My diaries from 1997 are an intriguing thing even for me.
As I looked at this particular entry from July 1997 I understand that I wrote it but that person seems quite removed from the one I am today.
I’m adding this post to the Sex bloggers for Mental Health prompt of denial. I was totally in denial regarding Al and what our relationship could become. Such a shame as I wasted time over him. I just could see so much potential and refused to give up too soon. In fact, at the time, wild horses couldn’t drag me away. But I don’t regret it as I learned a lot from the experience.
Before you read this you can catch up on the previous diary entries here… But, in case you just want a snip-it about what made me write the letter~
That’s when I did it. I couldn’t bare him being so smug when I was feeling like shit. All at once I slapped his face – hard. Unlike his bloody cock.
So lets take the clocks back to…
July 26th 1997 ~ Wild Horses
Today at work I typed this letter up and sent it to Al. Its an explanation letter really, though I do deny that in the first sentence. It certainly is not a letter of apology. But I had to do something. To feel I have at least a tiny bit of control over the situation. I thought long and hard about whether I should write at the end that he can ring me. But I had to put that option in. I still really like him. It’s so annoying that I want him so much but can’t have him. Virginia and I are meeting for a drink the day after tomorrow. I will be able to tell her all the details. Jane was asking but I just told her a scaled down version.
She said, “Oh don’t worry, he’ll be back”.
If she knew I’d hit him she may think differently.
The Letter
Wild horses couldn’t drag me away – copy of the actual letter
Header image from Pixabay
I only went ‘soft’ on a woman once, and I remember it well. It was awful, but couldn’t be helped. It wasn’t me, it was her, but thats all I’m saying. I’m not cruel.
I still have my old diaries from when I was younger. I haven’t read them in a long time. You seem fair more mature than I did in mine, also clear in what you expected. I’ve had my experiences with guys going soft. A little communication does make you feel less like shit on those instances.
i have so many more to bring over – a slow burning project i think
TY for reading Cara x
Its brilliant that you have these things from your past. I think our history moulds us and things like diaries stop us from overly rewriting history, thank you for sharing ??
I think it’s wonderful that you still have the letter. I have lost so many things to the asshole I write about in No Consent 🙁
Rebel xox
i must get back to catch up on that Marie. I was doing so well and then got snowed under! will get back to it thou x
Fascinating peek into your diaries May, you are brave to share your younger self with us, thank you.
Yes indeed, communication was definitely absent here – or doled out very sparingly. I think Al kept this up the whole time didn’t he? Silly man as you are one of the easiest people to talk to that I’ve ever known.
I followed your link to a post on anal sex which was also very educational in a non-preachy way.
You make great resource posts May.