Hi ho, hi ho, off to work I go…
Nowadays I hum that little tune as I take my morning shower. When people ask me why my answer is always the same…
I’m the luckiest gal on earth because I love me job.
Couldn’t believe it when I was chosen as one of the seven members of an all female vocal harmony group. What can I say? When I walked into the audition room Snowy White, the manager like, was sitting at a table, thumb and forefinger of his right hand twirling the end of his beard. In those days It was longish and light grey — most guys had a beard a few years ago. His hair in general was the same colour, coarse and wild too. Hence, his first name — Snowy. Funny thing though… his surname really is White.
Some say he went grey overnight. Yeah, would you Adam and Eve it? You know, went to bed on a Thursday night with brown hair, and woke up on Friday morning and it had turned almost white! What a thing to happen. He’s only about thirty-five. Perhaps forty. Difficult to gauge when you’re young. I was just leaving me teens behind when I auditioned. Maybe he got a shock in the middle of the night. Saw a ghost or somefink. No… Don’t laugh. It is possible. Me brother’s mate’s, sister’s boyfriend, woke up and some woman was hovering over him. Dressed like the Tudors she was. He just turned over and went back to sleep. Probably best really. I mean what else was he supposed to do?
Anyways. What was I saying? Oh yes… So I’m invited into the audition room and Snowy is sitting there next to Jade who was the big online influencer of the moment, plus the reason for the new vocal group. As I walked in she immediately up and downed me. Her gaze starting at the toe-tips of me thigh-length, shiny mock leather stiletto boots — and not ending until she reached the roots of me pink hair. I used to be a platinum blonde, like. But the lock-downs put paid to that so I got into the pink streaks. Mum would laugh and say,
“Oh Shenice, you are really in the pink today.”
I like it when she’s happy.
After Jade had given me the once over Snowy looked at her and she just nodded. Nothing else. Didn’t say a word.
If you want to know what I think — well, I think it was like a sign between them. She was giving me the nod of approval. Used to hear me gran make comments like that. Then, Snowy turned, looked at me, and said,
“So…” Glancing down at his list before continuing, “Shenice. Yes?”
“Yeah, that’s me.” I smiled, showing off me perfectly white teeth. I use baking soda. Me granddad swore by it, literally.
“It bloody works Shenice, I should know.” He’d say. And he does have mighty good teeth.
Snowy then asked a really stupid question, “Right Shenice. The thing is, can you sing?”
I started laughing and he asked, “What’s so funny?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be ‘ere if I couldn’t.” I shifted awkwardly from the left to me right foot and smoothed down me cerise mini-dress.
“Oh you’d be surprised.” He chortled
You know, I actually think I would. I mean, why would anyone turn up at an audition to be a singer if you couldn’t sing a note? Surely staying in tune is part of the job description.
“What song are you going to impress us with then, Shenice?”
It was really nice that he kept saying me name all the time. Like he was trying not to forget it. I thought it was a good omen.
“Em, Make you Feel my Love, by Adele. It’s me mum’s favourite.”
“Great. Is your mum here today, waiting for you?”
“No. No. She’s at home. Making the dinner. Dad likes it that way.”
“Ah. Okay. Well good luck, Shenice.”
Throwing me head back I took a deep breath and began…
I kind of get lost when I’m singing, almost forget where I am and don’t really notice those around me. I become one with the song. It’s an incredible feeling. So I can’t really tell you what Snowy White and Jade were doing while I was singing, but when I stopped there was just like a deafening silence in the studio.
I looked over at them, with me mouth and eyes wide open. Waiting. Wondering what they were going to say. Snowy sat back in his seat and blew air out through his lips. Like a silent whistle. Then turning to Jade he simply said, “Over to you Jade.”
I moved me eyes from Snowy to her. Taking in the perfectly made-up face and long black curly hair that caressed her fleshy cleavage whenever she made the slightest movement. She’s still renowned for her fabulous shape. Curvy, but toned. Makes me look a little lanky to be honest.
Finally, she spoke… Just two words,
And that was it. I signed the contract, handed in me notice at the cash and carry where I worked and haven’t looked back since.
Two years have flown by with the band — we like to describe ourselves as that, rather than a group. I mean Jade is learning guitar and Carla plays the keyboards. I’ve been thinking of asking Snowy if I can take up the violin. That would be nice.
What was I saying? Sorry I still get so excited about being in the band. Our sound is just right for 2024. We’re the current sensation. Expected to score at the Brits. You’ve probably heard of us — Tiny Tricks.
Anyway, got to go as me and the rest of the band have got our first rehearsal for this year’s blockbuster Christmas pantomime at the Savoy Theatre in London. We’re made up about it. The money is incredible, not to mention the publicity we’ll get. Our manager was thrilled to get all seven of us a starring role. I know what you’re thinking but don’t be silly — not that panto — come on we would have scratched each other’s eyes out to be Snow White, and Jade would have trumped us in the end. Have you seen the length of her false nails? No — it’s Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, brand-new adaptation.
Mum says I’m a real celebrity now. Laters…
Hi ho, hi ho, off to work I go…
Snowy White & The Seven Tiny Tricks first appeared on my Medium account – Find more of my fiction and erotica here.