Round one feedback~ Smut Marathon 2020

round five feedback

I have provided brief comments for all the round one entries. As the tasks get longer, so will my comments…

My Day 16 of the February Photo Fest is at the bottom of this post.

Last year I very much admired how Charlie Powell delivered her feedback – a positive point and a recommendation. I will be attempted that style through the competition but of course personal preference will probably also enter into the equation. If you have any questions regarding the feedback for your entry then DM on Twitter or email me.

When reading feedback for your round one entry please remember that what we personally like to read is very subjective. The judges may not all agree, and similarly there will be a wide range across readers votes. What I am trying to say is do not take things too much to heart in regards to feedback.

Round one – A sentence to include alliteration.

At first I thought it would be tedious reading through so many sentences but the more I read the more I enjoyed them. In general I preferred those that didn’t over do their alliteration. I view alliteration as a tool that should work like a paintbrush not a hammer 😉 Some round one entries read  like a list or tongue twister.

Process

I read through all the entries – out loud – making notes and then made a first cut of 33 sentences. The following day I repeated the process and ended up with a second cut of 14.

The 9 round one entries I gave points to, plus the 5 who made my second cut will appear at the start of this post.

The remainder appear after,  in number order.

I awarded points to these round one sentences …

34) FANTASIES by Stella Kink

He stood in the open doorway, wordless, eyes wide with wonder, watching his wife fuck the man at the centre of his own forbidden fantasies.

I like this a lot, so much happening in one sentence. I really want this turned into a story so I can read about what happened before and after. Not taken over by the alliteration. Great work.

10 Points

11) REUNION by Peter Apps

She was wearing leather, lingerie and a look that said we would fuck frantically till morning.

I am a fan of direct writing and this fits the bill. I like the girls description and the fact the title tells us something important.

Would have preferred a little more. Me being greedy 😉

9 Points

28) IT WAKES by Zebra Rose

No longer an indolent weight upon my tongue; you hardened and rose, infused with want, to my welcoming incitements.

Great visuals and a really well constructed sentence even more so as the alliteration is not in your face.

Not keen on the title.

8 Points

53) PRELUDE by Vee Lima

Her breath hitched as she straddled his lap so that even through their clothing, his bulbous bellend nestled warmly and vivid against her pussy lips.

I actually like the use of  ‘bulbous bellend.’  It got my attention. And this sentence sets the scene vividly, painting a picture in front on your eyes.

No need for “that.”

7 Points

87) NEW RELIGION by Aisling Weaver

She hung honeysuckle round her hips and swayed, a nectar swathed earth goddess dripping, tongue licking, a blessing of suck and fuck.

This sentence grabbed me the moment I read it. I like that you have created a character and it feels almost as it the when has been set too.

I want to know her name

6 Points

13) SUSPENDED ANIMATION by Marsha Adams

That moment when his hand slides secretly from silk to skin, to brush against sodden cotton, and no one knows why I’m smiling.

Great story telling in few words and the title adds to the tale too. What can I say looking forward to longer pieces from you.

5 Points

39) NAUGHTY NEEDS by Kurvy Kinkster

Nancy navigated Nick’s naughty needs while wearing her naval nurse costume and kneeling in her nylons with her nipples nicely naked.

I steered away from the sentences which were practically alteration from start to finish. When read out loud many were tongue twisters or a list of words. But there was something different about this one. It tickled me and is nicely done – purposely tongue in cheek and reads well.

Not keen on nicely naked. For me the sentence could end on nylons.

4 Points

52) MYSTERIOUS MEETING by Lauren Crabtree

Neal knew not where this carnal kitsune had come from, but when they locked eyes, his cock pulsed with passion and her tail twitched.

Found this round one sentence different. Which is always good when competing with so many others. I like the theme created by his carnal  kitsune and her tail twitching – well done.

“knew not”  is a little old fashioned.

3 Points

30) FISTED by Friedrich Kreuz

I was contracting and convulsing around his arm, lube leaking from my hole, my voice hoarse from cries of unrelenting pleasure, yet he kept pushing.

Oh yes you painted a vivid picture here. It may have got a few more points from me but for the subject matter.

