Round three feedback ~ Smut Marathon 2020

round five feedback

Specification for round three – Your character is masturbating and someone is watching them. Write about what the voyeur sees.

I found this round quite difficult as I eventually needed to make the important decision as to what the definition of a voyeur actually is for my purposes.

Looking online I found this definition ~

One obtaining sexual gratification from observing unsuspecting individuals who are partly undressed, naked, or engaged in sexual acts.

So, I locked down on my belief that

  • a voyeur isn’t someone who watches porn on a screen.
  • for my picks the voyeur doesn’tΒ  have to be or remain secret.
  • but they shouldn’tΒ  interact with the person they are watching.

However, I didn’t apply this with the first cut. Initially, I simply picked the stories that reached out to me then I delved deeper.

All the entries in this post made that cut…

On the whole I wish there were more entries that told a complete story. But that’s simply my preference because I like flash erotic fiction. When done well a whole story can be told in just a few words. Most of the entries in this round described a scene.

But this was a difficult round in difficult times, so I truly commend you all for getting your entries in and the entertaining writing you have shared.

I gave my points to these round three entries…
round two
Round Three

 

66) HUNTER IN THE WILDWOOD – 10 Points

Brilliant. Had me from the start and I knew it was going somewhere special but you kept me guessing until the end. I like the way you have set the story out and the language you have used compliments the plot so well.

I suppose I just want more!

46) BEST RIDE EVER – 9 Points

This is one hot story. I really like the scene in the taxi and can visualise it so well. I want to be in the cab – I don’t mind if I am him or her. In fact I think I now need a moment of alone time!

Should this be “to change into the most” – rather than “in the most”?

23) BALCONY SCENE – 8 Points

You have created a very strong setting in this story and I did enjoy the masturbation descriptions too. Not cliched.

This line – “the locksmith from number four. Like so many before, he will probably die” – Use a different flat number perhaps πŸ˜‰ – four and before does not flow.

4) APRIL 25, 2020 – 7 Points

I think these people may only just have met so had never touched wanting to prolong that wonderful feeling of anticipation. And I can feel that in this story. It pulled me along. I also like that the masturbation scene is not over done and β€œa tall pane of glass that had become our second skin.” – like this too. Good job.

This line could read better with a little work – “posters on lamp posts.”

53) WORKING LATE – 6 Points

Great anticipation and thinking he will reveal himself but then disappears to the loo instead. I like work based masturbation scenes. I also like how the guy wonders exactly what she is doing under the desk rather than seeing it all. And wow what an orgasm she has.

Read a little clunky in places

54) SELF-ISOLATION – 5 Points

Nicely done. You had me thinking this was two guys for a while. Great visuals. Very topical story and the ending made me smile. A secret voyeur watching someone masturbate, well done.

I kind of wish she was watching because she wanted to, not because it was lock down.

29) SUBTERRANEAN ROCK COCK BLUES – 4 Points

Like the style of the writing. Tight and direct. The description of Melanie is great too. Fabulous title and I must say you did have me on all fours checking the logistics of the fucking description ;-)- that was something to see…

I didn’t really believe this. But who cares. It’s fiction.

13) 60-SECOND SHOW – 3 Points

Interesting story and I liked the count down too. I did something like that in one of my SM entries. And even though you don’t explain too much about how she is feeling about what’s going on – that does shine through. I could feel her desire and embarrassment. I like the ending too.

Why is she always locked up. Would like to have known more?

51) DIRTY LAUNDRY – 2 Points

I think you have done a really good job here. I felt conflicted as I read but the story got hotter and hotter.

It is hot but not erotic.

All the other round three entries that made the cut

24) SOCIAL DISTANCING

If I had more points this one would have received them..

This is my favourite of the sex toy stories. You pulled me in by setting a scene that only said so much but made me want to know more. I like the added touch of the panties in his pocket and then the ending worked so well.

Not keen on the old squishy sounds. Could just me me though.

