shame

Shame, Embarrassment & Fantasies

I have been reading a few of the entries for the Erotic Journal Challenge and suddenly realised that I already have a post from eighteen months ago that fits the topic. I originally put this out for TMI Tuesday but have updated it for the EJC.

Don’t forget to check out my February PhotoFest Photos, which incorporate my February Sinful Sunday shots too, over on my subdomain.

Tell us a sexual thing/fantasy you would never want your friends to know you like or have done?

As far as most of my old friends are concerned I wouldn’t like them to know that I get a kick out of bondage. They are pretty much vanilla.  Making new kinky friends in the blogging community has helped me share my own kinks without shame.

One activity I have kept pretty quiet about over the years is that I once had the “golden shower” experience. You will be able to read about it sometime, if I ever get back to my 1997 diaries, over on my sister blog which looks back 22 years ago to precisely the golden era. My friends would be horrified if I ever told them about that.  A couple of them even seemed shocked that I have enjoyed anal sex in the past.

Has anyone ever found an item of sexy underwear, a sex toy or perhaps a picture on your phone that embarrassed you?

When I was about 17 I was still living with my Mum. I used to often take my diary in the bathroom with me to write or read after I had bathed. One time I discovered that I had left it in there, in full view, for a whole day. I felt very embarrassed as even at that age my diaries were very explicit.  I was involved in my first sexual relationship. My boyfriend was very explorative where sex was concerned and the thought that my Mum or step father may have read about our exploits horrified me. I think I walked around blushing for the following week!

Do you have any fantasies you could never go through with because you think you would feel ashamed?

That’s a difficult one. I often fantasise about a MMF threesome but have not investigated it further – not because I may feel ashamed but because I am not sure in reality if the experience would be what I am after from sexual pleasure. Another factor is that I do have some trust issues. I think your partnership and mental health need to be very secure to consider “play time” such as a threesome.

Have you ever felt shame after a sexual experience?

Yes, too often in the past. My early life experiences have occasionally tarnished my past sexual relationships. After a short while, into a relationship, I would just start feeling dirty after any sex really. This reaction led to me feeling ashamed. Years ago I began to recognise a pattern in my sexual behaviour and began to look for answers. It’s been a long haul, but my man’s outlook on sex has helped me no end.

Incidentally, I never felt any shame regarding the golden showers! I enjoyed the humiliation of being used in such a dirty way. But I do understand, for me to enjoy this type of activity, there has to be a set of circumstances that are occurring at the time. To do with the person and my feelings and place within that partership. So I don’t know if I would be interested in that kind of game at the moment.

Prompt #7 Distress

 

6 thoughts on “Shame, Embarrassment & Fantasies”

  1. That moment about your diary reminded me that when I first had sex, at 16, I wrote a very detailed note about it to my best friend. I left it on my nightstand, and when my father was in my room looking for something, he came across it. He read it, and, properly freaking out, went to mom and told her to come talk to me (he couldn’t face me on something like that). She basically coached me into answering that it was just a made up story, and we both told him such. He never asked me questions about it, but she took me for birth control the next week. Funny how we forget these things until someone else draws them out. Your post did that for me. And I think that is part of the power of this kind of writing. Not only do we help ourselves, but we help others, too. Stories really do matter.

  2. Fascinating peeks into your inner thoughts May, almost as if we had been allowed to look at random pages of your diary! I remember giving my kids a copy of the packing list they could prepare for our holiday while I was at work … unfortunately I gave 1 of them the adult version & it listed condoms … boy were they grossed out! (I re-named myself inappropriate Mum after that!)

  3. A very interesting and revealing post, also very strengthening, always good to feel that whatever fantasy that’s playing in ones mind, it’s always ok! ????

  4. All will be revealed – I would love to have time to write my blogs every day but sometimes I have to try and earn a bit of money instead…
    Now you admit you do not need to do that, which is maybe why you write prolifically – that along with your obvious intellectual capabilities, I am surprised you haven’t churned out a couple of novels! But then again maybe you have…

  5. I think this post should be renamed Teaseday because you’ve hinted at so much that I want to know more about! And not just for prurient reasons!
    Mostly, but not entirely. 😛

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