Ouch! Would have like more specifics. Perhaps ‘forearm’ rather than arm? Just tying to get my head around the logistics of a topic I a not familiar with.

2 Points

These were also on my list after the second cut…

102) SULTRY CONFINEMENT

This round one sentence offers us something a little strange and is well constructed. I found it very witty too – the title and the last two words. However, I couldn’t include it as it is not erotic really.  Perhaps if she’d been crouching without panties? I don’t know but it was on my final sheet but needed to be fair to other excellent and erotic entries.

10) SILK SCARF

  • Simple and effective.
  • Reads like two sentences.

41) ELECTRIC

  • Great theme running through this.
  • How doe she know his fingers are tingling?

68) GIRL EXPOSED

  • Like ‘sighed from her shoulders’ very much.
  • More please.

108) KIMONO

  • Very subtle and sexy
  • Who’s skin? I’d like to know

And the Remainder

1) LICKETY CLIT

  • Some excellent alliteration and like the “knot of need.”
  • Didn’t find it sensual.

2) SILK SHEETS

  • Like the vision it gives me.
  • IMO Should be “smoothly over.”

3) UTTER

  • Creative sentence
  • Not keen on the use of the word steeped here

4) LONGING

  • Paints a great picture in my mind.
  • I understand the repeat of ‘you’ is on purpose, may be better ‘licking my lips and longing lustily at the mere thought of you.’

5) GENTLY GREASED

  • Some fabulous alliteration.
  • Didn’t work for me as an erotic sentence

6) SLOW SEX

  • Like the thought of slow sex.
  • The sentence didn’t feel complete to me

7) ANTICIPATION

  • Like this sentence, visual and works.
  • Whose wrists?

8) RHETORICAL RELEASE

  • I enjoyed the legal theme running through the sentence.
  • A little clunky.

9) BRUTAL BLESSINGS

  • Love what the sentence shows me.
  • Maybe structure could be improved.

12) BAD BOY

  • Wow, fantastic alliteration
  • However, less can be more

14) FIRST DATE

  • Sexy sentence
  • The sentence feels incomplete.

15) SUMMER SEDUCTION

  • Great visual here, like use of shatters.
  • Sentence feels a little clunky

16) SWEET SURRENDER

  • Very creative
  • More like rhyming prose

17) THREE LOVERS

  • Like the tongue bit very much, great image.
  • Not keen on the rhyme

18) TIED TAUT

  • Nice use of alliteration
  • Not sure why Master is straddled. Is he standing above her?

19) LUSCIOUS LANDING

  • Made me smile, and that is a good thing 😉
  • Too much alliteration

20) SENSUAL SEDUCTION

  • Nice use of subtile
  • How did it secretly signify?

21) TEENAGE KICKS

  • Really liked this particularly  “carved through stair-rod rain”
  • Not sure if rain or bus hammering on roof 😉

22) BESTIES

  • Great visual
  • Abound and bound make the sentence clunky

23) WAITING, WANTING

  • Relatable. Ah we’ve all been there 😉
  • Wondering what was in the wardrobe.

24) SEEKING SEX

  • Simple and effective.
  • Shivering at their aroma?

25) CARNAL CONSUMMATION

  • Like her described as his catch.
  • Difficult to read aloud.

26) SUSPICIOUS

  • Title works well and made me smile
  • Not keen on a slit slithering.

27) SLIPPERY SLIDERS.

  • Sets a good scene
  • Feels a little disjointed

29) QUENTIN’S COMPETENCE

  • All power to Quentin!
  • Sentence reads like a list.

31) ONE LOOK

  • Good sentence
  • Steer clear of cliche

32) TASTING MENU

  • Good work. I heard and saw that
  • Too much alliteration

33) TEETERING TENSION

  • Like ‘Trembling with trepidation.’
  • Too much alliteration , tongue twister.

35) HER HANDS

  • Like “Her hands held him hostage” – great phrase
  • Too clunky with alliteration

36) DISCREET DANCING

  • Like’ hunted hunger’ and the feel of the sentence
  • A little short

37) NIGHTLY WORSHIP

  • Goodness I wish I was worshiped like that at night.
  • Who is wearing those leggings?