8) THE WORKING GIRL

The short sentences at the start puled me in. I like office masturbation scenes as it reminds me of when I once did the same. But I wasn’t seen. Well I don’t think I was πŸ˜‰

10) TEASE ME

This is fabulous scene setting and you have also created real characters. I like this story

He got involved so I felt it could not really be classed as a voyeur and masturbation tale.

17) PEEPING TOM’S SURPRISE SHOW

Good ending and a nicely written scene too.

Not very sensual or erotic for me.

18) VOYEUR SEE, VOYEUR DO

I like that you immediately set the scene. Great little story line and quite an orgasm by the girl.

Not sure about this – I felt brave enough to slide my boxers off and as I came to full attention. – the and is not needed.

19) WILL THEY?

This flowed nicely, not only that I know who the characters are and what circumstance are like for them too. Good job. I could hear and see this story.

Don’t like use of capitals.

22) MY WISH, YOUR COMMAND

You have created a very strong setting in this story and I did enjoy the masturbation descriptions too. Not cliched.

This line – the locksmith from number four. Like so many before, he will probably die – He should be from a different flat number πŸ˜‰ four and before does not flow.

33) BETWEEN SHOTS

I Found this an interesting story in plot and the way you have chosen to set it out. Like the ending too.

You could do better with this sentence – And so she thought she found a camera-free spot. Also I think you may have switched tenses without meaning to.

37) SWEET RELEASE

I chose this story in my first cut as there is something I really about the story line. And then also the writing is quite brave. A paragraph from him, then her, and so on.

It reads slightly clunky. I think it is because of the heavy use of pronouns.

43) LESSONS IN LOVE

I really liked this entry. You have set a very sensual scene. Written well with cool additions such as – β€œship on swelling seas.” and β€œmelting into the bed.”

As the urgency rises perhaps think about having line breaks. Typo I think, β€œher body to melting.”

47) HOT MAN SLUTS

This made me smile and I like Gereldine very much. The ending is great too.

Is this voueurism? Not sure that it is.

51) DIRTY LAUNDRY

I think you have done a really good job here. I felt conflicted -as I read but the story got hotter and hotter. Well done.

It is hot but not erotic. But didn’t care!

53) WORKING LATE

Great anticipation and thinking he will reveal himself but then disappears to the loo instead. I like work based masturbation scenes. I also like how the guy wonders exactly what she is doing under the desk rather than seeing it all. And wow what an orgasm she has.

54) SELF-ISOLATION

Nicely done. You had me thinking this was two guys for a while. Great visuals. Very topical story and the ending made me smile. A secret voyeur watching someone masturbate – totally met the spec.

I kind of wish she was watching because she wanted to, not because it was lock down.

56) THE GANG-BANG

I do think your angle here works – the voyeur being the older guy watching the main character. I liked that you had tried a different plot to the others. And the scene is quite hot.

But the voyeur/masturbation was not key in this story

Round Three extras

On my first two reads, before I made the cut, I also wrote brief notes on many other entries. If your story is not here please DM me on twitter or email me if you want to know my thoughts.

smut marathon round three feedback
Round three Feedback

 

8 thoughts on “Round three feedback ~ Smut Marathon 2020

  1. I loved your comprehensive comments and feedback. I wish there had been more of this in the early rounds I was in, but I guess it is very daunting when the quantity of entries is so high (see what Elliott wrote!) I will try to visit and vote more though.

  2. Your feedback is always very well presented, and I’m grateful my scene was one that you did like.

    Sweetgirl x

    1. Thanks Sweet – TY for commenting – I appreciate it as I spend a lot of time reading all the stories and writing these feedback posts so it is nice to be appreciated – Good luck in the next round x

  3. I too liked #66 the best, and seeing the voting every one else agreed. This was a real story. I started reading stories and was not wowed. I stopped and didn’t bet back till it was too late to vote. I felt guilty for missing the deadline and started reading from the end. Wasn’t doing it for me so I quit. I missed the center chunk of stories. I’m enjoying your take and I’ll check out a few more.

Comments are closed.

Follow on Twitter

Get an email when I post

Recent on Sex Matters

%d bloggers like this: