Meeting your Sexual Needs in a Sexless Relationship

Meeting your Sexual Needs in a Sexless Relationship

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As soon as I received this guest post and began to read I was thrown back to a memory from when I was about eighteen.


A relative I called Aunt Laura was married to Geoff. You can see them on a family tree in this post. Which may explain why they never had sex. When I was eighteen Geoff died and Laura told me that truth. I was shocked but listened to the story of how they had loved each other deeply but had demons they were both fighting and because of that lived a life of companionship that she cherished. It had initially been Geoff’s decision but I do not think Laura mourned the sex. The couple found intimacy in other ways and as a child I loved spending time in their house as it seemed full of love.

Years later when my children’s father found out about Laura’s sexless relationship he said he understood how that could work. Little did I know he was wanting to dance closer to that way of life than me. And we ended up in a mainly sexless partnership. Which was one of the reasons I left him.

But I should also add that I have been the partner saying NO to sex in more than one relationship.

So, on the the main course…  May More

Finding yourself in a Sexless Relationship ~ Guest Post

The significance of sex in a relationship is unquestionable. The intimacy and passion that comes with it are the things that cement your relationship with another person. Unfortunately, when you’re in a long-term relationship, keeping up the spark can sometimes be challenging.

There are plenty of reasons for sexless relationships, from different sex drives, through lack of time, to psychological causes. If that’s what happened to you, try not to worry. Maybe your partner needs a little time and space to sort things out.

Of course, if the situation continues for a longer period, it might be the sign that something is wrong. If you have a suspicion that things aren’t going the right way, it’s important to take the necessary steps to find out what’s going on.

But on the positive side, it can be a perfect moment for you to discover your body and learn how to satisfy your sexual needs yourself. And how can you achieve that? You’ll find the answer below.

The Ancient Art of Masturbation

If you’re in a sexless period of your relationship, it may be a great time to be reminded of how to please yourself on your own. And masturbation is an age old method of self care. Touching yourself doesn’t have to be boring. There are many ways to pleasure yourself.

First of all, engage in an anatomy lesson. Learn where and how you should touch yourself to get the satisfaction you seek. Why not use a mirror.

Secondly, take your time. Your masturbation doesn’t have to be short. Stimulate yourself slowly, touch, and don’t rush. You can also do this a couple of times a day if that’s what you need.

Thirdly, try to masturbate while watching porn or reading sex stories, like the ones you can find on

And last but not least, get yourself some sex toys. Spice up your masturbation with a dildo, vibrator, cock ring or any other toy available on the market. It may also be a good idea to use some lube to enhance the experience. Oh, and don’t forget to try out various techniques.

No matter your preferences, masturbation can be a fantastic substitute in a sexless relationship. Of course, it won’t give you the same level of intimacy as sex with another person, but remember it’s up to you to explore and make it fun.

Get Kinky

The case may be that your partner doesn’t want to have sex because they don’t feel about it the same way they used to. Maybe it’s time to spice things up and get kinky.

Communicate with your partner. Suggest trying out different positions, implement toys, role play, and other things that will make your sex life more exciting.

Also, don’t forget that sex doesn’t have to mean intercourse. You can get involved in mutual masturbation or enjoy oral. Maybe your partner would like to try something else completely. The crucial thing is to talk about it first.

Consider an Open Relationship

But what if masturbation doesn’t fulfill your needs? Well, the first thing is to ask yourself whether it makes you unhappy. If it does, maybe it’s time to consider opening your relationship.

Keep in mind that we don’t suggest cheating on your partner. We mean an honest talk about your desires and how important sex is for your happiness.

Stay true and create a set of rules you need to follow. If you keep things healthy and fair, everything should work just fine. Also, having sex with another person doesn’t mean you will fall in love with them. You can still love your partner and have an open relationship.

The Bottom Line

Lack of sex in a relationship can be frustrating, especially if your sex drive is high. Bear in mind that many couples manage this problem, but it’s up to you how you’re going to deal with it.

And while nothing will give you a higher level of intimacy than sexual activity with the person you love, there are some things you can do to stay satisfied.

In this article we discussed masturbation, trying something new in bed to make your sex life more exciting. And considering an open relationship.

Keep in mind that the most important thing is an honest conversation. You need to determine how you feel about your sexless life and how vital sexual intimacy is for you. Also, remember to listen to your partner and try to understand them.

Only being honest with each other will help you solve the problem you’re facing.

This post was introduced by me, May More, but written and sponsored by omg kinky.

Header image copyright May More.