38) 20 LASHES

  • Like “peppered.”
  • Don’t you mean sounded like “crackling of electricity.”

40) MOONSHINE SCULPTING

  • Like the idea of “stealing smooth shapes.”
  • Don’t need into as suffused does the job.

42) CALLIE

  • Simple and sexy.
  • A little more please.

43) THE SPANKING

  • Nicely done.
  • How does the slapping sound?

44) SILKEN SENSATION

  • Great sentence structure.
  • Not sure about cyprine.

45) PRACTICALITIES

  • Great you did not over do the alliteration.
  • Perhaps a name rather than the first her.

46) STEAMY SEDUCTION

  • Reads smoothly.
  • Less alliteration would work better for me.

47) GAL PALS

  • Like the hot idea put across here.
  • End a bit clunky.

48) BLESSED, BE

  • Really like the first half.
  • Not sure about the second half.

49) WAITING APPROVAL

  • Nice vision of her waiting.
  • A bit of a tongue twister when read aloud.

50) CAPRICIOUSLY CHAOTIC

  • Well done for keeping the theme running and naming your character.
  • Not erotic.

51) SENSUOUS SALVATION

  • Like ‘drenched his damaged heart.’
  • Little clunky in structure.

54) ON TOP

  • Great sentence.
  • Not erotic.

55) PLEASURED PAIN

  • Nice alliteration and sentence
  • Not sure about ‘electrical.’

56) LIP SERVICE

  • Like ‘salty release’ and you have used a name for a character.
  • Not sure about the swaying though 😉

57) SEEING STARS

  • Good visuals.
  • “Sees stars” that’s a lot of sucking 😉

58) THIRST

  • Delicious thoughts.
  • Not keen on the “well trodden” image.

59) RECIPROCITY

  • Smiling here – very clever and tongue in cheek I think.
  • Slightly over the top for me.

60) SPUNKY SPREE

  • Clever sentence and title!
  • Too much alliteration.

61) FILTHY FINDINGS

  • Was nicely erotic.
  • Whose breasts?

62) REVERSING ROLES

  • A hand job delight.
  • Instead of the first “his” have a name.

63) JUICY FRUIT

  • Liked this and great title.
  • More please.

64) BOUND ANTICIPATION

  • Great sentence and anticipation here.
  • would like something stronger than “sweet (release).”

65) PINK SHEETS

  • I can see and smell those sheets 😉
  • “Seething” makes me squirm a bit.

66) ACUTE ADULTERY

  • Laughing. Like how light hearted this feels.
  • More please.

67) FIRST FELATIO

  • Loving the names of these characters.
  • Doesn’t grab me.

69) THE RELEASE

  • Good sentence.
  • Second their not needed.

70) TONGUE TWISTER

  • He was doing a good job.
  • Sensual and shock sound opposing.

71) ANTICLIMAX

  • Clever sentence.
  • Not erotic.

72) BEJEWELED

  • Nice skit.
  • What’s this about a blue bauble?

73) FIERCE FOREPLAY

  • Like forfeited her fate – even thou it is a strange concept.
  • Not keen on feminine and unfeminine together.

74) THE F-WORD

  • Direct and to the point.
  • Don’t like the word fiddling.

75) SURFACE SCRATCHES

  • Very descriptive.
  • Who is doing this to you?

76) THE TEASE

  • Erotic and nicely done.
  • Feels like there are words missing.

77) UNDRESS

  • Like the simplicity here.
  • More please.

78) THE WHIP

  • Flows nicely.
  • New born – does not work for me.

79) FIRST TIME

  • Names are good.
  • Difficult to read out loud as no no punctuation.

80) HUMIDITY

  • Extremely visual sentence and great title.
  • Not erotic for me.

81) COME TOGETHER

  • Cor blimey! I quite liked this.
  • A little comedic.

82) MIDNIGHT MASS

  • Liked the  playing and instrumental link.
  • Could be constructed better.

83) STAMINA

  • Very amusing.
  • Reads like an S list.

84) CUCKOLD

  • Very technical.
  • Not flowing for me.

85) KNEEL

  • Like the middle bit.
  • Does not flow.

86) SILKY SENSATION

  • Like the visuals of the hair and thigh.
  • ‘Just like that’ – like what?

