round five feedback

Round two feedback~ Smut Marathon 2020

So we are on to round two of the smut marathon 2020.

My comment will include a positive point and maybe a recommendation. If you have any questions regarding the feedback for your entry, or would like a little more,  then DM on Twitter or email me.

When reading feedback please remember that what we personally like to read is very subjective. This is just my opinion. The judges probably will not all agree, and similarly there will be a wide range across readers votes. What I am trying to say is do not take things too much to heart in regards to feedback. Write for yourself and have fun…

Round Two

The specification was ~

Use a sentence from round 1 (not your own) to write a sexy story.
The sentence should be included in your story.

This round I found it very difficult to settle on only nine entries. There were a few which stood out for me from the start and then there were lots that I liked equally. I was looking for entries that were actual stories, with a plot and characters. Also those which incorporated the round one sentence effortlessly, fitting it in with the style of the tale.

Process

After much re-reading and that very important bit – reading out loud – I settled on my nine.

The first cut left me with 29 entries and the second, 17 entries.

Once again I will list the stories that received my points but will then mention the other 8 that made it into my top 17.

These notes are made as I read.

Lets go…

I awarded points to these round two stories …

Round Two Points

16) SLEIGHT OF HAND

  • I loved the tale Immediately. It reminded me a little of Cousin Pons work and pulled me in. You had me smiling. A complete flash story was told. Good work and well done with the themes – jewels and blue plus setting it in a time frame.
  • I think it could end on balls.

10 Points

22) MATING RITUALS

  • Well done for creating a real scene in a short space. I loved the comedic side to it and kept wondering what would happen next. Real characters too.
  • Not totally sure the added sentence fits style wise with the rest.

9 Points

45) THE SACRIFICE

  • What a wonderful short story. Filled with so much. I could see it all so clearly in my head.
  • I kind of wish the title was different as it gave away the great end.

8 Points

79) A NEW LIFE

  • This is a whole lifetime in a story. Great work. And sensual too. Also the sentence fits perfectly.
  • First sentence is a little clunky.

7 Points

58) NIGHT BUS TO PLEASURE

  • Good job. A saucy and sexy flash that left me smiling.
  • I think you had room for more words – would like a little more as in who is watching?

6 Points

47) TIME AND FAMILIARITY

  • Loved this tale. Their history explained in few words. Good job. And the sentence fits well.
  • Sexier title please as it is an erotic story.

5 Points

26) MIDNIGHT AT THE BLUENOTE

  • You have created a very atmospheric scene here and lots of anticipation. The last sentence works so well.
  • I really wondered what the act was called – Midnight?

4 Points

63) DANTE’S CLUB

  • Great stuff. Love the scene you have created here and the anticipation. The last sentence works so well.
  • Not very erotic but still liked it.

3 Points

42) PARTING, SUCH SWEET SORROW

  • What a picture you have painted. Well told. And love the last sentence.
  • Isn’t it actually your pleasure in their core too 😉

2 Points

These were also on my list after the second cut…

87) BLIND ANTICIPATION

  • Like the the style of writing, the spareness. Plus great anticipation.
  • Why are you there? “Knot” and “not” close together.

21) ACADEMY AWARD WINNING PERFORMANCE

  • Laughing. A great little tale. I would never have guessed what was happening until near the end. And a cool modern slant.

27) MORE THAN FRIENDS

  • Love the way this starts. You tell us so much in those first few lines. A story immediately.
  • Would have liked a stronger ending.

41) BLOWING THE ORGAN

  • Love the twist in this and you have written a story and a great picture too.
  • Not very erotic.

55) VIRTUOUS REWARD

  • I loved this round one sentence and you have done a great job here. Well written.
  • Not keen on “pants”

69) EX MACHINA

  • Very good original idea and that’s why it got into the cut. I applaud anything out of the box
  • Not erotic for me.

71) AMY’S BOARD ROOM REWARD

  • Drew me in immediately. And I love a bit of office porn.
  • Think you could have set out the first paragraph a little better.

85) PHEROMONE FETE

  • Like what you have done with the round one sentence and this is a very carnal piece.
  • I giggled at “odoriferous slipstream” which distracted me a little.

