sexual intercourse

Sexual Intercourse ~ Having Sex or a Technicality?

Virginity is a strange concept. What actually is it? If a definition had to be assigned to the word “virgin” in the context of sex it would be  someone who has never had sexual intercourse. Yet virgin is also meant to mean, innocent or naive.

Sex – Not for Virgins?

As a cis teenager, wanting to get it on with boys, I remember great emphasis was laid upon intercourse. It was said that a person hadn’t HAD SEX until intercourse.  However, by the time I did, at the age of 17, I had already

  • sucked cock.
  • given hand jobs.
  • had my cunt licked.
  • had my tits played with until I came.
  • been fingered vaginally and anally.

All these acts seem to me to be just as intimate and personal than the act of sexual intercourse. Yet I was still considered a virgin. A word that seems to sum up the image of purity. That wasn’t me.

First Time

Taking all the above into consideration, it may appear a trifle hypocritical that after a month of dating my first serious boyfriend, I refused to have sexual intercourse. He was not one to give up easily and persisted with his cause. He told me he’d lost his virginity already to his previous girlfriend – in fact he hadn’t, he was a virgin too. If I had known this I may have succumbed sooner. It would have felt like a new venture we were undertaking together. It was obvious his male ego had to be buttressed by this lie. He needed me to think he was the experienced one.

Surrendering after 3 months, the date was set. Jim’s parents were out, his big brother made himself scarce and we retired to his bedroom – a place I was never allowed as his parents were strict Catholics –  and looking back I cannot recollect what it was like. I do remember us both stripping bare and fondling. I was nervous. The easiest position for inexperienced teenagers is the missionary. Indeed we assumed this stance and he began to force his cock into my nubile cunt.

Orgasm Gap

Whether it was because I was feeling slightly anxious or because as I later discovered he was very well endowed, it was not an easy fit. My hymen had been intact, quite a shock to me really. There was blood and not much enjoyment on my part. He persevered and soon got into a rhythm. Once he had orgasmed we were on our feet rearranging his room and retreating to the lounge for his parents return. He was happy. Whereas, I was left wanting and confused.

Jim’s Quest

However, I have to say Jim was enterprising, and embarked on a quest to try everything –

  • How many times in one hour.
  • Tying me to the bed.
  • Any position he could think of.
  • Outdoors in my School grounds.
  • Coming on my face.
  • Me in sexy lingerie.

And I know somewhere among the above I had my share of orgasms – but often because PIV was not the only option we pursued.

I wouldn’t allow anal (even though I was inexperienced I could tell his dick was too large) and funnily enough he never spanked me. I am sure he would have if I had asked but at that time I wasn’t aware this was something I would enjoy and he was a good catholic lad, told not to hit a woman.

Feelings!

So how did I feel about all of this? Confused. I knew people who had lost their virginity as young as 13 but they were not in my peer group. My friends at 16/17 were still just at the occasional date stage and mostly were involved with snogging and being touched up. So I couldn’t confide in them. I was alone, or so I thought. It felt as if I hadn’t been ready for sexual intercourse and certainly I was not emotionally mature enough to handle the feelings it evoked in me.

Looking back I saw myself as just an observer, rather than actually being involved and sharing the intimacy of our carnal exploits. I felt on the outside, removed. I liked Jim. Thought I loved him. But I wasn’t greatly attracted to him. Perhaps because of this our fucking felt quite mechanical to me while he proceeded down his list of must do deeds.

A year went by and my friends caught up and I saw it all as more fun rather than a burdensome secret. I also began to see the bonus of having lost my virginity to a steady boyfriend. Putting aside the lack of attraction I still have fond memories of him and our ventures into sex and other things. He was happy with me being – well me. Which was a big positive.

Sex is more than Intercourse

As I grew into an adult -and right up to the current day- I came to view SEX as ALL sexual acts, not simply intercourse. Many times in a relationship I chose not to participate in penetration. Don’t get me wrong, I love to fuck but there are so many other ideas a couple can entertain in a fulfilling way. I would rather explore all the options rather than just sticking to PIV sex.

With all the above in mind, surly I lost my virginity way before I had sexual intercourse?

The story told, you can see mine was a relatively painless journey into the unknown. Losing my virginity was something that was always going to happen. But how would it feel to find yourself over 40 and still technically a virgin? Read an older post to find out.

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24 thoughts on “Sexual Intercourse ~ Having Sex or a Technicality?”

  1. I was likely around 20 (19?) when I lost my virginity—to a cougar! She was 32 and became my regular partner for awhile. But this talk about virginity brought something else to mind. In more extreme femdom relationships, there is such a thing as “born again virgins”. These are men who are slaves to their wives and who are no longer permitted to enter their wives at any time. I’ve heard of men who are born again virgins for 20 years now. lol

  2. I get this. I didn’t have any experiences until I was 20, virgin in all the senses, and that was pretty garbage. But we did all the things, including anal for a month or two before finally breaking the damn hymen, which was awful.

    A former friend was okay with her boyfriend doing anal and oral with other girls, but not PIV, because only that counted as sex to her, I guess. I always found that ridiculous.

  3. Oh yes, when I was a teenager, ‘PIV’ sex was everything. It was the only thing that counted, and this was in the nineties.

    Your first time sounds like how it’s supposed to go: awkward, uncomfortable but getting the job done. I’m happy we have evolved from that point

  4. This is such a good point and something I have thought about too. I agree with you that these other things can be equallly as intimate if not more so and so would tend to have a broader view of virginity. Missy x

  5. Great read. As with a lot of things, age and experiences offer leaning opportunities but the flip side is we’re then older. Beautiful picture too.
    lilly

  6. “As I grew into an adult -and right up to the current day- I came to view SEX as ALL sexual acts, not simply intercourse.”

    I think there is a certain level of maturity in realising that there is more to sex than PIV which is sadly lacking in our much younger selves.

    It’s a shame that the male ego (mostly) is responsible for people continuing in this vein… x

  7. Really interesting read and it does seem odd that only PIV is seen as virginity loosing sex, I wonder if that thought has changed now or not with a younger generation.

  8. “Yet I was still considered a virgin. A word that seems to sum up the image of purity. That wasn’t me.”

    It’s funny that we look back at these times and have this thought (I do too, although I lost my “virginity” much younger than you.) I truly believe that religion puts these thoughts and expectations in our heads. I think you were just…you. just like Jim liked 🙂

  9. This was, as ever May, an honest account of the upsides and downsides of sexual experiences, with the orgasm gap rearing its head, but not too much for you because you were so adventurous and open minded. It was very interesting to read and several discoveries you made had me nodding in agreement.

    1. I can imagine you nodding away Posy – i haven’t really mentioned how I didn’t actually suffer from the orgasm gap – Just early on with Jim, but we soon got in our stride
      May xx

  10. First, love the header image! Our sex began around the same age as yours with her having a similar experience the first time. Like anything in life, sex is a learned skill. When we are novices, we are often clumsy and awkward. Fortunately, practice in this activity can be fun with the right person. I agree, sex is more than just intercourse. But, at 15, 16, intercourse is everything. Only later do we realize there is so much more.

  11. I think all of us of our generation more or less grew up with the idea that only PIV counts as real sex, and the rest not. But I am with you, all those acts are sex, and I can have a totally fulfilled sex session without being penetrated 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

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