14 thoughts on “Meeting your Sexual Needs in a Sexless Relationship

  1. I’ve been married to someone who didn’t care for sex. She didn’t want to orgasm and didn’t want to have sex. She also didn’t want me to masturbate. Near the end she didn’t want my touch and wouldn’t even touch me casually. It’s a lousy way to live.

    1. you are so right Michael – i have been in a similar situation and got out – u would wouldn’t you!? It depleted my self esteem for a while…

  2. By her actions my wife has made it very clear she doesn’t want sex with me, but gawd forbid I should find an alternative. I can discuss the issue with her, communicate my need for physical intimacy and… she will nod her head, agree we need to do something, and yet … nothing changes. We have even been to couples counseling three times over our three decades long relationship and I have now learnt the reality of ‘my lot in life’.
    The reality is that my wife no longer wants to have sex with me, and has a myriad of reason for it – but won’t ever admit these to the therapist du jour. Which is a shame because if she’d been more honest we could have gotten to the root of the problem. My wife doesn’t want to have sex with me but she also doesn’t want me to see prostititutes (sex workers) nor is she keen on me masturbating. The latter is a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ situation but yes, she seriously gets jealous about what type of women I might get off to.
    As you’ve pointed out it happens with both genders. For me it’s like your partner deciding go vegan and expecting you to stop eating meat too because who really needs it?
    And then when they figure out you’re still eating meat on the sly they suddenly care whether its beef, lamb, or chicken – as if it matters?

    1. The masturbation thing is odd! For fucks sake we all masturbate – it is a healthy thing to do – especially for men. Cause of the prostate. You should read Liz Black’s blog – her and her husband I very open about masturbation and the toys they use. I will link you an article.
      I remember a few years ago you said something like – “u gaet married and both of you love tennis, you play it twice a weeks and it is fun and good for you. Then suddenly they dont like tennis anymore. Saying it is not so fun. But you can’t play tennis alone too often. What are you supposed to do?”
      I always remember that.
      Great to have you on my blog commenting!

  3. Unfortunately, discussing a problem is not always the key to solving it. I have often in my life come across a situation where the person to whom you say seemingly obvious things understands them somehow in their own way. As a result of such conversations, the problem is not only not resolved, but also aggravated. Therefore, in serious conversations, you must be extremely careful in your statements, trying to clearly understand that the other person heard exactly what you said or meant.

  4. This is an interesting post May and I think it is actually quite a big issue in many relationships. I agree with what you suggest about being open but in reality I think many do not have the sort of relationship where that level of discussion takes place. For many couples the desire for sex goes alongside loss of connection in other areas too. The relationship can be functional but with reduced intimacy on all levels which makes it unlikely that an open discussion about needs, wants and desires could take place with a feeling that you wouldn’t be listened to and understood. From my experience (being on the receiving end as well as watching others go through the same) there often ends up being a lot of unresolved emotions and lot of elephants in the room. Food for thought! missy x

    1. It is such a difficult situation – just to clarify I only wrote the intro – the rest is a guest post. But I have found my self in a sexless relationship and I think if he had been more open to trying “open” things lol – we may have lasted longer x

      1. Yes I saw that it was a guest post and written differently to how you would have done but it was an interesting topic and it raised some thighs for me. 😊

  5. Having read various articles on sexless relationships, the concensus seems to suggest a couple more options options, and here’s why I think they’re all probably unworkable:

    1) Someone has to just put up with not having sex. That’s not a solution – that’s resigning yourself to an unsolved problem.
    2) Someone has to find sexual satisfaction through masturbation. But sexual connection and intimacy are need two people, whereas masturbantion is solitary act, and therfore cannot, by definition, resolve the lack of connection.
    3) Both partners need to comfortable with one partner fucking someone else. At best you rather than having the connection you want with your partner, you have it with someone else. And if one partner isn’t ok with it anyway, you just replace one problem with another.
    4) Someone has to have sex when they don’t want to for the sake of the other. But where’s the connections if your partner is just going to lie back and think of England?
    5) Separate / divorce. Ok, but isn’t there supposed to be some emotional tie between you both? Not just a sexual connections? One partner didn’t want sex, the other didn’t, and because of that, the relationship ended. And unless you are both OK with that, and can seperate libido from personality, blame is almost innevitable.

    Maybe this is glass-half-empty, and tainted by personal experience but I honestly don’t see a positive resolution for a sexless relationship.
    The only posibility is that either the under-sexed partner finds a way to enjoy sex, or the over-sexed partner finds a way to not care about sex.

    1. In general I agree with you – in my intro I explained how it was one of the reasons why I split with the father of my kids – although funnily enough he didn’t think it was a god enough reason for me to leave!

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