88) AURAL SEX

  • Like that you have a start middle and end.
  • Who is he?

89) WRITTEN LOVER

  • Very sensual and erotic.
  • First part of sentence is confusing.

90) THE TRIGGER

  • Lots of feels.
  • ‘Subtle Stubble’ bit clunky when reading out loud.

91) DRENCHED

  • Like the use of ‘hunkered’.
  • How did the dildo get drenched?

92) SUMMER SIN

  • Great setting here.
  • Almost too much going on.

93) FRUSTRATED FEELINGS

  • Like the urgency.
  • Not keen on some of the words used.

94) LUCKY

  • Liked the second half.
  • Not keen on the liquid leaking, erotically.

95) BEST BEHAVIOUR

  • Good idea for an erotic sentence.
  • A bit of a tongue twister.

96) PRISCILLA’S PASSION

  • Tongue in cheek fun.
  • Can’t take it seriously.

97) THE PET

  • Like the scene here.
  • Room for more.

98) FORBIDDEN

  • Ohh, prohibited. Interesting.
  • Difficult to read out loud.

99) SLIPPING INSIDE

  • Can visualise this scene.
  • Not liking ‘crater.’

100) SPLIT SECOND

  • I relate to that ‘slick lick of the whip on my clit.’ 😉
  • Bit of a tongue twister.

101) BEGINNINGS

  • Liking the scene that you have set.
  • Layout a little clumsy.

103) THE ICE

  • Good visuals.
  • Not erotic.

104) HEAVEN

  • Great description of a cock!
  • Feels like there is something missing, the first bit is a statement.

105) LUNCH BREAK

  • Liking the “teased, tempted, tore her open” a lot.
  • *I think I should have given this sentence more consideration.*

106) THE BLINDFOLD

  • I can relate to this.
  • What next, room for more?

107) TENDER TOUCH

  • Visually pleasing.
  • Bit like a list and seems crowded.

109) ENCHANTMENT

  • Simple and effective.
  • A bit more please – how did he come?

Header image for round one feedback post by Prettysleepy from Pixabay

smut marathon round one feedback
Round One Feedback

 

February Photo Fest Day 16

This was taken at the same time, and is very similar to a photo I entered for Sinful Sunday  two years ago. The reason the other image was chosen  was the jet of water hitting my breasts was more appropriate to the prompt.

May More on the grass hat round one
Day 16

 

Image mention ~ This photo from yesterday is smoking hot…

febphotofest
Day16 and round one SM 2020 feedback

11 thoughts on “Round one feedback~ Smut Marathon 2020

  1. I like how you give a positive and a negative for each. I tend to criticize more than I probably should and often feel like Simon Cowell…the big meany pants critic. But I do this every day, all day…and focusing on what needs work…quickly…is usually most efficient and effective at work. I need to work on this for the marathon though…thanks for the reminder.

    I also love seeing how and why other judges pick what they do. Our numbers were all over the board. And we often don’t line up with the public at all. Makes for a wild and unpredictable ride!

  2. I’m immensely impressed with the effort and diligence you’ve put in to this as a judge. x

    SmutMarathon is not something that would suit me. If I was an entrant this would be invaluable. I can really get a feel of it from this post and am more inclined to read the next round properly and think about the merits of a post against the assignment criteria.

  3. I cam into the post not realising you had an image in – and while it is beautiful, my comment isn’t about it! I actually read this post the other day when it popped up on twitter and because I can’t comment on my phone I am only getting back to it now.

    I have no idea if others do this sort of post but I know if it were me taking part in SM, I would really value this post because I can read my feedback as well as reading about others and learn for that too. I can’t imagine how much time goes into it all but I think this is such a fab idea.

    From your first post I read about what you expect as a judge and why to this shows you are on a mission to pull the best from people, and it is really lovely to read! x

    1. Thank you LSB – means a lot that you have bothered to read when you are not involved in the SM – you are a wonderfully supportive and awesome blogger! xx

  4. Thank you for the feedback May (no. 10) and I’m glad you enjoyed it. In hindsight as Marie has said, the inclusion of an ‘and’ before the as would have been better. ?? All good learning though..

    Sweetgirl x

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