The rest of the entries

1) THE GUILT TRIP

  • Very well written
  • Characters didn’t convince me

2) THE RIVAL

  • Love the setting of the scene at the start
  • A little too flowery for me

3) WICKED WISHES

  • Great dialogue.
  • Characters are a little cliched

4) THE REVERENT

  • Very nice and well written – like several things about this.
  • The priest topic is used a lot.

5) THE LONG WAIT

  • A lot of story in a short space, well done.
  • Impersonal couldn’t connect.

6) KEEPING WARM

  • Great anticipation, kept me reading.
  • Where had he gone?

7) INCHES OF INK

  • Great idea for a story.
  • Bit more on how “it felt.”

8) WHAT THEY DON’T KNOW

  • Loved the buildup. Very erotic.

9) SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS

  • Nicely told and well written.

10) DOUBLE TROUBLE

  • Wow. I found this hot. I certainly want more.

11) HIS MASTER’S WIFE

  • Very sensual read.
  • “No more” would read better as “no longer”

12) MIDSUMMER MANTLE

  • Love this line “dressed only in Summer”
  • Not sure about “It was a more than her garden”

13) BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

  • This  scene works well with the round one sentence
  • Tell us how he knows she wants him inside her?

14) TO ASK CONSENT

  • Very sensual writing.
  • Reads a little like a list.

15) OBEDIENT SCREAMS

  • Oh yes I love a bit of sex standing up and you have handled this well. Great urgency too.

17) A NOCTURNE

  • I like a lot about this entry particularly – ” The moonlight hands me its chisel. I am your sculptor now.”

18) SCENT INTO HEAT

  • Nicely done. Great description of his genitals – really – and a visual piece all round.
  • Would have like more of a story line.

19) MOONLIT LOVERS

  • Very poetic and sensual
  • The word “rubbing” didn’t fit the style of this piece.

20) THE FIRST NIGHT

  • You have painted an enticing picture.
  • The use of a capital for “Him”  “He” was not held to the end.

23) HER GUILTY PLEASURE

  • I can relate to this scene, being her secret and the spanking
  • Not sure i relate to “explosion” though

24) CARNAL CATHARSIS

  • Good ending and you pulled me along with the story.
  • I would change the second “watching” to a different word.

25) 25 MOMME COUNT

  • A very relatable scene
  • Careful of using ‘my” too much

28) FIRST LESSON

  • This is hot with anticipation and longing. Like it.

29) WHAT DO YOU WANT?

  • Like the ambiguity of this
  • Bit clunky in places when reading out loud

30) FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS

  • Yeah why did you pick up the chemise. I get that.
  • More info about them or her.

31) BENEATH HIS GAZE

  • Ohh yes fabulous idea. Being watched as you come.Him not being able to touch.
  • Wanted more info about them.

32) VIVA VOCE

  • Like this. We have proper characters and a story. Excellent
  • Not sure the sentence fits

33) KEI CONQUERED

  • Nice use of the first round sentence here
  • Careful of your wording such as “bares” and then “bare” close together.

34) A DARK LITTLE CORNER

  • I like the picture this story puts in my head.
  • “Perfect” used twice close together

35) THE LESSON

  • I really like how your story unfolds and that we understand what will probably happen next.

36) BOUND FLOWER

  • Well written and like the flower words theme. Hot too.

37) SO GREEDY

  • Very carnal and a good characterisation

38) BOUND TO SECRECY

  • Can feel the passion
  • Like to know more about them

39) PREDATOR AND PREY

  • Well done for quite an original idea. You have set a good scene too

40) LEAD THE WAY

  • I very much liked this entry. The way it starts and ends with her bosom flesh.
  • Stronger finish would have been good.

43) FOREVER FISTED

  • You have put across the impact of the act really well
  • Ouuuch!

44) WINNER TAKES ALL

  • Very good you have created a great start to my favourite entry of last round.
  • You have room for more – I would like more

46) WET CUNT, WHETTED CUNT

  • Nice job, really liked “ravaging the countryside into obedience”
  • Not sure about the end.

