My diaries from 1997 are an intriguing thing even for me.
As I looked at this particular entry from July 1997 I understand that I wrote it but that person seems quite removed from the one I am today.
I’m adding this post to the Sex bloggers for Mental Health prompt of denial. I was totally in denial regarding Al and what our relationship could become. Such a shame as I wasted time over him. I just could see so much potential and refused to give up too soon. In fact, at the time, wild horses couldn’t drag me away. But I don’t regret it as I learned a lot from the experience.
Before you read this you can catch up on the previous diary entries here… But, in case you just want a snip-it about what made me write the letter~
That’s when I did it. I couldn’t bare him being so smug when I was feeling like shit. All at once I slapped his face – hard. Unlike his bloody cock.
So lets take the clocks back to…
July 26th 1997 ~ Wild Horses
Today at work I typed this letter up and sent it to Al. Its an explanation letter really, though I do deny that in the first sentence. It certainly is not a letter of apology. But I had to do something. To feel I have at least a tiny bit of control over the situation. I thought long and hard about whether I should write at the end that he can ring me. But I had to put that option in. I still really like him. It’s so annoying that I want him so much but can’t have him. Virginia and I are meeting for a drink the day after tomorrow. I will be able to tell her all the details. Jane was asking but I just told her a scaled down version.
She said, “Oh don’t worry, he’ll be back”.
If she knew I’d hit him she may think differently.
Header image from Pixabay