wax and wane

Enjoying the Pain: Wax and Wane

Wax Play

Wax and Wane is a phrase often used to describe the phases of the moon. But can also give meaning to anything that grows in strength and then dwindles. This is a very apt description of the feeling achieved when hot wax first hits your skin. It has a strength which diminishes as it cools.

I have a vague memory of this sexy scenario happening between my man and me about five years ago – although it has to be said I can’t remember many of the details, so it is probably more fiction than fact.

I do know we have played with wax a few times and both really like it. On a practical note, I occasionally worry that the wax may fall on the carpet or furnishings and it is so difficult to get off. Maybe that’s because we have, of course, used standard church candles. I have to admit, I have no idea if the wax play kits that can be purchased from kink retailers are better in this respect. I think they are not as hot, heat wax wise.

But what is the fascination with wax play? For me it’s that wonderful short, sharp pain. Followed by a soothing effect as the wax dries and almost seems to seal and protect the area. It is similar to having a swift hand spank to your arse, followed by a tender caress. I do wonder if those people that don’t like to administer or receive pain think there is something askew within the brains of those who do.

I have thought long and hard as to why I like to be on the receiving end. The answer is probably complex.

The prime motive is about trusting and giving up control. I find it very difficult to do either of these things as a general rule in everyday life. When I let my man inflict pain on me I am trusting him with my body – I am allowing myself to be his muse as I give up my control to him. It becomes almost a relief for me to surrender that power. Not to have to be the strong, independent woman, but rather have my sexual needs catered for, and – crucially – decided by somebody else.

So why do you like pain?

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This post was originally published in 2017 but has been updated for 2022

30 thoughts on “Enjoying the Pain: Wax and Wane”

  1. There is not only pain in playing with a candle. What is important here is the feeling of attention, which is riveted only to you. And this is important for any person. It is also possible to use multi-colored candles and form a certain pattern, which can be pleasant both for subsequent admiration and for erotic photography.

  2. I would love to have hot wax dripped on my ass… or on my tits and nipples I think it would feel sooo good and this post as inspired me to think on it more and more.. Thank you!

  3. Perhaps pain is subjective. One person’s pain is another person’s pleasure. For instance, sore muscles from a hard workout is pleasurable to me (mostly because I know it comes with a long term reward), but others will sulk in their pain and not be able to move for days. Or maybe it’s about duration of pain. Pain from a spank might seem pleasurable because of the temporary sting, but pain a chronic illness might seem like torture because it never seems to go away. Or maybe it’s only pleasurable when it’s inflicted by someone who loves/cares for you. I’m sure being smacked around by a stranger on the streets wouldn’t seem so appealing.

    1. of course – i agree – but for those of us who seek pain from a lover it is often because it provides a clearing of the mind or some other clarity

  4. Wax is certainly one of those things people either love or hate. I guess pain is kinda like that too 😉
    Personally, I think.its wonderful 🙂

  5. I really enjoyed reading this and you have made me want to do some more wax play. It’s something we like but don’t bother with that often but Now I actually want to do it again as you are right, it can be really hot ?

  6. I really enjoy reading about other people’s experiences with wax. You describe your experience as one that’s very sensual and I can find myself in that. It’s funny that with this one particular experience you can’t remember if it’s more fantasy than fact. I have that with a few memories. It’s rather strange

  7. Thank you for sharing this with Tell Me About, it’s an interesting perspective. We only use soy candles and we’ve never used the wax on my genitals, and we are unlikely to because I have reduced feeling down there.

    Sweetgirl x

    1. Oh I am pretty sure the genital bit is fiction Sweet – i can cope with it on my breasts and I have to say I do like the ordinary wax but would perhaps be a too chicken to take it on my slit. And image if there was pubic hair! The wax would get all matted lol x

  8. All very interesting, since I bought some wax to play with on my own. Clearly that leaves out the trust/control component. But then I think I’m tending toward sensation play anyway. Hope I get a chance to find out soon…
    Indie x

  9. Hmmm… thinking about one of your recent posts… ‘church candles’?

    Love the story. It would be something you would want to have done to you, so you could concentrate on the feeling.

  10. That bit of fiction definitely made wax play seem sexier than I’ve experienced! My brief brush has been more uncomfortable, but perhaps a different kind of candle would make a difference. It’s just not a pain I like.

    1. i do like the wax-pain but did not write about my experience at the time so can’t remember what really happened. I do recall being tied to the kitchen table though 😉

  11. Extremely interesting May. Loved your fiction piece which I found very hot and your factual piece as well. I tempted to try it myself. CP x

  12. I have only really played with wax and open flame while bored in my room as a teen, never thought about having it dripped on me anywhere….especially nipples or lips.lol.
    I would love to be the one doing, not receiving…too chicken LOL

  13. Being a giver . . . rather than a receiver (lol!!!) . . . I’m not one for pain.
    And, also worry about wax getting on the carpet and furnishings. But I am fascinated by the shapes and patterns . . . and the feelings of the receivers!!!
    Xxx – K

  14. I love the way wax causes pain which quickly dies away, but the quicker the drops of wax touch your body, the more it takes you to a totally different world… a world where only you and the wax exist…

    Rebel xox

  15. I’ve never tried wax play, but I’ve always remembered that tip from Madonna – you can vary the level of pain by varying the length of the hot wax drop. The closer you are the skin the more it hurts, apparently.

  16. I’m not big on pain, though I will happily administer it under the right conditions.

    I do like sensation play though, and that is the lens through which I view wax sextivities. Temperature and texture can be fun to play with. 🙂

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