48) PEEP SHOW

  • I really liked what you were trying to do here.
  • I think you needed more raw action

49) PRIMA NOCTA

  • Nice use of the title and like your female description 😉
  • Not sure why she is there – forgetting the title

50) NERVES AND ANONYMITY

  • Like this idea for a story very mush
  • I was left needing more

51) MEMORIES OF YOU

  • Great anticipation and urgency – well done.
  • You say eyes meet at the end as if it is the first time – but u have lingering looks at the start

52) SHAMELESS CHAPERONES

  • Nicely told and really like where you have taken the round one sentence.
  • A lot of whispering going on. Maybe second time use a different word.

53) EASY COME

  • I like the way you have changed the context of easy.
  • Cute Connie. Cute slit. too much cute.

54) THE WIDOW

  • We get a little history of the characters. Great.
  • Not keen on so many dashes,

56) LEAP OF FAITH

  • Lovely dialogue here
  • Not sure i understand who they are?

57) WAITING FOR PERMISSION

  • This fits so well with the round one sentence and is very sensual
  • Why are they there?

59) A SIMPLE SOLUTION

  • Clever little scene.
  • More story please

60) TENDER LONGING

  • Oh this story intrigued me. Pulled me in.
  • I am not sure if it is a dream either 😉

61) WAITING FOR…

  • A sexy scene and good ending.
  • Want to know more

62) A CARNAL CONUNDRUM

  • This is a clever bit of writing.

64) HER PAIN, THEIR PLEASURE

  • I found this a hot scene for a few reasons.
  • But don’t like the word soggy.

65) TAHITIAN SHORES

  • Wow- what a sensual ride that was.

66) NO LONGER HIDDEN

  • I do love a spanking scene and can relate to this
  • I think you have possibly mixed tenses.

67) IN HARMONY

  • Really like how you have continued a theme here and created a great visual scene.

68) SUCCUMB TO SEDUCTION

  • This is a sexy tale. Nice ending.  What a conference
  • I found myself asking why it happened

70) OFFICE SPACE

  • Like that you have used the round one sentence with her standing. And it is very hot too.

72) STARLIT SURRENDER

  • I love the word tumescence. And great feels in this flash.
  • Maybe some names?

73) FROM ACROSS THE ROOM

  • Nicely written. And the sentence works well.
  • I was wondering about the room set up. Prob just me 😉

74) MOTHER SUPERIOR’S BIG DAY

  • Well written and amusing tale

75) PEOPLE WATCHING

  • Really like the idea used in the story. Lot of scope.
  • Not sure the sentence fits as a piece of dialogue.

76) LONGING

  • Good idea for a story.
  • Reads a little clunky in places

77) EXQUISITE TORTURE

  • You have expressed  sensations here well
  • After the first sentence you jump tenses.

78) AN UNEXPECTED DINNER GUEST

  • Ohh nice. Another good story using my favourite sentence from round one. Well done. Simply but effective ending.
  • Should he be outraged as his wife is cheating or because he wanting to get in first?

80) SLOPPY SECONDS

  • Very different idea
  • Not erotic for me

81) LIFE ITSELF

  • Well written and works really well with the round one sentence.

82) JACOB’S FANTASY

  • Great visuals here. Very hot scene. Well done.
  • Why was he watching?

83) BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

  • I like this – you have given us a story in a short space with reasonably strong characters.
  • Very long sentence in the middle. May have worked better as two.

84) SLOW SEDUCTION

  • Sexy and  saucy tale.
  • You have mixed tenses so it is a little confusing to read.

86) A GOOD GIRL

  • I can relate to this as I like a good spanking.
  • Would like a bit more to the tale.

I reached the final of the Smut Marathon in 2018. You can read my first and second round entries here plus a few other contestant’s work that I liked.

Round One Feedback

 

7 thoughts on “Round two feedback~ Smut Marathon 2020”

  1. I think it is crazy fun to see how differently we are all voting. I like to compare your feedback to mine! It shows just how subjective this game is!

    1. Thanks for having a look Brigit – I did notice that 3 of your top nine I also picked in my top 9
      and I also had 3 of Cousin Pons top nine in my selection too –
      So it is subjective but i think some stories seem to come to the top of the pile anyhow x

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