There’s a lot to be said for scheduling sex nights. My man and I call them date nights as the end result does not have to be intercourse. The aim is to enjoy the type of interaction we don’t always have time for – exploring our kinks. But at first we didn’t realise how much care should be taken before and after the sexy action.
We started these evenings at the beginning of our partnership out of a desire to take us to a more intense level. He cooks an excellent meal, plans the setting, indulges me with compliments and wine. Our bond is strengthened. I feel valued and appreciated. These encounters reaffirm why we are together. For him, I submit because in my mind he deserves me to.
But what should you do if a date night goes wrong? It’s quite possible for an intense situation to escalate out of control and to end in tears and emotional confusion, instead of what you had hoped and expected. It happened to us a few years ago.
True Life Tale
The evening began with an agreeable chat, good food and wine. I wore makeup, killer heels, hold-ups, black lace top, gloves, plus some body jewellery. We moved into the living area with our drinks where he’d dotted the room with numerous candles. Ropes hung from the beam and two whips lay on a chair.
The scene was set.
My pulse began to race.
Sitting in the armchair he asked me to stand by the fireplace. Sipped his wine he stared at me as we exchanged carnal banter. I became even more energised, anticipating what was about to happen.
“Take your top off.”
He led me over to where the ropes hung from the beam and I raised my hands as he tied each wrist, really stretching my body taut. Removing my panties his knee jerked my legs apart. I was standing in a sort of star shape, wearing shoes and hold-ups.
I asked him, in a whisper, to whip me. My breathing quickened.
Taking up the horsewhip he flogged my back several times in quick succession, stopped and looked at me. I knew he was waiting for me to request more. We had discussed likely scenarios the previous day. He said I was to be a good girl and beg for my beatings. Turning my head sideways I looked him in the eyes and courteously invited him to thrash me. Without hesitation, the whip made heavy contact with my arse – repeatedly. The pain was excruciating and my brain took control – zoning out – so the intensity was masked.
Suddenly he was in front of me, gently kissing and telling me I was a good girl. I felt electric and full of desire. Untying my wrists he pulled me to the floor, spread my legs and slowly licked my cunt. My senses were too magnified to reach orgasm. Undoing his fly he briefly thrust his cock into my mouth. But instead of face fucking me he stopped, refilled our glasses and sat down. I kneeled in front of him with my drink. He told me how the body jewellery made me appear even more exposed and invited me to sit with him.
On my part, I should have interpreted his change of temperament and realised we needed to unwind cuddling on the sofa. However, we’d discussed possible activities to incorporate and I wanted more.
He had other ideas:
Still elevated I could not respond in a thoughtful manner. As far as I was concerned this was the wrong moment to bring sombre concerns into play. I behaved badly.
“Ah, what now?” I exploded.
I didn’t consider that for him to raise an issue at this time was a measure of its importance. Instead, it seemed I’d been discarded and let down.
I wasn’t behaving in a caring, supportive manner. At that moment I was still his dirty slut who in frustration could only think of wanting more from the date night. I don’t take drugs but I think the experience may be likened to coming down from an extreme high at a fast speed.
After tears, confusion and emotional justifications, we finally saw each other’s point of view. As a couple, we generally communicate well, which is vital in a relationship like ours. Thankfully we ended the mentally and physically exhausting evening in bed, our bodies entwined.
Reflecting on the Evening
Reflecting on the events, we were both to blame. There needed to be more before and after care in play.
My man should have recognised earlier he had things on his mind that may affect our play. And I should have thought before voicing my disappointment.
So once more it comes down to communication and remembering that both of you need to care about the other during highly charged interaction.
The following day we discussed what had happened. He’d suspected he may not have been in the right head space to go through with a date night but hadn’t wanted to disappoint me. Of course, by not telling me earlier, that is exactly what happened. But I should have been less volatile and perhaps taken a few moments to calm down. He was there with his arms out and wanting to give me the care I needed, but I was not ready for the fun to be over.
Moving on from that night we put into place a few fail-safes to try and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Here’s what we decided:
Not to discuss what may happen on a date night. I dress appropriately and he sets the scene. After all, I am submitting to him so this works. The problem arose as I was expecting more.
During the day of the date night we check in to make sure all is good and both of us are mentally and physically happy to go ahead with the evening’s entertainment. If not it’s postponed and another date is set. Instead, we have dinner and maybe watch a movie together.
We do not air serious issues in conversation during a date night. But rather wait for a more appropriate time.
Most importantly for us, we know that date night does not necessarily end with any kind of intercourse. After all, there is so much other kinky pleasure to be had.