if you discard all unnecessary, then the use of toys only improves sexual experience and satisfaction with sex.

  3. What an informative article. I have already got over this hurdle, but I could and would have used this advice back in the day. I’ve also thrown out my jelly insertables – silicone and glass are my preference nowadays – and lube (lots of lube cos slippery makes everything more fun!)

  4. In our case, that of my wife and I, it has gone ‘in crescendo’ over the years.
    I remember that we started using the elements of the kitchen, even before the bdsm terms began to be used. So it was just, sadism and masochism.
    Over time we expanded the toys buying in what were then called sexshop, even here, in Spain, there was no translation then.
    Shortly after the internet arrived, and we agreed to fuel our libido by watching porn videos, which luckily, over time, have improved in quality and variety, including homemade ones.
    But it has been in the adult stage, already with the menopause in the making, when we opened our field, to all the bdsm terminology.
    Games of bondage, domination, submission, masochism and a long etcetera of practices…
    Sapnking is definitely one of our favorite practices, which we exchange in our role, I give to her, she gives to me. And the variety of accessories for spanking is a joy.

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